


i'm feeling more like a fool than maybe ever before

by sourdieselouis



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Blow Jobs, Coming Out, Famous Nick Grimshaw, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Rimming, Soccer player!Louis, american!louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-10-04 13:03:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 50,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourdieselouis/pseuds/sourdieselouis
Summary: Nick, Louis, and mid-western America, what could possibly happen when all three somehow intertwine?; or the one where Nick's friends don't really hate him and he ends up with more than he was offered.





	1. my old kentucky home

**Author's Note:**

> This was a pain to write, but I did enjoy it. This was a guilty pleasure of mine. Hopefully you find something good inside of it. Remember, be kind. Editing was minimal. Also, please excuse my lack of knowledge on the British English language. I really gave it the best I could. The story starts out in the year 2017, so you can get a better visual timeline."Adore" by Dean Lewis really helped me through this piece. The title comes from "Tangible Intangible" by Fly Golden Eagle. Enjoy.

Quite frankly, Nick had no idea how he ended up where he currently was. This was quite possibly the worst decision that he ever so reluctantly agreed upon. Okay, technically it could be significantly worse, but whatever this was, definitely wasn’t what he was used to at home. Oh home, his lovely flat with his lovely dogs, but no. No, he was stuck somewhere in the middle of mid-western United States, absolutely no clue as to anyone that lived in at least a twelve hour driving distance (so he presumed), and he was rather parched after his flight.

 

He stared rather dumbly at everyone around him as he meandered out of the B gates area. Okay, a Starbucks and- What the fuck? His brain short circuited when he saw an abundant amount of merchandise dealing with  _ horses.  _ Horses! Truly, there could have been something remotely better than that. His eye caught a sign with the word Derby. Derby, huh? What on earth was this place?

 

He rolled his eyes absently when he saw a man dressed in a lack luster black suit holding a sign with his name. With mustered up confidence, he paraded towards the man.

 

“Nicholas Grimshaw?” he questioned, a rather bothersome drawl in his tone. Oh,  _ dear. _

 

“Yes, that would be me.”

 

The strange man’s eyebrows shot up at that. “What’s a Brit want with Kentucky?”

 

Kentucky. Kentucky  _ Derby.  _ “Uh, Derby?” He responded in more of a question than anything. In all honesty, he was not here for the Derby. Because how were you supposed to explain that your friends shipped you off to the middle of America because you are a complete fuck wit?

 

“Hmph, your one of  _ those  _ kind of people.”

 

Nick raised a brow, shifting from one foot to the other, already contemplating turning straight back around to go home to London. At least the man got some sort of hint, scoffing a bit as he turned on his heel to what Nick hoped would be baggage claim then straight out to a car. He was rather infuriated and no longer wanted to spend a single unnecessary second with this man. Whomever he thought he was. 

 

Truthfully, Nick did look very much out of place in the airport. He had _fucking_ _Gucci slippers_ which might only be common in the area because people put their mortgage towards one piece of clothing instead of the rather necessary living establishment. He brushed it off, tugging his rather robust suitcase off the belt all while trying not to let his duffel fall from his shoulder. The driver behind him snorted. Of course Nick couldn’t help but glare over his shoulder, his lips pressed in a tight line.

 

The minute Nick stepped outside of the airport, he already began to hate everything just a tad more than he did when he was inside the building. Okay, maybe he was being harsh about the situation. From the car park, you couldn’t see anything besides the rows and rows of cars. It was quite possibly the sticky heat that did him in. It really did feel like hot caramel was being poured on his skin. Hell, if it was like this in late April, he didn’t even want to think about the actual summer months.

 

The car was okay despite the driver being completely and utterly incapable of helping Nick in any way, shape, or form. He just rolled his eyes, crawling into the backseat of a decent-ish Mercedes SUV. It was fine, really it was. He just had to keep his eyes on his phone for the most part to keep himself distracted from the lackluster scenery. However it was nearly impossible to keep his eyes off the rather dilapidated (even saying that did it justice) buildings that passed as they road along the motorway into the city. 

 

Aside from Nick’s bitterness towards his driver, he was rather grateful that the man refrained from uttering another word to him. It was a perfect opportunity to shove in his earbuds and blast Missy Elliot and shoot a quick text to Pixie, but would much rather have a jet plane run him over on the strip instead of continue through with this setup. And that was the pleasant, shortened version of what he said. Then another to Aimee to make sure to thank that friend of a friend who somehow had a place in the city. So maybe it couldn’t be that bad if they wanted an apartment here.

 

Nick shifted awkwardly in his seat as the line of the city came into view. It was honestly a pathetic view. One of the buildings looked like a godforsaken trash can. He shook his head absently, staring out the window fully now, hoping to spot something that might boost his mood. However, everything just seemed to make him even more slummed than he already was. His tired eyes weren’t really helping any of that either.

 

Once down in the city, it wasn’t as horrible as it could be. Every city has its flaws. Not all cities are cleaned to perfection and contain smiling, law abiding citizens on every corner, so frankly, what the city currently had to offer was as on par as it could get. As much as Nick did not want to have speak with his driver, he felt like if he was going to be in this city for the time he is, he might as well have some human decency to ask what the city is called. Sure, he could have paid a little more attention to the plane ticket or the attendants calling it out every so often, but he didn’t give two shits at the time. Especially given his rather unenthusiastic mood about his situation. He really was going to have to have a serious talk with his coworkers when he returned.

 

“So, excuse me if you will, I was wondering what the city is called, sir?” Nick asked, trying his damnedest to be polite.

 

“Are ya messin’ with me, boy?”

 

_ Boy?  _ Nick was most definitely  _ not  _ a young boy. He was a grown ass man, and he would not take the belittling from this- this belligerent American.

 

“My bad, of course.” His voice was drenched in sarcasm.

 

With an eye roll in the rear view mirror, the man spoke, pulling up towards the side of the road. “Welcome to Louisville, Kentucky. This is you. Best get goin’.”

 

Okay, what the fuck is a  _ Luh-vul?  _ Nick blinked.

 

“Ya deaf now?”

 

Nick grit his teeth, quickly exiting the car. He took a quick hop to the boot of the car to grab his bags, not doubting for a moment that the man in the car would drive straight off without them. By far, that was the rudest driver he’s had. No, quite possibly the rudest person he has ever met. So the minute the hatch shut, there was no surprise that the man took straight off, receiving a quick honk from an onward coming car.

 

Now what was he supposed to do? He has no clue where to go from here. The apartment complex was quite astounding, yes, but there was no other further thoughts than that. Right as he contemplated walking out into the traffic to get out of this deal, a woman in a pantsuit walked straight out, a rather inviting smile on her lips. 

 

“Are you Mr. Grimshaw?”

 

He groaned inwardly at the mister, but smiled nonetheless, extending his hand to shake hers. “Indeed.”

 

“Pleasure to meet you. My name is Rachel. I won’t keep you long. I figure you want to get settled immediately, so if you just follow me, I will show you where you will be staying.” She motioned for him to follow, holding open the glass door for him. He silently praised that she was straight to the point. Maybe not all hope was to be lost in this city’s population.

 

“Alright, here is your key. There is an elevator if you would prefer that over stairs. If you take a left when you get off the elevator, two doors down is apartment 3B, and that will be you. Phone numbers of important contacts have been left of the counter. Everything else should be set aside from food in the fridge. Kind of a downfall, but if you have any questions about that, I’m sure someone is bound to have an answer. With that, I will leave you to it. Hope your time in Louisville is pleasant.”

 

_ Luh-vul.  _ He was really beginning to wonder what on earth kind of name that was. Nick tried to store all the information in his rather exhausted brain. Instead, he just nodded along, only keeping track of his room number before shaking hands with the woman once more, bidding her farewell.

 

After the elevator deposited him on the second floor, he marched down the hall as said, only stopping in front of his door. He keyed it open, and oh- Oh! It was actually quite a lovely surprise. There was actual character inside. It was clean, put together. Sure, the space was a little bright for his liking, but it would do. Honestly, it would more than do.

 

He sighed in relief when he realized the bed was already set up, a decent sized window next to it. Without hesitation, he plopped his two bags down, kicking off his  _ fucking Gucci slippers  _ before he peered out the window. The view wasn’t much, but due to the lack of tall buildings, he could still see what was around. His eyes caught a grassy-like patch with stadium seats surrounding it. Hm, interesting. In bold white letters around it the sign said “LOUISVILLE SLUGGERS”.

 

Nick froze, then barked an outrageous cackle. No fucking way. There was absolutely no way that he was seeing this correctly. People genuinely pronounced their own city as  _ Luh-vul  _ when it is ever so clearly not. He pondered if it was just his oversensitive, proper ass or maybe this was just a midwestern America thing. Or maybe just a Kentucky thing. Maybe just a  _ Louisville  _ kind of thing. There was no way to be sure quite yet.

 

No, Nick had to be wrong. Why would people pronounce their own city incorrectly. He pulled up a Google search of the city, only to be smacked in the face with the truth.

 

“Holy shit,” he murmured to himself, completely baffled.

 

The city was literally named after King Louis XVI. Nick may not be a French expert, but he is pretty damn sure that the French do not pronounce Louis as  _ Luh.  _ Absolutely no way! Just when he thought it couldn’t get any better, or worse depending on how one looks at it, he saw the statue. The city erected an entire Louis XVI statue, and people still don’t get the hint? But then again why did he even give a damn?

 

Nick groaned, chucking his phone onto the bed, only to have the soft plop of it be followed by a low grumbling in his stomach. Well, of course. Frankly, all Nick wanted to do was sleep. It was nine back at home, but he had been traveling all day and he felt grimy. He ran a hand through his mussed up quiff. Alright, this is what he would do. Shower, meal, sleep. At least that would give him a little more time to try and regulate his body clock.

 

It was quite the pain trying to dig all his toiletries out of his bag along with a change of clothes. He did have to admit that the water pressure was insanely good, and the water got to a very soothing, leave-your-skin-a-little-pink temperature leaving him thrumming with joy. Maybe things in this city would somehow look up in the end.

  
  


Nick never once regretted his thoughts on thinking things would turn up for him after determining his shower had immaculate water pressure. He is torn between going back to the apartment and throwing himself out the window or walking head on towards an oncoming bus. The people aren’t great, the weather sucks, and the food is shit. Absolute shit. He lets out an irritated huff, unable to decide on any particular restaurant. He opts to head into a coffee shop instead. Ordering a soy latte, knowing good and well that there is no way they will make even a half decent brew, and two croissants.

 

As he turns to find a table, his body collides with someone else’s, his snack nearly going everywhere. However, his gangly arms come in handy at this very moment as he holds them out of reach of the rather tiny body in front of him. In this moment, he thinks he has run into someone half his age, his heart soaring a mile a minute, mouth opening to try and form some sort of apology.

 

“Hell, I’m so sor-,” he begins, but immediately snaps his mouth shut when the boy looks up at him. And if he isn’t looking directly at the ocean right now, then he doesn’t know what could possibly be the case. He must of hit his head! He must be concussed! 

 

He tries open his mouth again, but is distracted by the smattering of stubble on the guy’s perfectly sculpted jaw. He is definitely not someone half Nick’s age. And Nick definitely isn’t salivating right now.

 

Mystery boy is looking up at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape, a slight flush on his cheeks, hands mid-air. Nick glances down to the ground, a bronze colored pool in between their feet. Of course! Of course the gorgeous, scrumptious- No, stop- The boy in front of him dropped his drink.

 

“I-It’s okay,” the boy stutters about, turning away quickly to fetch napkins. Nick’s quick to put his stuff down on the nearest table, but not before he fully checks out the boy from behind. Oh  _ god.  _ His waist is tiny. He has delectable thighs and toned calves. And his arse. Bloody hell, that can’t be natural.

 

He asks behind the counter for a towel of sorts to mop up the mess before him. When he turns, the boy is on his knees pathetically trying to wipe up the mess with paper napkins.

 

“Here, let me,” Nick murmurs, crouching down to finish it up with the cloth. “I’m proper sorry about that, let me get you an-.”

 

“Ah, no. It’s quite alright,” Ocean Eyes, yes, that’s what Nick will call him, speaks, quickly standing, turning back towards his table.

 

Nick lets out a sort of frustrated breath, going back to standing before proceeding to hand the now soggy cloth back to the woman behind the counter. He flicks his eyes back towards where the boy is sitting curled up in the chair, a serious look on his face as he thumbs through the pages of a book, eyes moving to look up at his laptop screen every now and then. Nick averts his attention back to the counter.

 

“Do you, by chance, know what that boy over there ordered? I feel like I should make up for me being an utter mess.”

 

The woman smiled warmly, nodding. “Of course. It’ll be two dollars and ninety four cents.”

 

“Thank you, thank you.” Nick paused. “Do you think you could take it over or something. He seems… A little embarrassed towards me.”

 

“Not a problem. Enjoy yourself.”

 

Nick just nodded, turning to gather his things from the table before bolting out the door, not wanting to make a further idiot of himself in a place he already so heavily despised. Well, maybe he wouldn’t despise it so much his he could see Ocean Eyes every moment of the day.

 

-

 

Louis shook his head in disbelief as he curled himself into his chair in the corner of the cafe. There was absolutely no way that Nick fucking Grimshaw was standing in Louis’ prime place of relaxation in godforsaken Louisville, Kentucky of all places. Yeah, he knew Nick got the short straw from the entire bet, but he didn’t think  _ this  _ would be what he got. This is quite possibly the worst form of punishment. Being sent out to the midwest? Hell, he lived here, but wanted to get out every single chance he got.

 

The pages in front of him were a complete blur. There wasn’t a chance of getting anymore work done at this rate. Instead, he stole sneaky glances up at Nick while he spoke to the woman behind the counter. Louis  _ might  _ have gaped at how tall the man. Yes, it was just because Nick was unnaturally tall, not that Louis might be very small for his age. He  _ hated  _ when people referred to him as tiny. And then set out a string of aw’s when he got angry because they had the audacity to think that it was cute.

 

But holy. Nick Grimshaw was right there in front of his eyes. He could barely even get words out to him to assure him everything was fine. He really didn’t need the coffee, but he desperately wanted it. However, he would be damned if he let that man purchase him another one. If he just got off his lazy ass and got another, then maybe it would be okay.

 

Louis let his shoulders slump when Nick dashed out the door. It might have been a little nice if he stayed in, so Louis could sneak glances. No, that was a horrible idea! Louis screamed inside his head. He would most definitely catch you and quite possibly throw a croissant at your head for being such an imbecile. He let out a short sigh, turning his attention back towards the book before him.

 

He was only taken from concentration when a large cup was set down next to him. He glanced up with curious eyes. Then, flashed a quick smile at the barista, Maggie.

 

“It’s on the lovely English guy that came in. Seemed quite flustered, Louis.”

 

“Rather impossible. He’s full of swagger and confidence.”

 

“And you would know this because?”

 

Louis shook his head. “Just a guess. Seems like that kind of guy.”

 

“Hm, anyway, enjoy.” Maggie smiled, heading back towards the counter.

 

Louis let out a long breath. He suddenly felt uninterested in the material in front of him. He switched over to Twitter instead to keep himself distracted. He scrolled through lazily before doing something rather out of his zone. Okay, as if it would ever be seen by anyone that matters. As if there would even be a question about it. He typed out something quickly, pressing  _ tweet,  _ immediately slamming his laptop shut after that, his heart in his throat. He was fine, crazy fine. He was definitely exaggerating the entire situation. 

 

Half a cup of coffee later, he gathered up his materials, throwing them in his bag. He shoved the bag over his shoulder, cradling the coffee cup in his hands as he headed back to the streets, praying that everything would be just fine.

 

-

 

Nick nearly pissed himself out of sheer terror. What in the hell was that noise? The same loud bangs kept going off outside. Why was his room occasionally glowing in neon? All he wanted to do was sleep, but that didn’t seem like something he would be able to do anytime soon, so he peered out the window. Well, that explains it. Fireworks. Fucking fireworks. Like, a massive amount of fireworks being shot off a bridge. Is this what these cunts do for fun? 

 

In a defeated effort, he threw his head back on the pillow, pulling his phone off the charger from beside him. Maybe just a little scroll through Twitter; keep himself occupied through the outlandish activities outside. So far, it was just a bunch of nonsense in his mentions, nothing too eye opening. By some miracle of all that is holy, one tweet caught his eye in particular.

  
  


**@grimmers** thanks for the coffee x

  
  


And, excuse him, he had absolutely no recollection of buying anyone coffee at any poi- Oh. Oh! His heart just might have skipped a beat. Nick swallowed thickly before clicking on the profile. His jaw dropped open at the sight soon followed by an unceremonious snort. That was  _ definitely  _ Ocean Eyes. He would not miss that face anywhere. But his name name was  _ Louis.  _ Honestly, Nick shouldn’t assume that. For all he knew, it would be  _ Lewis.  _ Or godforbid,  _ Luh.  _ He shuddered at the thought. Those names did not do him justice. Now, Louis did. Like- Like the fucking Sun King! Surely it was Louis because he was the literal sun.

 

He couldn’t help but scroll through the feed a little bit. He was curious as to what the poor guy was up to. Nick was not disappointed in the least when he came across the photos of Louis played football or soccer or whatever the fuck the Americans wanted to call it. He let out an unflattering giggle -a giggle!- as he realized he played for the local FC.  _ Lou City.  _ It was not funny in the slightest. Okay, maybe it was a little funny that he played for a club with his name. (Or what he thought. He  _ really _ didn’t need to assume.)

 

Nick’s head snapped up quickly, finally coming to a realization. Louis knew exactly who he was. He wouldn’t call himself a name over here per se, but apparently Louis knew anyway. His heartbeat sped up to quite possibly an unhealthy rate. He scrolled back to the tweet that started it all, pressing the small heart button. A shriek left his mouth that he would deny to the grave before he chucked his phone out of his hands as if it were on fire. This was bad.

 

Well, maybe not so bad if Nick never had to see Louis again, but he  _ really  _ wanted to see those blue eyes again. He let out an undignified sigh before collapsing back onto the bed, utterly worn out as the fireworks continued to burst not so far off in the distance. It would be best if Nick stopped claiming how bad or how good things were about this place before something new happened. Maybe if he saw Louis again, the city wouldn’t be so bad.

  
  


Today would be the day Nick went to find a place to purchase groceries. It was a rather daunting task considering he had absolutely no idea where anything was in the city. So, after a couple hours of responding to e-mails and fucking about, he headed down to the pavement. 

 

And  _ smack.  _ Nick let out an outrageous huff, half tempted to ram his head into the brick wall beside him. If he ran into one more person, that was it. He would leave. Just as he reached out to steady the person in front of him, his eyes widened. Beautiful blue eyes stared at him with fear. His face was a little flushed, small beads of sweat on his forehead. Nick swallowed heavily, taking in the sight of Louis in  _ short  _ running shorts and a tank top.

 

“My apologies, again. Oh, I- Really, honestly,” Nick stumbled, mentally face-palming, his cool confidence totally out the window at this point.

 

Not a word left Louis’ lips this time, he turned quickly away, sprinting up the sidewalk. Nick admired how the muscles in his legs flexed with each stride. Well, that was pathetic. Really, truly the absolute worst thing.

 

With a shake of his head, he made his way up the cracked sidewalk. The air felt just as wet around him today as it did yesterday. Despite his efforts in keeping cool in partially suggestive jean shorts and a t-shirt, he was not feeling it. The sun beat down on him, high in the sky. He felt like his skin was being roasted. Wow, a roast. He really could go for a proper one right about now, but he had serious doubts about being able to get exactly what he wanted.

 

The walk wasn’t too terrible, but after careful deliberation, he realized he should just get a car if he wants to go anywhere. Inside, the shop was no Waitrose. It wasn’t even Tesco material, but at this rate, it would just have to do. Nick was beyond cranky from the heat and his inability to form something intelligible in front of Louis. He whisked off a small cart, perusing the aisles lazily.

 

Some pasta, vegetables, and random pick ups later, he stood in front of the a rather impressive case of fizzy drinks. Without hesitation, he placed a case of Diet Coke in the cart. After a moment pause, he put in another case. The next few weeks were about to be long, and there was no chance of a proper cup of tea in sight, so this would have to suffice. 

 

Nick was absolutely not in the mood for the heat again, especially with an abundant amount of things to carry. He stood in the alcove waiting for the soft  _ ping  _ to alert him that his car was outside to pick him up. Behind him there was loud snickering and murmured words. The speed that he snapped his head around to look at the people rivaled that of a cheetah sprinting through the field.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“What the fuck are you wearin’, homo?” One of the big buffoons asked.

 

“Don’t believe I asked, but thank you immensely for the concern. Dead nice.”

 

“Oh look at me and my fancy accent,” the other spoke in the most sickening attempt at a posh accent.

 

Nick rolled his eyes, pushing out the door the second he heard his phone ping. He long ago got over the fact that not everyone on the face of this earth had a kind heart, but it did still sting deep down inside after all this time. He really had no interest for the people in this city.

 

-

 

Louis came to a halting stop after sprinting right up the block and around the corner. No fucking way. There was absolutely no way that Nick fucking Grimshaw had just come from the very building that Louis intended to go inside. Maybe- maybe he knew someone! Yeah, that was definitely it. He was only visiting. It’s an apartment complex for God’s sake. It’s not like he was permanently living here or anything. He must have a hotel! Possibly the Galt House. No, too low-key for him. Surely he was somewhere artsy like the 21c or the Omni. Of course it would be the Omni. Louis uses the term posh loosely when it comes to describing the place, but it is definitely far more high end than whatever some rinky dink place has to offer in Louisville.

 

Oh hell. Nick was in  _ Louisville.  _ Louis could barely manage to even wrap his head around that small, almost unnoticeable (okay, extremely massive) detail. He had been listening to the Breakfast Show for quite a while now. This had to be a dream! That’s it. Most definitely a dream. He pinched the inside of his then winced. Louis sighed. Alright, it wasn’t a dream, but it was way too good to be his reality.

 

Now would be a good time for an acai bowl, yes. Or maybe a nice shovel to his head to erase any and all memories of one certain man. Louis suddenly felt very nauseous, completely turned off by the idea of frozen, blended fruit. Surely Nick would be gone at this point. With a peek around the corner and a stroll up the street, there was no sight of him anywhere. A breath passed Louis’ lips, the tension leaving his body. One shower and a little lie down should do the trick to get Nick out of his mind, of course. Really.

 

In all actuality, Louis only got through a shower before his stomach rumbled with the need for food, and he was dead set on getting that acai bowl no matter what. He threw on a clean vest and sweat shorts before heading straight out to the stairs, going down two at a time. Three quarters of the way down the last flight, his stomach dropped to the ground, a choked breath passing his lips. He tried moving, but his feet were glued to the step beneath him.

 

Eyes met eyes and that gave Louis plenty of fuel to turn right back around, hopping up to the top of the platform before being halted yet again, completely frozen.

 

“Louis? Your name is Louis, right?” And  _ shit.  _

 

-

 

Nick grumbled to himself as he tried to push his way inside the complex, weighed down with bags and cases. He bowed his head in frustration once he tugged all bags through the door. As if he knew eyes were on him, he flicked his face up only to meet the eyes of Louis Ocean Eyes. Nick didn’t move, didn’t utter a word. It wasn’t until Louis reached the top platform when Nick called out.

 

“Louis? Your name is Louis, right?”  _ Pause.  _

 

“Okay, can I at least be assured that it is Louis and not Lewis. Or, Jesus, don’t let it be  _ Luh.  _ I’m already on the verge of dissipating into the void because people genuinely call this place Luh-vul.”

 

Louis’s shoulders relaxed at that. A good sign, yeah? Nick shifted, placing his bags down by his feet. He let out a slight laugh. “Um, unless you are one of those people that calls it Luh-vul then maybe I can make an exception.”

 

_ Fuck,  _ Nick thought. Did that really just come out of his mouth? Well of course it did. It was his natural flirtatious self coming forward. But now was positively not the time. He was hit was surprise when Louis timidly turned to face him.

 

“No, it is Louis.” He blinked, looking like he was on the verge on saying something more.

 

“But?” Nick egged.

 

“But I really had no intention of you seeing that tweet. I had absolutely no reason to even say it. I obviously shouldn’t have. Louisville is quite… small compared to most cities. Of course I should have known better than that. I didn’t need you knowing that I just- that I know exactly who you are because that must be kind of annoying and bothersome. Especially in a place that should seem like safe foreign land and I-.”

 

“You’re rambling, darling,” Nick cut in with a chuckle causing Louis to snap his mouth shut, a blush spreading high on his cheeks.

 

“It’s okay. I’m- I’m not upset or angry if that is what you think. And you’re welcome for the coffee, by the way. It’s the least I could do after nearly trampling you, uh, twice at this point,” Nick continued.

 

Louis simply shrugged. “I was in the way.”

 

Nick rolled his eyes in an exaggerated manner. “Okay, it was both of our faults.”

 

“Okay.” Pause, again. And another. They stood staring at each other, Nick rather curious while Louis still looked uneasy.

 

“Right, well, I should get these things upstairs,” Nick announced, gathering his bags back up into his arms.

 

“I could help?” It was quiet and sounded much more like a question than an offer. Nick raised a brow, a grin curling onto his lips.

 

“Not obligated, but sure.” Which led to Louis skipping down the stairs, picking up the cases of Diet Coke at his feet. Nick willed himself to turn away when he saw the tightening of the swell on Louis’ biceps.

 

“Um, I’ll just follow you.” 

 

Nick nodded, heading for the stairs. Probably a poor choice on his part. He wanted to look perfectly in shape for Louis, but there was no way his body could do as his. He huffed when he reached the second floor, glancing over his shoulder to make sure Louis didn’t bolt with his prized possession. No, there was no way his body consumed any kind of fizzy drink ever.

 

“Okay, well, this is me.” He shifted the bags on his arm to unlock the door, kicking it open then trying to keep it held open for Louis with his foot in a very not cute fashion. Louis bowed his head in thanks as he entered, going straight for the counter to place the cases down. He turned and grabbed a couple bags from Nick, putting those down with the cases before speaking again.

 

“I best be going.” Louis scrunched up his nose while Nick put the other bags down on the counter. “I’m actually the last door down the hall. If you have any questions that is. Louisville is… Well I’m sure you can already tell it’s not the best. If you need something fun, don’t hesitate to ask, but I’m not making any promises that you will be blown away. And with that, welcome to Louisville, Kentucky. Fried chicken, basketball, and bourbon for all.”

 

Louis spoke with a new face of confidence, at least to Nick. Both men couldn’t help but smile at each other.

 

“I quite like you Louis Tomlinson. Might have to keep that in mind.”

 

Louis shrugged, turning his cheek, but a smile still framed on his lips. “You’re not too shabby either, Grimmy. Maybe better than my preconceived notions.”

 

“Hm, that so?” Nick countered, wanting to see how far he could go; see what kind of mouth Louis really had on him.

 

Louis licked his lips, turning his gaze back to Nick. “S’pose so. See ya!” 

 

Before Nick could get anything else out, Louis was out the door, shutting it quickly behind him.  _ Cheeky bastard.  _ Louis definitely was a boy that had a mouth on him. Nick just could feel that. He was not going anywhere until he cracked him open to the core.

 

Without second thought, he dug his phone out of his pocket, dialing Pixie. She answered after the second ring.

 

_ “Grim! How’s it going over there?” _

 

“Pix, you aren’t going to believe it.”

 

_ “So there is a boy?” _

 

Excuse me? Nick huffed as he plopped down onto the couch. “What makes you say that?”

 

_ “Come on, I know you. I know how you are. I know how your voice gets when you find something that you want to have. Is he cute?” _

 

He sighed. “Fucking gorgeous. The literal ocean is in his eyes. His skin is caramel and I think I want to lick his collarbones because they jut out so nicely. He plays football! Not the American shit, but like actual football. Not that I have a single clue about the sport itself, but he is proper fit. And, oh! Pix, he is tiny, and I just want to-”

 

_ “Shut up, Grimmy. I get it. You want to ravish him. You gonna make a move?” _

 

Nick pauses, contemplating how he should go about this. “He knows me, Pix.”

 

“ _ Pardon?” _

 

“Like he listens to the show, I think. Or he at least knows me on social media somehow.”

 

_ “Okay, a lot of people know you, Grim, and that hasn’t necessarily stopped you before. You get what you want, have a little fun, and move on about.” _

 

“That just doesn’t seem like the thing to do. I just met him!”

 

_ “Again, hasn’t stopped you before.” _

 

“Pixie, please,” Nick begged, throwing his head back onto a decorative cushion, feeling drained. He draped his legs on the spot next to him.

 

_ “Don’t tell me your going soft on me now.”  _ Eye roll.

 

“Absolutely not! I’m just being a gentleman.”

 

_ “You’re going soft.”  _ She giggled and he could almost hear her smirk.

 

“Hanging up now!” He quickly ended the call, opting to send her a quick “love you” and “see you in a couple weeks”. All he got in response was an eggplant and peach emoji which made him roll his eyes rather dramatically. And, as if she was sitting right there beside him, she sent a simple “stop rolling your eyes”.

 

Nick chuckled to himself, flopping his phone down onto the cushion. He went back and forth between the options he had. 1. He could fuck Louis and disappear from the face of the earth, but there was the chance Louis did not swing that way and that was a rather harsh, unyielding option that Nick absolutely did not want to have to do. 2. He could befriend Louis, figure him out, and then fuck. Or 3. He could just be a pleasant, chummy tourist, ask Louis questions, and plan hopefully fun activities without being an utter knob about fucking the one Louis Tomlinson. Nick knew three would be the best option in his heart, but, quite frankly, his dick disagreed.

 

Wow, he really felt royally fucked by the whole situation. First, his friends (at this point he might as well forget all their names because some friends they are) sent him out here to a rather drab place. Second, the people here were complete knobheads. And third, he wanted Louis Tomlinson. Yes, he was thoroughly fucked by it all, and not in the way he wanted.

 

-

 

Louis slammed his head against the apartment door the moment he shut it. Had he really just opened his mouth in from of _Grimmy?_ In his country? In his state? In his _apartment complex_? Then he had the audacity to offer tourism tips to the guy! Tourism tips! In Louisville! There was barely anything he had to offer to him. Wow, his friends really did him dirty. The thought of _“what could he have possibly done to have this dealt to him?”_ continuously circulated through his mind. He was utterly perplexed. 

 

It’s not like he had time to just throw out into the air like Oprah. He had training and practices and matches. No way in hell he could make this work. Wait, there was no way in hell that Nick would even bother him for help. Abso-fucking-lutely no way. 

 

Well… he had said he quite liked Louis. No! Just pleasantries. Just making up for spilled coffee and collisions. But he had bought him another coffee and liked his tweet  _ and  _ remember his name from Twitter. No no no. He had to stop. No more thoughts of Nick Grimshaw. He was not going to talk to him ever again. He was going to avoid him at all costs. And that was going to be a pain.

 

Louis banged his head against the door once more.  _ Lovely.  _

 

-

 

By the time the next day came, Nick felt like his jet lag was gone. So, instead of the need to rest, he felt anxious and agitated. Lounging around just made him a tad cranky. He had to do something, but just the slight thought of stepping outside into sticky heat repulsed him. Maybe he could go talk to Louis. Yes, perfect. He would get his suggestion on what to do today. And he did just that.

 

When no one answered the door after a solid minute of switching back and forth from foot to foot, Nick felt like the biggest idiot. Of course he wasn’t in. He had responsibilities and tasks that needed to be accomplishments. Louis couldn’t just be at his beck and call every moment. He scuffed the toe of his shoe against the ground before turning to head back to his door. As if it were fate, Louis had just popped up to the top of the stairs. His hair was a mess, but he looked ravishing in running shorts, a plain tee, and trainers. He looked just as surprised as he did the first time the two ran into each other, quite literally.

 

“Grimmy?”

 

“Hiya, sorry. I just wanted an idea on what to do today. You offered your expertise. Uh, yesterday.” Nick focused his eyes down on Louis. Oh, when did he get so close?

 

“Huh, I didn’t think that you’d actually take that up. ‘M sure whatever comes to my mind won’t be all too thrilling.” He took a few steps closer to his door, creating more space between the two of them.

 

“It’s got to be better than moping in bed all day?” Nick offered, placing his hands on his hips.

 

“Oh.” Louis paused. “Sorry, I just got out of training. Have you been waiting long? If you have, I’m really sorry. Uh, Frazier Museum is pretty cool.”

 

“Sounds just fine to me,” Nick agreed quickly, a smile curling onto his lips, but soon disappearing when Louis opened his door.

 

“Don’t you want to come with me? Be my tour guide?” Pause. Louis froze in the door, flicking his head over his shoulder to look at Nick. A bright smile blossomed onto his face, his eyes crinkling at the sides.

 

“Oh, you’re on. History buff right here. Give me ten minutes.”

  
  


The museum was minimal, but rather intriguing. Okay, maybe Nick wasn’t as intrigued with each exhibit as he was when Louis started talking about each thing. Anyone could tell that he was holding back from going overboard with enthusiasm. As much as Nick tried to keep his eyes on each thing Louis explained, he was much more interested in watching how Louis’ expressions flowed with his lifted voice and animated hand gestures.

 

Louis was absolutely not wrong whatsoever about being a history buff. At the last exhibit they crossed, it was the  _ Magnificent Mona Bismarck: Kentucky Style Icon _ , Louis brought up Givenchy which perked Nick up a bit, but soon he trailed on to talking about the  _ first  _ French revolution which went all the way back talking about the Bourbon family in France. That soon became a dichotomy of how Louis utterly  _ despised  _ that he had to share a name with one of the most corrupted, arrogant kings. He muttered something about the sun, heliocentrism, and Richelieu being a dick after that, but Nick didn’t give two shits. He was too busy admiring the change of Louis’ face. The other half of the two was that the reason bourbon was called bourbon is because of the Bourbon family, hence Louisville, and so on and so forth. Only if was distilled in Kentucky could it be called bourbon. Anywhere else it was whisky. Nick was speechless and, frankly, exhausted after that.

 

However, his exhaustion didn’t matter because Louis had a radiating smile on his face. Nick gave one last sweeping view of the place, nodding his head while Louis chatted some more about how he wanted to travel to France one day and study their history even more. They left soon after, the sun sinking behind the skyline already. And that is how they ended back in Nick’s apartment, laughing at pointless little jokes as Nick whipped up a quick spag bol. 

 

“Thank you for letting me come with you today. I was worried you wouldn’t have much fun if I went. Figured you just wanted to be by yourself.” Louis stood from his chair, giving Nick the que that it was time for him to head just right up the hall.

 

“If anything, you made today more enjoyable. I probably would have left thirty minutes in.” Louis’ eyes nearly bugged out of his head at that, the corner of his lip quirking up.

 

“I just didn’t want it to be awkward either since I, like, know you, or well… Know  _ of  _ you.” Louis shrugged taking a few steps towards the door while Nick shook his head.

 

“Like I said yesterday, I quite like you Louis Tomlinson. And today proved quite well. I might have to make you my official tour guide.” Nick moved towards the door, opening it for Louis.

 

“I’ll have to see what I can fit into my schedule,” Louis teased, scrunching up his nose as he moved to stand outside the entryway. And if that wasn’t precious, Nick doesn’t know what was.

 

“Oh, yeah. Of course. Put your stuff priority, obviously,” Nick said quickly, not wanting to seem overbearing.

 

“Relax. Just not tomorrow. I have training and a match. Most other days is conditioning and training earlier in the day, so afternoons and evenings are free. I really should go now. Early morning. Goodnight, Grimmy.” Louis paused then laughed. “That sounds so weird to say.”

 

“Goodnight Louis,” Nick called down the hallway, trying to hold back laughter, before shutting the door behind him. He pulled his phone out after that, seeing that he had a slew of messages and a couple missed calls. One call was from Pixie (probably about Louis) and the other from Aimee (he would have to remember to call her back the next morning).

 

His messages consisted of three from Pixie asking about “his boy” and if this was really a good idea (she said she thought about it seriously, and it wasn’t a top notch idea). One was from his mum, checking up on him since he left. He sent a quick one in response even though it was the middle of the night back home. And then one message each from Daisy, Alexa, Gillian, and even fucking Henry asking if he was doing the right thing with this boy considering the reason he was sent where he was for a reason. He groaned. Of course they all knew about Louis. Of course.

 

He sighed heavily knowing that they had a serious point. He could try and convince them that this was completely different, but there was about zero chance that that would work. If they could just  _ see  _ what Louis looked like, and how Nick looked  _ at  _ him, maybe his chances would increase one percent. And that was a big maybe. He shut off his phone, not bothering to respond to any of the messages. Today was too nice to be fucked over by his nosy friends. He could figure this out on his own. He could do it. Maybe.

  
  


Louis wasn’t around at all the day after the Frazier. It was more like he wasn’t physically around because he was the only thing that kept coming back to Nick’s brain. He knew Louis was busy and devoted to the game, but part of him hoped he would just come over for just a little bit. Despite his silent praying and hoping, that was not the case. Instead, he wreaked havoc by snapping an abundant amount of photos and putting them on his Instagram story. So be it. He was majorly bored, and there was no way he was going out in the blazing heat without a purpose.

 

That night, he went to bed with a slight heaviness in his chest. This was silly. He barely knew Louis. He really needed to gather a grip before he did something seriously foolish. The last thing he needed was to be isolated in the nonexistent grandeur of the city. He told himself he didn’t need to rely on Louis for this whole time though. He could do.

 

So when Louis showed up the next morning outside his door a tray of to-go coffee cups and a pastry bag, he was pleasantly surprised. After Louis spent a good two minutes apologizing for showing up unannounced, they spent the rest of the morning sprawled out on the couch snacking on croissants and pain au chocolat, washing it down with sips of coffee. Nick listened to him rant about how shit the match was the night before. It made Nick frown the way Louis’ brow furrowed and the corners of his mouth curled downward. Louis shook off quickly, bouncing back to his chipper self.

 

“I want to show you 21c tomorrow night.”

 

Nick tilted his head.  _ Yes.  _ He absolutely would love to go somewhere else with Louis. Anything at all. Hit him with a car, and he wouldn’t care. Okay, that might have been a step too far. What happened to him reeling it back in so he wouldn’t end up looking foolish? “Yeah? Tell me about it.”

 

Louis smiled, tucking his legs underneath himself. “Well, it’s an art exhibition. They have a new one called  _ Dress Up, Speak Up.  _ I’ve heard about it, and I’ve seen a couple of the pieces. It’s super cool. Not big, but we must go at night. It’s like an altered universe in there then. At least it takes me somewhere else.”

 

“I take it you’ve been a lot?” Nick raised a brow, taking another sip of his coffee.

 

“Eh, a handful, yes,” Louis started, eyes drifting to the floor, hands clasped in his lap. “If I didn’t play and coach for a living I would do history and art history. Sorry, I should ask what you would be more interested instead of assuming.”

 

Nick scoffed. “Please, if Louis Tomlinson says it’s great, it must be, right? I mean, this is  _ your  _ city.”

 

“If you think you are being original right now, you one hundred percent are not. I’ve heard that so many times before that it’s annoying, but I will let it slip just this once.” Louis looked up, grinning from ear to ear. “But yeah, I love the place. It is great.”

 

“Then why not today?”

 

“Need a little break. Still kinda bummed about yesterday. I don’t get many free days. Next week I have three in a row before we start training again before heading out of town for more matches.” Nick might have felt a little jab in his chest at that. He hoped that Louis wouldn’t be leaving the city before he did. His remaining days would be significantly worse.

“No, yeah, that’s good with me. Oh, wait-,” Nick felt beyond flustered. “Unless you meant you wanted time to yourself.”

 

“You imbecile. I’m here with you right now. I brought coffee and pastries. Of course I mean a stay in with you. Someone has to keep your lazy arse entertained.”

 

Both of them fell into a fit of laughter, relaxing back into the couch. Chatter and conversation about the most random of things coming back naturally. This alone made up for the rather terrorizing day of loneliness and isolation Nick experienced yesterday. Hell, Louis just showing up at his door with a warm smile was more than enough to mend the small tear of yesterday. Nick couldn’t stop smiling the rest of the day. 

 

-

 

Louis felt like a complete nut. He didn’t want Nick to get the wrong idea. He really, really couldn’t afford that toll right now, yet there he was standing outside his door clad in dark skinnies, cuffed at the ankles, white vans, and a maroon scoop neck. It was just a simple art museum, yeah? Louis could easily do this! Actually, no. There was no way this was going to work. He didn’t want to blab like he did yesterday and feel like an even bigger nut. 

 

So when he finally knocked on the door and Nick was in front of him not even three seconds later, he felt like bolting. And oh. Oh, he looked really good. Obviously he was being quite subjective and bias considering his former infatuation with the man, but yeah. He looked really good. Too good for Louis’ liking. It was just shorts and a white button up, the top couple buttons undone. Why would he do that? Does he  _ not  _ get that-

 

“Jeans? Isn’t the air actually  _ moist  _ out there?” Huh? Louis looked down at his legs than up at Nick. He rolled his eyes. Okay, maybe this would be alright.

 

“It’s dark outside. It’s cooled down. It’s fine. C’mon, let’s go!” Louis scrubbed a smile onto his face, already heading down the hall. “Get some pep in your step, old man!”

 

-

 

_ Interesting.  _ Louis had failed to mention that the art museum was actually a hotel museum. That was… not different per se, but intriguing. Nick very much liked it. He could see why Louis very much found solace in this place. Despite the brash pieces before him, it was soft and almost deafeningly silent. Except it wasn’t silent at the same time. People softly chatted back and forth, eyes moving across each cross stitch and oil paint. There was noise that came from the attached bar, soft pinks and purples coming from that side alcove.

 

However, the noise that wasn’t there was the sound of Louis’ voice. His enthusiasm and boisterous banter came to a halt once they were inside the hotel. Maybe this was just Nick over-analyzing things, but he really did miss the gentle buzz of his talking. Of course, he might just be respectful and highly invested, but something didn’t seem right. 

 

Louis led him downstairs to the basement level, mouth still shut, but eyes wandering. Nick couldn’t help but notice the twitch at the corner of his mouth when his eyes grazed over the  _ Porcelain Promises  _ prints. 

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet, Louis,” Nick murmured, not wanting to disturb the peace ever so horrifically. Louis jumped slightly, turning his attention towards Nick instead of the stitch work in front of him.

 

“Just presumed you had enough of my yapping yesterday.”

 

And oh. Nick hadn’t expected that. A frown set on his face. Had he somehow made Louis feel like he wasn’t interested in what he said even if it was something he didn’t give a complete fuck about? Nick could listen to him go on and on all day long about anything. “Hey, no. Not at all.”

 

It was quiet again when Louis turned his attention back towards the work, seemingly going over each individual stitch, so Nick pressed on. “Look, I like it here. I see what you meant by it feeling different in here. You look like you have so much to say about everything in here. I want to hear what you have to say.”

 

Still silent. “Listen, you’ve obviously listen to me go on and on about the things that I enjoy or cover, yeah?”

 

That one caused Louis to perk up. A start. Nick could work with that.

 

“Sure I don’t see the faces of the people that listen, but they still listen. Now, I’m here, and I want to listen to you talk about what you like. It’s different being in the same space, maybe? But I’m back even after the other day to listen to what you have to say because it’s enjoyable.” Pause. Hopefully that was enough the convince Louis to give him something. Anything.

 

“Follow me.” And Nick did just that, only stopping when Louis did. He ushered towards the acrylic in front of them.

 

“What do you see?” Louis whispered, eyes focused on Nick.

 

Nick hummed, eyes trained the image. “A shirtless man whose pants are sagging. Great technique in the style of art. It’s nice to look at. It seems a little dark though.”

 

“Okay,” Louis started. “I see a black man who has been stereotyped and given such a heavy burden in not only today’s society, but for all of history. His revealed skin shows that he is open and vulnerable. You may think that since he is hunched over, he is defeated, but no. His baggage is on his back, yet he is still standing. Still carrying. Still vulnerable. All because of how humanity has casted them. He doesn’t let his vulnerability stop him from going on. He still keeps up to speed if not faster.”

 

Nick squinted. A newfound clarity staring back at him. He felt the tightness in his chest disintegrate, a slow smile spreading onto his lips. His attention was drawn back to Louis. Louis’ cheeks were flushed and he had a wild smile on his lips.

 

“‘In hell. In, held. Inhale. Breathe,’” Louis murmured.

 

“You are something else Louis Tomlinson.” Louis shrugged, moving along to the next work, smile still on his lips.

 

Nick spent the rest of the night listening to each and everything Louis explained, fully immersed. This time he actually paid attention to the works in front of him. Of course he took his fair share of glances at Louis. But as Louis said, all art needed to be appreciated no matter how different it was.

 

-

 

“I realize this isn’t really a park, but it will do. It’s rather nice despite it’s small size,” Louis started, stretching out on the grass with his container of food. He looked up at Nick for approval only to bite back a laugh.  _ Fuck.  _ He really did look like a paralyzing giant. Nick just smiled and stretched out adjacent to him.

 

“Quite alright, promise.” And after a beat. “So you promise this stuff is good?”

 

Louis laughed this time, crossing his legs. Today he had a tremendous craving for a specific food truck. One with tacos specifically. So without thought, he dragged Nick along with him with no complaints about it. This was so not something that he ever pictured Nick consuming. “Swear. Well, at least I know I will enjoy them.”

 

Nick grimaced and stared at the container before him. Louis scoffed and reached out to grab one of the tacos because seriously, he just wanted to something to eat. Now. But Nick smacked his hand out of the way.

 

“Wait, I want to document this.”  _ Pardon?  _

 

“Excuse me, Grimshaw? I was about to eat that!” Louis gave it his all not to maul him in that moment.

 

“Okay, okay. I’ll be quick.” And that he was, but Louis was not fast enough to pull his own phone away when it  _ pinged  _ softly, Nick’s Instagram handle popping up on the screen to let Louis know something had just been posted on his story. Louis’ eyes went wide and his cheeks went red. Because  _ fuck.  _ If that wasn’t the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him, then he didn’t know what was. Well, there was the story of his first kiss. But that was beside the point. Nick had totally seen what had just happened.

 

When Louis finally found the courage to look back up, Nick had a hand pressed to his chest dramatically, amusement on his face. “Louis Tomlinson if that isn’t the most romantic thing. Let me see  _ your  _ Instagram.”

 

Louis felt like vomiting. Screw the tacos. He would rather become a hermit right about now and never eat again. “Absolutely not.”

 

“Seriously? I’ve already seen your Twitter.” _Okay, Nick,_ _really?_ Louis thought. Did he have to bring that one little detail up? 

 

“But this is like pictures! Things you don’t want to see!”

 

“Oh I do want to see though.” Nick grinned. “Surely I can manage to find it on my own…”

 

Louis whined. Literally fucking whined like a toddler. “You are ruthless.” A pause as he unlocked his and phone, shoving it towards Nick. “Here.”

 

Nick looked like he had just won the lottery, taking the phone greedily. Louis should probably pull his hair out. He could just vomit, yeah? Slam his head onto the concrete pathway maybe… Even better, he should just bolt. Forget the phone! Hermit lifestyle truly never sounded any better. Actually, if he didn’t run into any more Nick Grimshaw’s in his lifetime things mi-

 

“Do you have a trainer fetish?” Does he have a what? Had Louis really heard him correctly? “You have loads of trainer pics on here.”

 

Louis arched his brow, offering a simple explanation. “I just… like shoes?”

 

“Obviously.” Nick set Louis’ phone down, reaching for a taco after that. Louis did the same, praying he could actually stomach it after the trauma he was just put through. He kept his focus on Nick briefly when Nick took his first bite.

 

“Not bad,” Nick decided. “It’s actually pretty great.”

 

Louis smiled cheekily. “Told ya. Tommo is always right.”

 

They sat in silence as they munched on the contents of the container, washing it all down with long gulps of water. From their place on the grass, Louis could make out the golden replica statue of _David_ _by Michelangelo_ over the arch entrance to the small lawn space. He remembered it always being so funny to see as a kid to see a sculpted soft penis. Wow, such a scandal! Most of the time his mom just rolled her eyes. Truth be told, that’s probably where he picked up the aggravating habit.

 

The statue stood proudly in front of the art hotel from the night before. Last night. That had been such a different experience. Regardless of how many times Louis went, he still loved it. Not for the cliche pictures people would take, but the actual art. He appreciated the art so very much. Maybe this time was even better because he had someone to enjoy it with; someone that let him talk about his passions. Warmth tickled at Louis’ belly just from the thought. He laid back in the grass, squinting up at the sky. It was so clear and so blue. He smiled.

 

“There aren’t many pictures of you smiling,” Nick interrupted. “You should post more smiling. It looks good on you.”

 

-

 

“Listen, I know this says “Children’s Center”, but little ones are in school and work is still on. I just want to have fun.”

 

Nick just nodded, giving Louis his biggest smile. Much skepticism wrecked his brain in that very moment, but he would do anything to see Louis’ energy bouncing around. He shifted around awkwardly as Louis quite literally skipped over to a abstract looking contraption.

 

“C’mon. You have to try to put the bubble all the way around you in this one!” Of course Nick had zero clue as to what he was talking about. Alas, he obliged, stepping up onto the platform with Louis.

 

“What exactly is going on here?” Nick’s brow was furrowed.  _ What had he gotten himself into today?  _ Another eye roll from Louis as he grabbed for the rope, tugging at it at a snail rate. And,  _ oh.  _ Suddenly, their bodies seemed to gravitate towards each other as a bubble started to form around them.

 

“Fuck,” Louis muttered under his breath when the bubble burst. Oh my  _ god.  _ He was pouting now. It was brilliantly precious. Before Nick even realized, Louis was off, moving towards a new activity exhibit.

 

For the most part, Nick stayed back, admiring Louis’ fascination with every little detail. Every time Louis looked up, there was a gleam in his eyes beckoning Nick to move along with him. It almost felt like a beacon of hope. Almost like home so far from home. And  _ no.  _ Nick needed to stop right there. What was there to him getting the strangest feeling deep in his chest? His hands ached to reach out and just touch him. But that would be vandalism.

 

“I feel vulnerable,” Nick admitted as they walked through the aging exhibit.

 

“That’s not a bad thing you know, right?” Louis stopped in his tracks, looking up at Nick. All of a sudden, Nick felt quite mental. Here he was, stood in the middle of a children’s science museum so far from home with someone he barely knew but wanted to so bad. So maybe his thoughts weren’t as crazy as he believed.

 

“No, I’m aware,” he started, glancing up at the visuals on the wall. “It’s just I feel like you know a trailer of my life, and I only know one line of yours. I want to more.”

 

Louis looked bewildered when Nick turned his attention back towards him. He started walking again as he spoke. “I mean, what is there to know? I play and coach. History buff. I have six siblings. I-”

 

“ _ Six?”  _

 

“Yes, six. The number between five and seven. So glad you haven’t become so old and decrepit that you forgot how to pronounce it.” Nick huffed while Louis smirked.  _ This boy.  _ “I’m a big momma’s boy. I went to school in Indiana, but I obviously live over here now. My favorite color is red. I’m 25?”

 

And  _ oh.  _ Nick hadn’t thought about age. Maybe it was the scruff that was off-putting and made him think differently. Really the gap wasn’t horrific, but surely Nick should have thought about that minutely before becoming seemingly arse over tits.

 

“And just for shits and giggles, I have a penguin tattooed on my ass.”

 

Nick’s eyes bulged out of his head. He was sure that he looked like a deranged insect in that very moment. There was no way he heard that correctly. A penguin? On his arse? That tattoo artist must have been very blessed that day.

 

“Yes, I have a penguin on my butt, Grimmy. And no, you cannot see it.” Okay, that threw Nick into a coughing fit. No, no. He didn’t want to see it. Obviously. Right? Surely.

 

“Jesus, I was joking. You make it seem like you wanted to see it.” Louis smirked, nice and amused.

 

“No, who do you take me for?” Nick countered. He would never admit it to him, but of course he wanted to see it. Maybe touch it if he was lucky. Fucking hell. He really wasn’t sticking to the whole plan three concept.

 

Louis just hummed, turning back around to the direction from which they came. “C’mon we should probably head out before the place becomes wholly infested with children. Their parents will think we are pedophiles or something.”

 

Nick silently praised the change in conversation. Really, what was happening to him? Was what he thought actually happening? Maybe it was too soon. There was no way that this all would pan out exactly how his brain had fixed it up to go. Louis didn’t talk or stop until they were standing out front of the building.

 

“That was fun. I really did feel like a kid again. It was one of my favorite places when I was younger.”

 

“It was fun,” Nick started. “Even if I was old enough to be one of the kid’s parents.”

 

This got a laugh out of Louis, at least. He turned to Nick, giving him a toothy grin. After that, it was quiet for a moment. The streets weren’t too busy yet which left the air almost too silent for Nick’s liking.

 

“Let’s take a picture before we go,” Nick suggested, pointing towards the concave disc with abstract mirroring. Louis rolled his eyes at that one.

 

“You are a cliche,” he muttered softly, but grinned nonetheless as he went to move closer to the towering structure. Nick followed behind, pulling out his phone to pull up Instagram. He snapped a quick photo of them standing in front of it leisurely. Even though the mirroring obstructed their bodies oddly, Louis still looked good. Of course he did. Really. Of fucking course.

 

Without thought, he sent it to his story. It was nice. It showed that he was actually getting up to something on this… vacation (he really would have to talk to his friends when he got back about proper vacation destinations). 

 

Nick took his opportunity to look over at Louis as he started to walk off, both of them unsure of where their next destination would be. He really was beautiful. So much that it caused his sternum to ache and the corner of his mouth to twitch up. Everything deflated when he kept telling himself that he was doing this, giving him a grand tour, because of who he was in Louis’ eyes. That part stung terribly, almost causing the air to get stuck in his throat. There was no way to get rid of that feeling.

 

But Nick would do whatever it takes to make things easier and not bollocks up the rest of his time in an okay city with a too-good-for-him boy.

 

-

 

Frankly, Louis felt like he was going to shit his pants. His legs, clad in fitted dress pants, were draped over the sofa. Not just  _ a  _ sofa, but the one that was in Nick’s borrowed apartment. His fingers tapped impatiently on his thighs, eyes gazing off into the distance. Nervous! How come? There was literally no need. This is exactly what the two had been doing since the first museum. Louis was just a Nick-claimed tour guide. But this was  _ Nick Grimshaw.  _ Still in Louisville. Still hanging out with Louis. Still for reasons unknown except that his friends are “proper cunts” for this. (Nick then profusely apologized, worried that Louis might think he hated him.)

 

It could possibly be that Louis felt like he had some sort of reputation to uphold after Nick posted that picture with another person clearly in it. That someone being Louis. It led to many speculations about Nick traveling with someone, to see someone, or that they were fucking. Louis did  _ not  _ blush at that one. This led to Nick apologizing profusely yet again only to have Louis reassure him every single time that it was okay as long as his name wasn’t put out there.

 

Next thing Louis knew, Nick was in front of him decked in a Saint Laurent blazer. Fucking YSL. Louis rolled his eyes at that, pushing himself up to standing.  “Why did you bring that with you? You can look nice and be comfortable at the same time, you know.”

 

“What do you mean? It’s quite comfortable.” Because of course he thought it was comfortable. “And my friends never really told me where I was going. Finally found the occasion to put it to use.”

 

And that was that. Louis never questioned  _ why  _ his friends just up and shipped him off. Now wasn’t the time and place to ask. Maybe he never would.

 

“C’mon, these plays won’t see themselves!”

 

-

 

It wasn’t often that Nick kept his mouth shut about certain things or feel blown away by something. Everything was the same or something was repeated which made it completely lose its luster. Tonight was very different from that. Each of the ten ten-minute plays were originally crafted by fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen year old kids. They did everything from the script to the production and design all with help from the theatre itself. He loved it. It was genuine.

 

“That one about the talking talking cannabis plant was rather funny, don’t you think?” Louis asked, a grin on his lips as they walked up the sidewalk. It was by far the coolest it had been since Nick had arrived. It was actually pleasant. There was a soft breeze. Soft light poured from the streetlights, the sun long gone and replaced with a sullen looking moon.

 

Yes, the play had been quite funny. He had found all of them very enjoyable. However, that was not the one that kept on eating at his mind. This one was darker, more somber. Thematically speaking, it seemed almost impossible for someone so young to be able to produce something so mature, so true, so raw.

 

“It was.” Nick paused. “But there was something so special about the boy with schizophrenia.”

 

Louis smiled at that one. Like his entire face lit up. Honestly, it looked like he might cry at that very comment. He stopped right there in front of the glass shop, eyes shining as he stared right into what felt like Nick’s soul. It was piercing. All the emotion swirling around inside of Louis was being passed towards Nick silently, almost telepathically.

 

“I know the girl who wrote that,” Louis whispered, his smile never fading. “She was so nervous. And I felt so good knowing that she could confide in me with that story and ask if I thought it would work out.”

 

A sense of pride and accomplishment swelled in Nick’s chest for Louis. Just knowing how it made Louis feel from the look on his face was more than enough to make Nick smile as well. “That is amazing, Louis. She was so mature for her age.”

 

“She is. Mature, that is. She attends my old high school, and it kind of felt like I was reliving the whole New Voices experience. I wanted to be selected so bad when I did it, but I guess it just wasn’t enough.” Louis’ voice wilted at that a bit, but he immediately picked back up at the next part. “But then she asked for help, and I guided her. I felt so proud when she told me she was picked for the chance.”

 

“Do you like to write?” Nick changed the subject, suddenly intrigued by what Louis just might be interested in. He got a shrug from Louis at that as they started to walk up the sidewalk again, his hands in his pockets.

 

“I write, but it’s just a bunch of poetry stuff and sometimes short stories. It’s nothing impressive really.” Louis brushed it off, smile wavering only a bit. Nick rolled his eyes at that one. He had to be joking. Truly. Louis looked so pleased when he talked about the girl and her play. The conversation stopped just briefly until they reached an odd building with a ginormous baseball bat towering way above the top of the building.

 

“Louis, you are insane,” Nick started which caused Louis to scoff and stop in place.

 

“And why might I be insane, Grimmy?”

 

“You didn’t see the way your face lit up at me simply mentioning the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed that play. I could see it in your eyes, and your smile was brighter than the street lamps around. I’m sure if the sun had been shining, it would have been brighter than that.” That got a small blush from Louis and another shrug.

 

“Doesn’t mean I am any good at what I do.” And of course he would think that. Why must he belittle himself like that?

 

“Just because others may not have a certain taste, it doesn’t mean that the sample isn’t lovely. It’s also how the creator feels about the product. If they are proud of the job, that’s something that is very important.” Louis looked down at his feet, hands still stuffed in his pockets as he scuffed the ground with the toe of his shoe.

 

“You are a funny man, Nick Grimshaw.”

 

“A funny man that will get to read the work of Louis Tomlinson?” Nick tried.

 

Louis just through his head back in laughter, eyes squinting. It was one of the loveliest sounds Nick had ever heard. He looked so proper in front of him in his dress pants that hugged his arse quite nicely from the angle he was at. Yet he was so carefree and warm at the same time. Nick would quite like to snog him in this very moment. Capture him by surprise and then hold his hand as they walked back towards the apartments. He didn’t though. Instead, he looked up at the top of the baseball bat.

 

“Let’s take tourist pictures.” Louis offered, smile wide and glowing even in the pale ambiance of artificial light surrounding them.

 

It’s not like Nick could say no to him.

 

-

 

Louis was going to be late. Like ridiculously late. Okay, no. He wasn’t really going to be late, but he lived by the saying “early is on time and on time is late”. So when Nick took longer than necessary to open up the apartment door the next day, fucking shirtless with little water droplets on his chest, Louis felt rather impatient and cranky. (And be might have thought about reaching out and touching Nick’s chest, but he would  _ never  _ admit that out loud.) He shoved the envelope over towards Nick, bouncing on his toes.

 

“Okay, here is a ticket for my match tonight. All other information is listed on the pass. Please come. I know it’s not your  _ thing,  _ so you don’t really have to come, but it’s an offer? We are going to Fourth Street after. First round of drinks on me if you come.” He spoke hurriedly, eyes frantic, and honestly quite terrified speaking to a half dressed Nick. He tried not to let his eyes move from Nick’s face. And being the fool he is, he sprinted off down the hall with his bag before he could even get an answer from him.

  
  


The sound of cheers was still ringing in his ears when he emerged from the locker rooms freshly showered. He could feel himself glowing. The win hadn’t been expected today, but it happened. They fucking won. He received pats on the back from a couple of his teammates on the way out, taking their time to share congratulations. This was a buzz like no other.

 

Around him, the air was significantly cooler than it had been earlier on. He tugged the jacket around him a little tighter. Next thing he knew, Nick was in front of him. Warmth spread through his body because he actually fucking came. Both of them smiled wide when Nick realized he was coming. Shit, wow. He looked good.

 

“There is much speculation as to why I am at a football game.” Of course that was the first thing that left his mouth. “But very nice job. Quite proud even if I don’t get it. At all. You looked- You all looked good.”

 

_ Oh,  _ that had Louis’ heart beating incredibly fast. There was no need. He really needed to feel like that. It was just a simple slip up of words on Nick’s part. Anyway, Louis flashed him a bright smile. “Felt great! Glad you came, even if you didn’t get it. At all.”

 

Nick let out a short chuckle. “I’m glad I came though.”

 

Truly, Nick did not need to be messing with his head like this. This was just, like, some sort of infatuation after years of being utterly dedicated to staying up at the strangest of times to listen to the show. It was just still him feeling like everything was surreal.

 

“C’mon. Let’s go celebrate. Totally pissed!” Louis cheered. He just  _ really  _ needed a drink to help him out right now.

 

“Sounds dead nice,” Nick agreed, eyes lighting up and his smile turning into an amused grin.

 

“Sounds dead nice,” Louis mocked in a pathetic attempt at Nick’s accent. Deep down he really hated himself for that. He truly knew how to embarrass himself. He  _ needed  _ that drink.

 

Nick just laughed.

 

-

 

Nick spent the previous night getting utterly wasted down on Fourth Street after Louis’ match. Of course Louis was with him, already buzzing on adrenaline and a terrific win. They might have had a couple shots. And then a couple more. Nick might have seen Louis casually sipping on a Corona somewhere after he had downed his second vodka tonic. The night passed in a blissful haze, so when he woke up in the bed of the one and only Louis Tomlinson, Nick  _ had  _ to check twice to make sure both men were still covered completely. Louis snorted at that, assuring him that they stayed completely clothed the entire time, and actually had a very meaningful conversation about different breeds of jellyfish. Much to Louis’ amusement, and to Nick’s despair, the whole conversation was more of Nick going on and on while Louis listened, choking back laughter.

 

Louis groaned about his throbbing temples and achy bones. It was Nick’s turn to snort at his current state of wear and tear. He silently thanked all those endless festivals for his rather decent tolerance.

 

“Where to today?” Nick asked enthusiastically.

 

Louis groaned yet again. “You must be kidding me. You’re an old man you should feel like shit right now. I’m young and fresh. I’m thriving!”

 

He winced at his own volume causing Nick to burst out laughing. It earned him a partially serious glare from Louis. Even in his attempt to be angered, he looked so endearing. So soft. So cute. Shut the fuck  _ up,  _ Grimmy.

 

“Ever been to a drive-in?”

 

“Can’t say I have. Plan on taking me to one? Spread out a blanket, get snacks. Make it proper romantic. Who knew you were such a sap?”

 

Louis rolled his eyes dramatically. “As if I would ever do that for someone like you.”

 

Okay,  _ ouch.  _ Why did that one hurt so bad? He knew it was a joke. Honest. “Because I’m a pain in the arse or because you don’t like men?”

 

Louis’ body language changed at that. The typical gleam in his eyes softened. The man in front of him was no longer the Louis that he had grown to know over the past nine days. This was unchartered territory. Maybe it was his knob doing to the talking, not his godforsaken brain. Maybe if he hadn’t had those  _ thoughts  _ about Louis in the first place, words like that wouldn’t be leaving his mouth. Nick prayed that he hadn’t pressed too far. But by the looks of it, he had, and there was absolutely no going back from that now.

 

“Wait, ignore that. I’m-”

 

“Nick, listen,” Louis sounded soft. Wow, that was beautiful. Besides the point. “I’m a twenty-five year old man that comes from a conservative, Bible verse quoting populated area. I grew up around a lot of girls, but I also grew up on a soccer pitch. With a bunch of dudes. Dudes that could very likely… do something to me. I already got enough shit from them because I’m- I’m smaller than-”

 

“Lou, you don’t have to-” Nick interrupted, not wanting Louis to feel like he owed Nick an explanation.

 

“No, stop. I need to do this. I need to say it,” Louis cut in, looking him down with piercing eyes, and Nick snapped his mouth shut at that. 

 

“I got enough shit from them to begin with. They already called me names because I was stereotyped. I hated it so very much. But I grew up. Uh, stuck to Grindr hookups. I got to continue playing. I coach a traveling team. Hell, I even coach at my old high school, but I’ve still kept quiet after all these years. Why do you think I was so freaked every single time I ran into you the first twenty four hours you were here?”

 

Nick wasn’t sure if he was supposed to speak, but Louis seemed like he was on a roll, so his mouth stayed shut.

 

“I’ve listened to your show for almost as long as you’ve been on there. You’ve made it all seem so… easy. I know it’s not easy, but you made it seem that way. Like I can be me and still do what I love. I thought I could make it easy on myself. Then you hear even more locker room smack talk. It hurts a lot more than I thought it would. I didn’t want it to hurt. I wanted to be out and free. But I’m just this boy from Kentuckiana, and I didn’t have the guts to do it.”

 

Nick breathed. “What the fuck is a Kentuckiana?”

 

“I-  _ What?  _ Is that all you got from that? I just came out to Nick fucking Grimshaw and that-”

 

“No, no, what? No! Shit,” Nick stumbled. “I’m actually so proud, I’m sorry. I’m an inconsiderate knob, I know. I truly am sorry. Really, I’m very, very proud. Oh my-”

 

Louis snorted. “Yeah, you are a dick. But it’s Southern Indiana and the Louisville Metropolitan area. That’s what Kentuckiana is.”

 

“Oh, huh. So you  _ are  _ gay?”

 

Louis rolled his eyes -he must be a professional eye roller- yet again. “You say that as if you have thought about it. So, have you?”

 

“Fuck. No! I-” Nick blubbered, leaving Louis in a fit of laughter.

 

“Really, I’m just messing with you on that one. But honestly who would have thought one of the first people I would come out to is you. It just feels good to let that part of me go. Let it be known.”

 

“And you say I am the dick, huh? You like guys, that’s cool.” Nick paused. “Obviously.”

 

The silence that followed was on the brink of uncomfortable. The two sneaking glances at each other every now and again until Louis had enough of it. He stood, traipsing to the bathroom, his voice trailing behind him.

 

“Better head back to yours and get cleaned up if you plan on coming to the drive-in with me! It’s a bring your own or pay for your own snacks!”

 

-

 

On an average day, which was usually all the time, Louis was proud of his car. It was a recent model, he kept it clean, and it was a shiny black. He would also say that his driving skills weren’t terrible. He kept his eyes on the road, phone in the back seat, and two hands on the steering wheel. Now that Nick was in the car, nerves were eating him alive. He heavily contemplated swerving off the bridge and into the Ohio River. Alas, that was a terrible option Nick deserved a much more fashionable death, not one in a highly polluted shit stream in midwestern United States.

 

“Wait, so we are in Indiana?”

 

Louis fought hard not to roll his eyes as they got off at the exit where the drive-in was located. “Yes, dim wit. We’ve been in Indiana since we crossed over the bridge. No more land of bourbon and fried chicken. We people are lovers of corn and tractors. Go Hoosiers!”

 

“What on earth is  _ that _ ?”

 

“The fuck if I know.” And all was quiet until they reached the coal center when Nick spoke up again.

 

“As I have graciously accepted this offer on such a tight schedule-”

 

Louis cackled. “Such bullshit.”

 

“I would love to know what we will be watching.”

 

“Avengers and Black Panther, of course.”

 

“You must be kidding-”

 

“Nope,” with a pop on the ‘p’. “We are very much watching the glorious double feature because if I’m going to be stuck with you the whole night, I want it to at least be a little enjoyable.”

 

“I could make it fun no matter what,” Nick grumbled.

 

Louis’ heart skipped a beat, very well picking up on the thick innuendo in his voice, but dismissing it swiftly. It was a joke. Funny guy that Grimmy is. Superbly hilarious. Down right humorous. 

 

-

 

This was so different from anything that Nick had ever done before. It felt rather homey. Kind of domestic in a way. Louis laid blankets in the grass behind the car for them to stretch out on. He apologized profusely, sarcasm dripping in his voice, for this not being a posh enough event to satisfy Nick. First off, Nick joked back just the same, saying that he was going to perish if he didn’t get his hands on a glass wine or champagne any time soon. Second, he really wasn’t that posh and never understood why people would say it. (Okay, maybe he was a little posh, but he would never openly admit that to anyone.)

 

Nick smiled inwardly at Louis’s excitement. Louis had kicked off his shoes and was now leaning back on elbows, one knee bent up. He looked cozy in soft shorts and a baggy tee that swooped below his delicious collarbones. Ink was littered across his chest, and Nick wanted to lick it. But  _ fuck no.  _ He needed to get his conscious to shut the hell up. 

 

Before Nick could be noticed, be averted his gaze to the sky. It was beautiful. Soft orange and a bright, almost magenta color washed the sky. It was pretty. So very pretty. This was so different from how he experienced it in London. The sky seemed more vast, more clear. It’s almost like he could make out every tiny molecule up in the bright sky. Before him was a treasure he didn’t deserve. He glanced to his side to see Louis rummaging in his bag. Make that two treasures.

 

The sun continued to set, the screen coming to life once it was dim enough. A bunch of advert nonsense came on first, but Louis kept his eyes glued to the screen in front of him. Nick tried to keep his glances to a minimum, but it was grazing impossible. Louis had such a sharp jaw and cheekbones with a delicate nose. His lips curled just right and the lines by his eyes were enough to make Nick smile. His hair was stripped of product, laying almost timidly against his forehead in a natural swoop. A breath caught in Nick’s throat.

 

Quite honestly he needed to get his head out of his arse. But, no. He had never seen so beautiful. He felt something nagging at his stomach like never before. It was like a bloom of the warmest colored, sweetest smelling flower smack dab in his chest. He didn’t know what to take from this new sensation except that he was rather fond of it, and he didn’t want the feeling to ever go away. Maybe this was worth a shot.

 

“Louis,” Nick murmured.

 

“I can feel you looking at me,” Louis whispered, turning his head just as Nick was leaning towards him.

 

“Hm, I like looking at beautiful things.” Next thing Nick knew, he had his lips pressed softly against Louis’. They were warm and soft. He smelt so amazing.

 

It was nothing more than a simple press of the lips before Nick pulled away. The darkness surrounding them was enough to hide the rosiness on Nick’s cheeks, but allow Louis’ shy smirk to be seen. Even miles away, Nick was sure he would still see it.

 

Nothing was said after that, both of them turning their attention towards the screen where the first film started to play. Louis’ settled just a tad closer, their shoulders brushing every now and again. Nick let go of the breath the he didn’t realize he was holding. He inhaled a breath of fresh air. He  _ felt  _ the fresh air; something he didn’t realize he needed.

 

-

 

Louis’ breath caught in his throat when Nick curled his hand around his hip.  _ Oh.  _ Nick’s thumb brushed over the prominent swell of his hip bone. That was quite nice. Louis would very much like for him to do that again. They had barely made it inside Nick’s apartment. They still stood together right inside the door, eyes trained on each other in the darkness of the space. Louis never wanted to look away. He just  _ couldn’t.  _ There was no way to comprehend what was going on in that moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop it.

 

The drive-in had been something else. A small kiss that very much changed the whole mood of the evening. It made everything soft, tender one might say. It felt like so much more than two guys watching a movie under the starry sky. That was because it  _ was  _ so much more. A warm buzz of tension passing between the two, but it was comforting. Now, here they were, Louis unable to speak. Nick had quite literally taken his breath away.

 

Instead of speaking, Nick shuffled closer to Louis, placing his other hand on the small of Louis’ back to pull him in. He was trembling under his touch, silently pleading that Nick would keep his hands on him. Forever. Yeah, that sounded damn nice.

 

With apprehension, Louis raised his hand to place on Nick’s chest. The warmth of his skin was noticeable even with the layer of clothing between them. His heartbeat pulsed rapidly.  _ Wow, Nick’s lips look really nice,  _ Louis thought. He made a minor shift of his eyes to look back up only to have Nick stun him with another kiss. It was so  _ good.  _ It was so different from the small peck earlier, yet this still felt warm, still felt right. Both his hands went to Nick’s shoulders and-  _ Fuck.  _ He was pressed against the door, Nick’s body puzzle pieced together with his.

 

Louis willingly parted his lips when Nick silently asked, arms snaking up around his neck. He felt so very tiny in that moment. He felt his strong, out-there personality wash away as he fully submitted to Nick. However, he pulled away with a small whimper when Nick’s hand found its way to his butt.

 

“Please tell me this is turning into what I think it is,” Louis murmured. How had this become a reality? Was it even happening? Maybe it was just a nice little make out session, but no one had touched his ass like  _ that  _ before. Nick moved quickly to grab Louis’ hand, leading him towards the sectioned off bedroom.

 

“Yes,” Nick breathed softly. “Let me take care of you.”

 

That was the last thing he remembers hearing before he was on the bed, Nick above him. It wasn’t forced or quick. He was gentle with him, all focus solely on making sure he was given what he needed. It felt… domestic. Maybe a little too domestic given the situation. But, again, Louis couldn’t bring himself to stop Nick as his lips kissed down his neck, just the start of what was going to come.

  
  


Louis woke up early, a dull burn in his thighs and an ache in his chest. That was  _ definitely  _ not supposed to happen. Louis Tomlinson was not supposed to sleep with Nick Grimshaw. He was just supposed to play soccer and coach his teams and wish for a little something more in his life. He hated to admit that he knew how Nick was. He knew some of those stories and pictures that had been put out there. But now his life was like some sort of cliche romance novel that had a shitty ending because the love interest has to leave in two days. For another country.

 

He blinked quickly to hold back the sting behind his eyes. The sun had just peeked over the horizon, giving enough light to make out Nick’s features. He looked insanely at peace beneath the covers, face pressed against the pillow. But everything seemed to correct. It was almost uncanny that Nick had the condoms with him. Louis’ mind spiraled, his stomach dropping viciously. Had there been someone else? Was there going to be someone else? Had Nick planned this all along? But oh. Louis couldn’t shake the thought of it all being planned from his head.

 

It was the only valid reason as to why Nick bothered with a “tour guide”. He hated the city anyway. Louis was very well aware. He  _ knew. _

 

With a sniffle, Louis carefully shimmied his was out of the bed, searching the hazardous mess of the clothes of the floor for his. It felt like all the life had been taken out of him as he dressed. This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. He didn’t like Nick in that way. It was just a  _ celebrity crush _ Louis convinced himself. It’s not like they knew each other. It was just a fuck.  _ It was just a fuck. _

 

He kept repeating the mantra in his head. However, it kept making less and less sense the longer he stared at the sleeping man. The sheets were bunched up around his hips, chest on display. It didn’t explain why Louis wanted to crawl back into bed, rest his head on said chest, and sleep the day away. After careful deliberation, he decided to leave. There was no need for Nick to see him after this. He got what he wanted. He probably never kept people in the morning anyway.

 

Louis sighed.  _ Of course. _

 

-

 

Nick woke to an empty, chilled bed like he did every morning he woke up in this city. An uneasiness spread through his body when he realized Louis was no longer curled up next time him.  _ What had he done?  _ He had let himself break of the cardinal rule of not getting in Louis’ pants. They fucked.  _ They had sex two days before Nick was supposed to leave. _

 

Compared to previous shags he had had, this one almost felt normal. It felt like they had done this before despite the softer touches and moving slow to make sure both of them were comfortable. But since Louis left, he had most definitely not been on the same page as Nick. Maybe if he had a good idea as to how to sit down and actually talk  _ emotions  _ not  _ desires  _ then Louis would put his head back on his chest and Nick could play with his bird’s nest of a hairdo. That was not the case. Nick felt like he abused the situation and violated many rules.

 

His friends had been dead right about it not being a good idea to get involved with a pretty boy. Pretty boys caused heartache, something Nick wasn’t too familiar with, but had come to hate in such a short amount of time.

  
  


_ He really was so very pretty. Not hot, cute, sexy. Just really fucking pretty, and Nick had faith that this was an actual game changer for him. He promised his friends that he would try, so here he was standing in the middle of the wine section at Waitrose silently praying that he picked something that he might like. Everything had been going well for the past month in a half. The change in Nick’s mood and overall personality had become very much noticeable to everyone. Okay, sure the two of them fucked every time they were together, but they also talked and held each other and he stayed until the morning. They made breakfast together for fuck’s sake! _

 

_ Those silent prayers were soon interrupted by two voices, one rather distinct, that made Nick’s heart jump. The smile that was on his lips automatically faded when he saw the sight of the prettiest boy ever holding hands with another guy. And oh. That was not supposed to be what happened. Obviously it seemed that it was only a bit of a fuck around for him. Before the boy could ever utter a single word, Nick turned his back, leaving without another glance. _

 

_ The feeling in his chest was so foreign. It hurt too much for just someone that was a casual shag. Truly this had been someone that could have changed things for him, but no. There was too much embarrassment coursing in Nick’s veins. He knew there was a reason he kept things so simple. He knew there was a reason he liked getting off more than finding a proper cuddler to keep at his side. Just the idea of telling his friends made him feel awful. He could just… not. But they would know. They always knew. _

 

_ So one week later when he was trapped on his sofa, Pixie and Alexa on either side of him, Pig and Stinky at his feet, and a glass of wine in his hand, he let it slip. He might have sniffled about in all honesty, but he would never let anyone ever know that part of the story. However, due to his immense amount of shame (which was an utterly stupid amount considering the outrageous things he had done in his past thirty-three years of life), he left out the part that the pretty boy had another man. Instead he simply said it didn’t work for the guy. Even though Nick never said how much it hurt, the two girls read it on his face. It was unlike any reaction Nick’s had about a boy. _

 

_ They offered to take the deal off the table, let this one slide. But Nick declined, saying he wasn’t about to back down from this and look cowardly. He was going to abide by the rules of the game. (In all honesty, he should have taken the offer, but he was too submerged in the fact that he needed to run from a problem that he didn’t even think of the possibility of where they would be sending him.) _

 

_ Then, three days after that, he found himself on his bed fucking  _ crying  _ into the pillow while he tried to pack because he felt like an utter fuck head for thinking he was meant to have a proper boyfriend instead of a shag. No, Nick Grimshaw just needed a good shag and everything in the world would okay, right? He buried his face into the pillow, whining to himself and thinking about how he heard Pixie talking to Alexa about “derby” and “horses” and “funky hats” over the past couple days. The fuck if Nick had any idea as to what was going to happen on this two week “adventure”. He packed shorts hoping for sand and a salty breeze, but at this point it seemed highly unlikely. As long as the place had alcohol, he might just be okay. _

 

And as wrong as Nick had been thinking of a sandy beach, and he hadn’t consumed that much alcohol on this trip (fuck, he needed a drink now), he sure did have the same heavy weight in his chest knowing that things had been fucked over. Quite literally.

 

But Louis was pretty. He had this loud personality, yet was so soft and fucking  _ tiny  _ compared to Nick. He could listen to Louis go on for days about all the things that he liked -Nick wished he would talk about him in his animated voice with grand hand gestures and sparkling smiles that made his eyes scrunch up-  and what he did during training that day. Nick enjoyed the shyness when Louis realized he was on a tangent, but Nick urged him to continue on, grinning like a kid when Louis played with the hem of his shirt. He would continue the story, but so mellow and peaceful instead of animated. That is exactly what Nick wanted. It is exactly what he needed in his life.

 

“Well fuck. This is it,” Nick muttered into the empty space around him. He could really use a cuddle from Pig right about now, but his lonely thoughts and Diet Coke (he might sneak in some bourbon) at nine in the morning would just have to do until he could get his head out of his arse and actually talk about how he felt.

 

-

 

The previous day passed without a word from Nick and sheet after sheet of rain. Louis had spent more than a decent portion of the day curled up in bed. The television buzzed in the background, yet his mind was everywhere but what was before him. First came the thoughts of each activity he did with Nick throughout the past several days. His brain kept trying to pinpoint the exact moment he should have known the intentions. Or what he mustered up to be Nick’s intentions. Really, he had no idea, but Nick’s silence said a lot in Louis’ mind.

 

So when Louis finally got out of the bed the very next day just because he heard a knock on the door, he didn’t really think about the large probability of it being Nick. But of course, here Nick was in joggers, a Tupac t-shirt, and  _ fucking Gucci slippers  _ an unreadable expression on his face. His figure looked awkward standing right by the entrance to Louis’ apartment, and Louis was sure he himself looked just as awkward in a massive orange sweater and boxers, hair an unruly mess. And this was  _ his  _ apartment, yet he looked out of place.

 

Neither of them said anything. It was more of them standing or shifting from foot to foot, hoping that the other would speak first. Louis refused to speak first though. He didn’t want to say something that he just might end up regretting. Alternatively, he went and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before sprawling out on the couch. Truly, he had all day. And the next. And until it was time for Nick to leave. For sure.

 

Unsure of what to do now, Nick let a heavy sigh pass his lips. “Can we go for a walk?”

 

In an attempt to be civilized, Louis nodded his head. Maybe a walk would be nice. It always felt refreshing outside after a day of storms. “Yeah, I just need to get some pants.”

  
  


It would be rude to laugh, but that’s what Louis really wanted to do right about now. Then again, he could have made things easier by just talking downtown, but no. He wanted to take Nick to Big Four. It was somewhere they hadn’t been yet and despite what happened, he still wanted the humdrum experience. And it was also nearly a three mile walk just to get to the bridge. Therefore, there was plenty of time to think.

 

The air was crisp, wrapping Louis in a relaxing comfort. Around them, the city seemed to be oddly dead. Not that Louis minded, and Nick didn’t seem phased. Honestly, Louis had no idea what was going through his brain in that very moment. He wasn’t sure if the stone locked face was a good or bad thing. Part of him wanted to be to read exactly how he was feeling and the other part of him just wanted to ignore it completely. Ignoring it wasn’t an option though considering they already made it to the foot of the bridge once Louis had the energy and willingness to say something.

 

“Tell me what’s going on inside that thick skull of yours.”

 

-

 

Nick really had to swallow his pride as him and Louis walked to the top of the bridge. He was a grown man. He could talk about how he felt and what was going on inside of his head. So when they got to the starting entrance in all its nonexistent grandeur, Nick started talking.

 

He started with how he was when it came to men. He knew how his life was portrayed by certain media coverage, and he assured Louis of that. With that, he confirmed that they weren’t really wrong. He wasn’t a slag per se, but he definitely did not have the best track record when it came to… relationships. Or if you would even call them that. He told Louis that sex was easier for him. It made things less complicated. Louis only nodded.

 

Next, he made an ordeal out of explaining why he was on edge. Something about pretty boys and the wine aisle. Really, he could have just simply said that the pretty boy was not interested in being monogamous, but that just would not do. You know, dramatics, details. It’s all crucial. Nick was open about how he felt about the boy. How his chest and body felt something that wasn’t a norm for him.

 

The most embarrassing part was telling Louis about the deal that he had made with his friends. Nick literally saw the hurt wash over Louis’s face when he realized Nick was here because he couldn’t keep a relationship. And,  _ no.  _ Nick hadn’t meant it like that. He hadn’t meant to make Louis feel like he was the first victim once Nick was back in the game. Guilt and panic churned in his stomach. If he wasn’t so fearful of death, he might just throw himself over the side of the bridge, but he restrained himself.

 

It was quiet for some time after that. Their pace had only taken them to the very end of the bridge where it descends onto the Indiana bank side. So much time was still on their hands until they returned to the apartments. At the same time, there was barely any left. Nick would be gone soon. Fuck. He trembled at the thought, not wanting to leave without at least making amends. 

 

So on the journey back towards the Kentucky waterfront, Nick wrenched in his courage and finally admitted he had the soft ache in his chest. Now, he was unsure of what that actually was, but he promised Louis that it was a good thing. The look that Louis got on his face was utterly breathtaking. Nick almost wishes he had been able to take a photo and frame that exact moment.

 

Louis’ eyes had widened just slightly as a pale blush creeped up onto his cheeks. The corners of his mouth curled up just in the right way to make the corners of his eyes crinkle in that exact way that Nick had determined was his favorite look.  As his eyes crinkled, his nose scrunched up just in the slightest. Nick’s lips twitched into a smile at that simple, involuntary action. The peachy color of his sweater made the moment even more soft and endearing. The size made him look even tinier, and Nick’s heart skipped a beat at that, he swears. 

 

Trying to be as sly as he could in the open daylight, Nick reached out to brush his fingertips over the rope tattoo around his wrist. Just the daintiness of his wrists were peeking out from beneath the partially rolled up sleeves of the sweater. The touch was private. It was almost like Nick was reassuring Louis that everything was okay and this wasn’t wrong. But at the same time, it was a moment of clarity, a moment of proof that all of this was very much real. There was no turning back from it now. Not like Nick would if he could.

 

Nick admitted to Louis that he didn’t know how to work with how he felt about boys necessarily, but he hoped he would learn to try. Now was a start. It was a step towards something he knew he needed to do for himself. He was unsure what the current throb in his sternum would mean for the future, but in that moment he knew that he was safe, secure, and at peace. He told Louis exactly that which made his lips curl into a timid smile. Although Louis didn’t speak, his silent voice and actions said it all.

 

Over the past two weeks, Nick had grown rather fond of the city that he was about to leave. There wasn’t an exact place that he grew most attached to. They all had their special stories and adventures that he would keep locked away in his mind and chest for the rest of his time. He figured what made each place so significant to him was the company along the way.

 

In Louis, Nick had found solace in a city that brought discomfort. He found ease from the ongoing bustle of London. He learned to appreciate the smaller world around him. He discovered peace of mind. He realized there was more to his life than what he was already doing for himself and others. He found strength and fight and passion. He found admiration and something, no someone, so very beautiful. But most importantly, he found something in Louis that absolutely terrified Nick; something that he didn’t know how to properly admit.

 

In Louis, Nick had found a home.

  
  
  
  


It had been six months since Nick left Louis behind in America. No matter how many times he thought  _ fuck it, I’m not leaving  _ that wasn’t an option. He had a job, lovely dogs, and pretty great friends back at home that he couldn’t give up just yet. Of course he didn’t leave without making sure that he had Louis’ WhatsApp information stored safely in his phone, a smile plastered on his face as he walked towards is terminal.

 

Now it was early December, and there was a bite in the air. Truthfully his Northern blood didn’t have the right or need to complain about the new frigid temperatures, but that didn’t stop him. It did, however, make him want to be back in the grotesque, wet heat in Louisville. Or maybe just a nice cuddle from Louis would do. Right now all he could do was send him quick messages and updates about his life. Maybe the occasional crack at a joke. And emojis, of course.

 

The two never really brought up what had happened after the last talk they had before Nick’s flight. Nicely enough, it wasn’t an elephant in the room, and conversation was still normal. On occasion, they got to video chat which made Nick’s heart race at insane rates and even hours after doing so, he had a smile on his face from hearing Louis talk about this new exhibit at the Frazier or how his kids had done during a match. Everything sounded so good, so  _ interesting  _ just from the way Louis talked about it. There was still the ache in Nick’s chest that nothing more could come from this. An ocean and hours separated them.

 

Now, here Nick was, fucking ecstatic that he could go home right after the show today. He had been up too late chatting with Louis to really give a shit about what time it was. Louis apologized multiple times for keeping him up, but Nick urged him to continue. Because it was honestly more than okay.

 

He had a nice brew in his hand, bag on his shoulder, and scarf wrapped securely around his neck when he stepped outside of BBC. He could go for some curry. Maybe a glass of wine later. Definitely some Mary Berry. A little cuddle from the dogs. He desperately wanted to put on a pair of sweats. Possibly a nice phone chat with Louis.

 

As he headed towards the car waiting for him, he passed Louis waving at him. Quite unusual. Maybe he was over analyzing this. People here usually kept their heads down, to themselves, but this man seemed so out of place and-  _ Oh my god.  _ Nick stopped in his tracks finally realizing what the fuck was going on. It was  _ Louis.  _

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Nick asked preposterously.

 

“Nice to see you too, Grimmy.” Louis giggled. Fucking giggled. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, hands now shoved deep in the pockets of his large coat, a scarf around his neck and a beanie on top of his head.

 

Nick just stared at him which made Louis roll his eyes and step towards him. “You do remember me, right?”

 

Nick jumped at that, immediately pulling him in for a hug, trying not to spill his tea all over Louis (that would have been way too ironic). They stood like briefly before Nick came out of his daze, asking him if he minded coming in the car with him. It was too cold, and Louis was full on shaking from the chill. He obliged settling in next to Nick.

 

“So, are you going to tell me why you are here?”

 

Eye roll. “I devoted a good two weeks to being a half assed tour guide to your posh ass. You grew on me, and I missed the company. Always kept me extra busy.”

 

“Ha. Ha. You are hilarious.” Nick switched the cup into his other hand, turning his head to look over at Louis.

 

“No, but seriously. I missed you,” Louis murmured, staring down at the frayed edge of his scarf with which his fingers were toying. “Is that weird to say? I know we didn’t spend much time together, but whenever we went places, I had so much fun. I was so happy and excited to have someone that wanted to go out and do things. You actually seemed interested in the things I offered to do. Conversation was so easy, and I don’t get it-”

 

“Louis-”

 

“You seemed interested in what I said at least, but maybe you weren’t. I don’t know. Either way it was nice. I felt like I could really be, well, me around you which is hard sometimes. Not everyone understands. But it was like this connection-”

 

“Lou-”

 

“I really just wanted to spend every single moment talking with you because you always listen and you knew what to say and when to say it. You always had the coolest things to talk about. I know I fucked things up when I left after that night. It was such a good night and I never properly told you that. I just was too scared of being a fuck. I can’t do that to myself. And I just missed-”

 

_ Fuck it,  _ Nick thought as he surged forward to press his lips to Louis’. An undignified squeak passed his lips, but he shut up and relaxed beneath his touch. It was soft and warm and  _ right.  _ When the separated, Nick realized they were stopped at his place.

 

“I really missed you, too,” Nick whispered, planting another kiss on Louis’ lips before climbing out of the car, motioning for a startled Louis to follow.

 

Nick couldn’t help but grin at that.

 

-

 

This time Louis stayed. If anything at all kept him from leaving, it was that the sheets were so warm and the mattress was too cozy to make him want to move. In a more truthful way, he was staying because the rhythmic beat of Nick’s heart made him feel lazy and the heat of his skin swaddled him up in comfort. Also, one of Nick’s hands was in his hair and the other was on his bare back. He just couldn’t be bothered to even move. 

 

Okay, maybe it was the fact that their bare legs were tangled together beneath the duvet. It could also be that Louis very much liked the way Nick smelled or the way his breath tickled his cheek ever so softly. There was also a chance that it was the private smiles that they shared with each other, leaving the talking to silent glances and small kisses. Or if they were going to be upfront, it’s because Louis had just had the best fuck of his life.

 

And in all honesty, he just wanted this time to be right.

 

“You know, I’ve been in London for three days, and it has been so hard keeping it a secret,” Louis murmured shyly against Nick’s neck, finally having the courage to speak. He pressed his lips against the hot skin apologetically.

 

“What do you mean you’ve been here this long already?” Nick tensed beneath him, but his voice staying calm.

 

“Well, I’ve been, uh, in kahoots with Pixie and Alexa since August about this trip, actually.” Louis chewed on his bottom lip, curling himself closer to Nick, pressing a kiss to his collarbone. Another apology. 

 

This time Nick was quiet. Louis sighed.

 

“I planned the trip as a little birthday treat for myself,” Louis started again, his voice quivering just a bit. “And I really missed you whether you believe that or not. No matter how things ended or went when you were in Louisville, I still missed having you around. I- I had lots of fun. I wanted to surprise you, obviously.”

 

No words from Nick, but Louis could noticeably hear the increase in his heart rate. And another kiss, this time one right over his sternum.

 

“I was nervous to see you. I wanted it to be nice. But I couldn’t think of anything, so Pixie just said to show up at work. She helped coordinate it, and now I’m here.”

 

There was a brief pause before anything happened, so Louis laid another apologetic kiss over Nick’s ribs. “So you mean to tell me, you talked to my friends about coming to London?”

 

Nerves coursed through Louis’ veins. Well,  _ fuck.  _ Was he not supposed to have done that? If so, he felt like the world’s biggest dumbass in that moment. Of course it had to be after Nick put his dick up Louis’s ass. (Well, at least he got something from it if it all goes to shit.) So, another kiss to the soft spot right above his belly button.

 

“And you didn’t talk to me about it because you wanted me to be surprised?” Louis shifted, pressing yet another kiss to Nick’s skin. This time to his hip bone. He really was sorry if this was the last thing Nick wanted. Maybe an ‘I’m sorry’ blowjob would do the trick. That was until Louis was tugged up and manhandled until he was fully seated in Nick’s lap.

 

“I got the prettiest surprise of all. I’m so happy,” Nick murmured, their lips brushing softly. Both what Nick said and did made Louis flush immensely.

 

“You’re not too bad yourself.” And Nick grinned wickedly and Louis felt like absolute putty. Especially when their cocks brushed one another. Oh fuck.

 

Nick, of course, took this to his complete advantage, flipping them over as if Louis were a rag doll. And frankly, Louis couldn’t be bothered about it. It actually made him flush even more. Their eyes bore into each other once Nick had Louis trapped beneath him. Louis also couldn’t keep his hands off Nick’s chest. It was quite possibly his greatest weakness.

 

“Let me show you how happy I am,” Nick whispered as he leaned down to suck a bruise onto the tendon in Louis’ neck. Really, Louis couldn’t be bothered with the level of cheesiness that was on because Nick had his mouth on him.

 

And that was more than enough to shut him up.

 

Way more than enough.

 

He could keep it like this forever.

 


	2. oh the places we'll go

A bitter cold and gray sky surrounded Louis, chilling him to the bone. Truly, that was his own fault because he was the one that decided to take a walk outside. The bitterness wasn’t too bad though. It was known to become this cold back home in Louisville. However, the sea breeze is what really nipped harshly at his skin despite all the multiple layers. Anybody else might be turned off by this during the middle of winter, but Louis was positively buzzing under his freezing body. Somehow, by the will of God you could say, things just seemed to go their way.

 

Louis had spent an entire week with Nick after he first appeared outside BBC. In that time, he confessed to Nick that his soccer career had come to an end. Nick may or may not have nearly pissed himself in alarm, but Louis swore that he wouldn’t tell anyone about how it all went down. As Louis’ heart raced, he whispered to Nick that he was finally (finally!) going to use his degree. As in he was actually going to get to work with history and French culture and civilization. Nick kissed him swiftly, and they fucked right there on the couch after that. The two couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day.

 

He was due to head home after the week, but Nick asked, or nearly begged Louis to come with him to Saint Malo. Nick  _ swore  _ he would be able to get him there the same time as him. He would do  _ whatever it takes.  _ Of course, Louis wanted to go. A trip to France. Fucking France. Louis’ heart raced at the thought, but he told Nick he couldn’t. There was no way he could proper budget this. He surely didn’t want to look like a fool.

 

No, Nick wasn’t having any of it. He quite literally got down on his knees in front of Louis and promised that he would cover it. Guilt washed over Louis. There was no way he could let him do that. Absolutely not! Surely. Zero chance.

 

But then Nick  _ fucking rimmed him  _ into oblivion, and Louis had no choice but to agree, completely and utterly fucked out, a sly smirk on Nick’s face.

 

So here they were, walking along the cobblestone walkway parallel to the beach heading back to their room from the shops. Not a lot of people were out, and if they were, they were bundled up to the max. Soft waves lapped at the shore which provided a soothing background noise. There wasn’t much talk between the two. They rather opted for a comfortable silence, letting their fingertips ghost over one another.

 

Louis didn’t mind that one bit. In this moment, he quite possibly felt as free as he ever had. Louisville wasn’t there to confine him to what he has known his whole life. He wasn’t in London, a quite possible place where things could go downhill if he was caught within the public eye. Here he was in fucking France, on the coast, absorbing the (quite literally) chilling beauty and atmosphere, and getting to hold hands and kiss a man (Nick!) without fear quaking in the pit of his stomach.

 

“I know my friends can be… overbearing. I promise they only want the best,” Nick finally spoke once they reached the entrance of their place. “I’m sure they already know though.”

 

The thing was, Louis and Nick hadn’t really spent much time talking about what they were or could possibly be. More times than not, they were fucking or talking shit or something like that. Even if Louis (and he hoped Nick did the same) felt the way that he did, he didn’t want to say a word about it. He knew he should, he really did. But I wanted, no  _ needed,  _ Nick to say something first.

 

Now, here they were finally somewhat hinting at  _ something.  _ Confusion swept over Louis’ face as they hiked up the narrow staircase to the second level. “What?”

 

“They know that you are the best for me,” Nick murmured from behind Louis. Nick put his hands on Louis’ tiny waist from behind. “I talked about you a lot. Even when I was in Louisville.”

 

Louis stilled at that. His breath caught in his throat. Their door was partially opened in front of them, yet Louis couldn’t be bothered to enter as Nick leaned down to press a kiss to the back of his neck. Everything he felt in that moment was hot. Fucking scalding. His blood. His skin. Nick’s lips. Louis gulped, and Nick took his silence as a chance to continue.

 

“Never stopped once I came home. ‘M sure they were dead excited when they got to help you get to London.” Louis was trembling at this point. Nick’s body felt  _ too good  _ pressed against him. His mind was blurred, but he listened. He couldn’t stop listening.

 

“I... It’s a lot for me to admit, Louis.” Nick took this time to turn him around in his arms. Louis knew his face was utter shock and so fucking red. He could feel the heat radiating off his cheeks. And here Nick was looking so cool and confident, but Louis  _ knew.  _ Deep down it was a lot, almost impossible, for him to actually get it out there. “But I just want you to think the same.”

 

The hallway felt stuffy and cramped, and it was just them standing there. Them and the silence. Louis did what he knew he could and kissed Nick straight on the mouth. No pretense, just reassurance that it was  _ okay,  _ that this was  _ right.  _

 

Tension dissolved from Nick’s shoulders. The telltale sign was when Nick leaned into Louis touch on his chest. He sighed into his mouth, the small breath he was holding, gone. It was more than either of them had even discussed since April, but here they were: the hallway of a hotel in fucking Saint-Malo, mid-kiss after finally saying something, anything about how this  _ relationship  _ made them feel.

 

To Louis, it was a marvelous awakening. This is exactly what felt natural. Everything seemed to be right in place. Nick was close to him. Louis could feel him, hear him,  _ smell  _ him. His body screamed  _ Nick! Nick! Nick!  _ with every little touch. Just this is what he wanted. No,  _ needed.  _ It could keep him grounded.

 

The best part is that it could actually work.

 

-

  
  


_ “My friend Liam lives in London.” Louis’ voice was so fucked out that it made Nick’s heart jump. But, oh. Nick didn’t necessarily know what Louis was getting at, but he hoped something positive could come from it. Let’s be honest, if there wasn’t anything good coming from it, Nick might have a heart attack right then and there. _

 

_ “Yeah? How come?” Because, truly, Nick was curious. (And maybe, just maybe, Louis would give him something, anything.) His slight desperation was, to put it lightly, disgusting and by no means cute, yet he exuded exuberant amounts of it. _

 

_ Louis let out a breathy laugh, stroking his fingertips over Nick’s thigh. And fuck, that tickled, but Nick would  _ not  _ let Louis know that. And then Louis’ fingertips brushed the head of Nick’s cock. And fuck. He should do that again. Please. Now he was desperate for more than just a piece of good fortune. “We were in college together. He studied abroad quite frequently. All the internships from just that alone got him a starting position over here.” _

 

_ “What did he study?” Okay, he just had to ask. And there really was no going back now. (And to be fair, it was a completely logical question, thank you very much.) _

 

_ That got a small smirk from Louis, and Nick really couldn’t help but to put his hand on Louis’ bum and pull him directly into his lap. “History and art business. Liam’s a curator, Nick.” _

 

_ Nick could feel his eyes widen at the possible realization (the one he desperately hoped Louis was getting at). Like,  _ please  _ just get to the punchline. Louis’ hand was still on Nick’s dick. His patience was wearing thin. Very thin. Almost completely and utterly invisible. He- _

 

_ Okay, he couldn’t hold back all the thoughts rushing through his head. _

 

_ “Are you going to move here?” Nick asked quickly which got a signature Louis eye roll in response. _

 

_ “Well, fuck. Take the words right out of my mouth won’t you?” Louis smiled the most breathtaking smile. One where is eyes crinkle just right, so Nick can still see the beautiful blue yet feel the softness radiating off of him. But he also squeezed  _ just  _ right to have Nick choking on his breath. Oh, the repercussions. _

 

_ “Is this- Are you serious?” It’s true. Nick didn’t know if this was some sick game. (Both Louis coming back to London and the continuous teasing from Louis who pretended like  _ nothing  _ was going on.) It couldn’t possibly be true. It couldn’t possibly be the exact thing that he was thinking. But, obviously, it just slipped out. _

 

_ “I mean, I finish school at the end April. I have a summer internship set up with Liam and his people. I’ll be back in London from the end of June until September.” Louis looked so fucking happy, and Nick’s heart (and his dick) throbbed. Nick wished Louis all the happiness ever. He would do just about anything to see him emitting such joy all the time. _

 

_ “If it all works out, I might actually have a job here, Nick.” And, finally, as if it were a fucking prize or he was competing for a blue ribbon, Louis blew him like a champ. _

 

-

 

The following day brought sun which was a serious change compared to the previous days. Due to the newfound warmth, Louis and Nick took a blanket down to the sand, giving them a day of languid peace. The water looked exceptionally dark blue on this day which contrasted beautifully with the soft clouds in the sky. It really must have been the emergence of the sun when Louis found the confidence to finally read to Nick.  _ This was a big step. _

 

Louis had completed a piece that he was rather proud of, and all those months ago, baseball bat towering high above, Nick had asked if he would be lucky enough to read any of them. Thing is, Louis couldn’t stand having people read his work when he was around. The furrow of the brow or the quirk of their lip brought a sense of uneasiness to him. Something he could do, and he prided himself in this, was read -no, perform- the piece.

 

He toed off his shoes from his sitting position. With a grin and clasped hands, he glanced down at Nick’s face adorned with sunglasses and a similar smile laying back on the blanket. He looked  _ good  _ (and he  _ knew  _ he thought that a lot, still too fearful to say it out loud) _.  _ Of course it was subjective, but it must have been all the time spent with him as of late that made him appreciate moments just like this.

 

“The sun is right behind you. Looks like you are the face of the sun.” Ha, very funny. Louis simply rolled his eyes at Nick’s antics, shrugging it away like an offhand joke or something. However, he couldn’t deny that his stomach flipped at that.

 

“I want to read one of my pieces to you.” And that got Nick to push himself up onto his elbows. Almost at lightning speed. Almost.

 

“That so?” And really Louis couldn’t hold back to eye roll on that one. Because,  _ no.  _ Obviously he was just saying it for shits and giggles.

 

“Imbecile,” Louis muttered getting a solid laugh from Nick. “Yes, and it is called  _ Something That Never Happens. _ ”

 

Nick nodded, and Louis could tell he had every bit of him focused on Louis and Louis only. So Louis took a deep breath, crossing his legs in front of him before beginning. He kept his gaze out towards the water, the lapping of the waves providing him a soothing calmness.

 

_ “A balloon of soft pinks, purples, and oranges _

_ Explode across the canvas that keeps  _

_ humanity trapped.” _

 

Louis paused, flicking his gaze to Nick. He needed something, anything as a sign to continue. Although Nick’s face was unreadable, he bopped his head as an indication for him to go on. The clouds, in that moment, made the sun hidden which brought a chill to Louis’ bones. Alas, he went on.

 

_ “Only moments before, _

_ The little stick figures below were surrounded _

_ By a chilly darkness, but once the warmth _

_ Emerged, they were enlightened.” _

 

Another hesitant glance at Nick, and this time, there was a small upward curve on his mouth. Unknown tension left Louis’ shoulders. Before continuing, he laid back on the blanket, eyes up on the clouds.

 

_ “As twenty-four hours pass, the shadowy  _

_ Figures and despicable creatures disappear. _

_ A beautiful new era takes its place.” _

 

Everything felt so right. Each word sounded so good as it rolled off his tongue. He was actually  _ proud.  _ Nick had been right about that; being proud of your own work is the biggest accomplishment, not necessarily what others thought. Still, he acutely needed Nick to be fond of this one. He wanted him to feel the warmth, the hope, the- Maybe not that. That was too silly. He got a quick look at Nick’s face before his eyes squinted shut from the sun reappearing. Almost as if the sun itself  _ knew  _ what Louis was saying.

 

_ “No one _

_ Needs a century to go by for new ideas or _

_ Fads to come. Wait for the light of a new  _

_ Day, and relish in the afterglow.” _

 

The air was filled with silence, aside from the soft, occasional breeze and the gentle crashing of waves on wet sand. It was almost eerie because Louis didn’t have a clue what that could possibly mean. With force he sat up, blinking his eyes open to look over at Nick.  _ Fuck,  _ he really was beautiful, and he was astonished that not everyone could actually see it. Right now, he looked so calm, so serene, so in his concept. Everything in that moment was-  _ it was everything.  _

 

“I loved that.” And that was surely one of the best things that Louis has ever heard in this life. He could feel his neck flush under Nick’s gaze even though he couldn’t see his eyes from behind his sunglasses. “Made me think of the night at the drive-in.”

 

It’s feasible to think that Louis was being dramatic when he teared up just from that. He couldn’t tell if it was from the words themselves or the way that Nick said them. It could be home he just  _ knew  _ Nick’s eyes were boring into his behind tinted lenses. Or it could ever be the fact that they were sitting in the sand on the northern coast of France. Maybe it was just every little detail of that moment that made him feel clobbered with emotion.

 

“That’s where I got my inspiration.” Louis felt so open and exposed, but it felt so good. It felt utterly fantastic to let Nick in on the very little detail that would be difficult to explain to so many other people. But Nick made him feel like he could do it, tell people, tell anyone who would listen, tell the world that this is who he was.

 

Nick sat up fully at that, one hand coming to hold Louis’ cheek in his palm. His skin felt hot, electric almost. Nick kissed in firmly on the mouth. It wasn’t rushed or sloppy, but reassuring and grounding. Every kiss with Nick felt good, but this one was different. It had an energy that made Louis lay back on the blanket again, pulling Nick right with him. He couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t seem to get enough. It was hard to when he was so  _ Nick  _ and Louis craved every bit of him.

 

But when they finally parted, both their cheeks were flushed and their lips were curved up into smiles. Louis tugged at the sleeves of his sweatshirt, pulling the green material over his hands, so only the tips of his fingers were visible. And Louis would never say it out loud, but he felt so  _ tiny  _ in that moment and he  _ loved  _ it.

 

“Can I take your picture?” It was unusual because typically Nick didn’t ask. He just went along with whatever happened to be stored on his phone. If it was anything he posted anywhere, Louis’ face was barely visible. They hadn’t discussed anything  _ that  _ far or serious.

 

“That’s a silly question, Grimmy.” Because really, it was.

 

“But, like-” Nick shifted, thumbing at his phone. “I want to put it out there. I want people to see you. See you and me. Like- together? And I want you to be okay with that.”

 

Okay, Louis really couldn’t help but flush at that. Nick casually mentioned something about being together? Now, he didn’t want to blow this out of proportion, but that was definitely a jab at  _ something. _

 

“Nick-”

 

“You just look dead gorgeous right now.”

 

Really, Louis didn’t think his face could possibly flush anymore, but  _ whoops! _ there it goes. His heart was racing at a rapid pace, and he couldn’t really formulate a cohesive response, so he snapped his mouth shut. He didn’t want to look like fucking blubbering baby! So he simply opted for nodding. 

 

And God. Nick smiled so bright until after he snapped the picture, assuring Louis that he looked stunning. Louis (of course) had to roll his eyes at that because it was  _ so subjective _ . Nick immediately tossed his phone to the side after that. Nothing else matter when Nick leaned down to kiss Louis again. And again. And again.

 

They kissed until they laughed and their cheeks hurt from smiling.

 

Louis never felt more alive in his life.

 

-

 

Truth be told, one of Nick’s favorite things was the sunset. The colors swirled and meshed together fucking magnificently up there in the sky. Each color bounced off the darkness of the water beneath it bringing some sort of artificial warmth to Nick. It’s possible he would have never well cared for this before, back in London that is. Well, maybe it had become so all because of his time with Louis. 

 

_ Louis. _

 

Nick hadn’t meant for it, and Louis  _ knew  _ that. He even apologized profusely, chest tight because this hadn’t been thinking wholly about this. No matter how out of his hands this was, no matter what was said, he blamed himself for every little thing.

 

He had been over in one of the other rooms talking shit and whatnot with some of his friends while Louis was getting ready for dinner that night. It wasn’t until Nick came back to fetch Louis when he saw it.

 

Louis had his feet tucked underneath him on the bed, pants, but no shirt covered his body. His head was hanging down, yet Nick  _ knew  _ that he was crying. He could tell by the tension in his shoulders and the way that each breath passed his lips. Nick’s immediate instinct was  _ what the fuck  _ and to reach out and comfort Louis.

 

That was  _ not  _ what Louis wanted. He flinched away completely, moving until his back was pressed against the headboard. If it wasn’t evident that he was crying before, you could definitely tell now from each old streak down his face and the new ones pooling in the corners of his eyes. Nick just stood helplessly, frozen there. Things hadn’t even been this cold after the first time they slept together. And that- That had been an experience he never wanted to relive. But here he was. Nick swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing visibly.

 

“Is that what I am?” Louis whispered cautiously. And you could  _ hear _ , you could  _ feel  _ that pain, frustration, and exhaustion in his voice.

 

“You’ve got to tell we what’s going on, Louis.” Because, really, Nick had no idea what was going on. He didn’t know what sparked this. He didn’t know what he could possibly do to help.

 

“Am I a fuck toy?” His voice changed drastically in just seconds. Louis sounded like fucking _ice._ His eyes were dark, but past that, fear swam around. However, it wasn’t just the change in Louis’ tone that had Nick on edge. It was the actual words that made his mouth go dry and his palms go sweaty.

 

“Pardon?” Really, it’s all Nick could get out.

 

Eye roll. “Goddamn, am I your fuck toy?” 

 

There was so much bitterness, and it was practically eating him alive. “For fuck’s sake,  _ no.  _ Why would you say that?”

 

“It’s what everyone is saying,” Louis threw his phone down on the bed. “All surprised you kept me around this long or at all since I’m “not one of those _ Diesel  _ models that can get it”.”

 

Nick blanched. “ _ What? _ ”

 

“They fucking know I’ve been around since Louisville. I don’t know how they could tell, but there are people that picked up on it after that photo you posted earlier.” Louis’ bottom lip was quivering. More tears seemed like they would fall at any moment.

 

“Louis, you know that’s not true. Why would you believe such shit? From them of all people. They don’t know all the stuff that happens in my life.” Nick was trying. He really was. There was absolutely no way Louis, the  _ prettiest  _ boy, the boy with an  _ ocean  _ in his eyes could possibly be anything more than- And that hit Nick like a ton of bricks.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you do fuck around.” And  _ that  _ was a low blow. Nick blinked, pretending to be unphased by his comment.

 

Nick pressed his lips together in a tight line. “If I’ve actually made you think that at any point in which we’ve known each other, then I have done something wrong.”

 

With that, he turned over his shoulder, leaving Louis alone on the bed once more. No matter how hard he tried to brush off the comment, it just stayed plastered to his him. The problem was, it’s true. There  _ had  _ been quite a few people that Nick got off with, but in the entirety of knowing Louis, he had only ever been with Louis or thought of Louis. Just the thought of how serious this became for Nick without him fully being aware was scary.

 

He told his friends some shit about Louis not feeling well, so they were just going to stay in tonight. Although, that did get a couple suggestive brows from his friends. He swallowed down the ache and nausea after that. A quick laugh and a promise that Louis really didn’t feel well had all of them content enough. They sent their regards to Louis. Nick just nodded.

 

Time had passed, and here Nick was standing out on the walkway, staring at the watercolor sky. There was a nip in the air that was unlike the sunny rays produced earlier on. He glanced out towards the sandy shore, a small smile curling up onto his lips thinking of how crazy beautiful Louis sounded when he opened up about his pieces. But the smile turned into a frown when the flash of Louis’ face on the screen came to mind. The nausea returned at the thought Louis thinking of himself as a toy in Nick’s grasp.

 

The thought of him being a complete slag continued to race through his mind. That’s something that Louis knew about and could see. It’s something that couldn’t be hidden at this point, but it still hurt. It hurt to be reminded of those years of his life when all he focused on was getting off, not holding a proper relationship. Now he was here thinking it through; actually being grown up about it. He wanted something proper. He knew, even with the heavy weight of worry in his chest, that Louis was the best for him. He was the one that made things right.

 

On the other hand, there was a gnawing in the pit of his stomach because he shouldn’t have walked out on Louis. He should have stayed right there. He should have fought a little harder to hold him, give him what he needed. But Nick didn’t have the experience. He was rash, unperturbed at the time about this being the  _ wrong  _ thing to do.

 

After one threatening gust of wind, Nick headed back up to their room. The sun had finally disappeared into the water leaving the streetlights to provide a soft illuminated path for him to follow. Each step back to the room left more and more tension in his body.

 

Curled up under the covers on the bed was Louis, back facing Nick’s side. He looked so small which made Nick want to cry. There really wasn’t a way to tell if he was fully asleep. But Nick kept quiet anyway, shoving off his trousers, jacket, and sweater. The bed only creaked slightly when Nick fixed his body under the duvet. Once he was still, staring up at the ceiling, Louis rolled over basically molding himself to Nick’s side. Nick had to let out a breath of relief at that.

 

Louis rested his head over over his chest, right over where is heart was thrumming incessantly. Nick trailed his fingers down the obscene curve of Louis’ waist before wrapping his arm around him securely. And then it was Nick that spoke first.

 

“I’m so sorry.” It came out more muffled than he intended, but so be it.

 

Louis nuzzled his cheek against where it lay. “No, ‘m sorry. I just- it was a lot for me to process in that moment. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”

 

Surprisingly, Louis’ voice as strong and clear in the cold, dark silence of the room. Louis didn’t  _ need  _ to be sorry. “Louis, no. I’m new at this, yeah? I should have stayed and talked. All you said about what I have done is true, but right in this moment with you, it’s not. You aren’t just a damn toy. I- You have become so much to me, and that is most definitely not one of the things.”

 

It was truly silent for a few moments. Of course, that just ate away at Nick’s nerves even more. Because fuck. What was Louis going to say? Was he going to say anything at all? How did he feel?

 

“You’ve done more than enough in this time to prove to me that I am so much more than that, so much more than what I myself make myself out to be.” And oh. That really hit Nick straight in the chest. A soft, gentle energy blossomed in his chest.  _ Relief. Happiness. _

 

His voice felt so… quiet after that. Everything seemingly changed in just that moment. “I’ll continue to do whatever and all that I need to make you feel that way.”

 

Nick could feel the curve of a smile against his chest. He bet it looked beautiful on Louis right in that moment. But he didn’t need reassurance or a quick look to see if that was true. He already knew that it would be. He already knew that Louis had this beauty that no one else in the could possibly possess.

 

That alone was enough for him to know that everything was okay. 

 

-

 

Rain fell in sheets the following day. As much as everyone on the trip disproved of this, it gave everyone plenty of time to just chill out in their own rooms before meeting up for dinner. And in all honesty, Nick didn’t mind one bit because that meant more time alone with Louis and Louis only. Really, that said a lot about things. 

 

In the past, he might opt to go hang out with Pixie in her room or see what the fuck Henry might be up to, but this time around, he was perfectly content laying in bed. Now, he didn’t want to say it to his friends that a boy had properly changed him, but he knew that they already could tell and he would be quite happy to scream it from the rooftops. And  _ that  _ was fucking insane.

 

Now Louis was sprawled out on the bed, beautifully naked and no cover over his body, after a shower. As if Nick was any better because he really didn’t have the energy to put anything on while Louis was in the bathroom. (But neither would complain, obviously.)

 

So, Nick spent his time with his eyes focused on Louis. He was a fucking sight. The most glorious of sights. So gorgeous that it seemed nearly impossible to take one’s eyes off him, and that Nick needed to find out how to make him the eighth wonder of the world (no, he absolutely, positively did not need his friends to hear that for sure.)

 

The curve of Louis’ back was fucking sinful as he lay on his stomach, propped up by his elbows. Not to mention the swell of his arse. One that Nick would willingly drool over in front of just about anyone. It truly was to die for. Yet here Nick was, still utterly infatuated with the penguin tattooed onto his arse. Without thought, he reached out to brush his fingertips over the design causing Louis to arch into the touch.

 

“Can I help you?” Nick stilled his hand, leaving his fingertips hovering over Louis’ bare skin. Louis turned his head just enough so Nick could see the sharpness of his jaw. Oh,  _ God.  _

 

“You said I would never see this tattoo.” Nick bit back a laugh. “But now I am here  _ touching  _ it.”

 

Louis flipped over at that, and Nick had to tell himself not to pout at the loss of contact with Louis’ bum. But it was fine because Louis’ cock was resting right there in front of him, and he had to resist not to reach out and touch it. Truthfully speaking, Nick never considered a cock  _ pretty,  _ but Louis’ made one hell of an exception.

 

“You really do know how to talk some shit,” Louis mused, kicking his leg out to poke his toe at the flower on Nick’s thigh. “I mean, I’m surprised about all the tattoos I’ve got. The ink, like, goes past the epidermis into the dermis where the blood vessels and nerves are mainly located. The blood vessels kind of pick up the ink in a way, and it gets transported throughout the body. This one girl was scanned for cancer, and the results blew up! Everything lit up, and it was because she had a lot of tattoos and the ink got into her liver and stuff.”

 

Nick blinked.  _ What the fuck?  _ I mean, most people knew it wasn’t always the best to get tattoos, but it wasn’t directly harmful per se. But here Louis was rattled off a fucking textbook about the negative effects of tattoos. “Where the bloody hell did you learn that?”

 

“Anatomy!” Louis was just eating this up. All cheerful eyes and happy grins.

 

“Louis Tomlinson, here I thought you were a history buff and poetry fanatic. Now  _ science _ ?” Because it was true. Nick was blown away.

 

“Eh, it’s not my  _ favorite. _ ” Louis paused. “Want me to tell you the chemical difference between morphine and heroin?”

 

Nick was quite stunned, but he just went along with it, letting out a chuckle. “Uh, sure? You seem quite proud, honestly.”

 

An eye roll. “Morphine has two alcohol groups while heroin synthetically has been made from morphine to have two carboxyl groups. The heroin structure if then made more lipid soluble and can cross the blood brain barrier. When it crosses, it turns into morphine. Hence why it’s a big drug because it’s so addictive and fucks with neurotransmitters a lot.”

 

What the actual fuck were they going on about? Nick had absolutely no idea how to process all this new, glorious (and very much useless) information. “Is there anything else you are hiding from me?”

 

“Um… Je parle un peu fran çais?” And Nick’s eyes bugged at that one. Because Nick had been making quite the fool of himself on this trip trying to communicate with the people around him, and Louis could speak French? He wondered how many times Louis had laughed at him behind his back for his ridiculous attempts.

 

“You’re kidding right? Things would have been significantly easier had I known you could speak French.” Nick reached out to give Louis’ hip a little pinch before pulling his body towards his.

 

Louis then pinched Nick’s nipple, a smirk on his mouth. Frankly, Nick couldn’t hold back the low whine after that. Because no. That was not allowed. He couldn’t- Louis couldn’t just do that to him and not expect anything in return. (Okay, maybe Nick was exaggerating. And maybe he liked it just a tiny bit, but he would NOT let Louis know. Period.) 

 

Mirth danced in Louis’ eyes, a playful grin on his lips. “It was funny watching you try, Grimmy.”

 

“I bet it was.” Nick paused, slyly moving his hand until it was placed over the penguin on Louis’ bum. “I do like the tattoo though.”

 

Louis cackled, nudging Nick’s legs apart with his knee, so he could rest his own leg in between them. “Even though I made you suffer?”

 

Nick was feeling brave when he Louis’ bum a pat before draping his arm over his waist. “I’m sure I’d still like you no matter what you did to me.”

 

There was a pause, and both Louis and Nick stilled. It wasn’t until Louis looked up at him from his place on Nick’s chest, an awe-inspiring smile on his face, eyes bright like the stars when Nick let out the breath he was holding. Fuck, Louis really was the prettiest boy, no person, that he had ever seen. Really, he couldn’t help that he heart skipped a beat.

 

“Don’t worry. I feel the same way towards you.”

 

-

 

The following evening, everyone went down into town for drinks to celebrate New Year’s Eve. The rain had cleared up, and despite the ground being wet, the air was only slightly bitter. It was actually such a good night. Louis prided himself in the confidence he exuded in front of all of Nick’s friends. Aside from their posh exterior and everything that Nick had said about them, they were all quite compatible with him. And really, it was the best seeing Nick smiling at him all night long as Louis interacted with the people that meant the most to him.

 

It wasn’t until later, before midnight, when Pixie and Alexa pulled him aside to  _ really  _ talk to him. If Louis were to say he wasn’t nervous, he would very much so be lying. But there was no time for nerves. If he could handle Nick himself, he could handle his friends.

 

“We’ve never seen Nick like this before.” That was the first thing that left Pixie’s mouth, and Louis trembled only slightly at those words. As if they knew his nerves were starting to eat him alive, Alexa jumped in quick.

 

“We’ve never seen him this content and optimistic about the future.”  _ Oh.  _ Louis’ heart jumped at that, and he could  _ feel  _ the dark heat radiating off his skin.

 

“I just-” Louis started.

 

“Let us say this. You don’t have to vouch for anything or try to sway us. I assure you that you have our approval.” Pixie interrupted. And Louis smiled down at his feet at that, shoving his hands in his pockets while giving a shy shrug.

 

“Listen, Nick has probably told you some stuff, and if you knowing about him beforehand, you have seen it from a media coverage point of view. What you don’t see though is how he runs himself like crazy. He lets all his work consume him constantly. He thinks, in the end, he deserves the bare minimum from the people- the people he would sleep with,” Alexa started. At this point, Louis was chewing on his lower lip.

 

“But that’s not true. He truly is one of the greatest friends anyone could have. Not a lot of people get to see that. He opened up to you so easily. We were scared by that at first because we’ve seen how things end for him. This time, it’s been so different. When we planned the trip for him, we didn’t expect any of this. He left quite fucking miserable. Now, he’s so… grounded. And you did that, Louis.” The last part of what Pixie said had Louis shaking, more than he would like to admit. But  _ this  _ was so  _ real,  _ so  _ raw.  _ This is what he needed to hear. It made everything so very complete.

 

“I- Thank you.” Louis finally got out. “He’s not just some guy on the radio to me, you know? He appreciates me for the things that I don’t just tell anyone. He’s- He is so fascinating. Fucking poetry in human form, I think.”

 

That had both the girls smiling at him. Pixie spoke up first. “We know. You look at him like he hung the stars just for you, and he does the same to you. That’s not always the case when he is with someone. This time is different. This time is real. And, no, thank  _ you  _ for that.”

 

Louis gave them a watery smile, thankful that none of his tears had actually spilled over. He nodded appreciatively towards them. They flashed another smile before Alexa gave him a pat on the arm. “Go on and find him. No idea what he could be getting up to right now.”

 

Louis did just that, saying his thanks once more. He found Nick lounging on a bar stool with a few people around him, chatting away. This time, Louis didn’t feel like he was intruding when he marched straight up to him. Nick smiled warmly at him, wrapping an arm around Louis’ waist, the other hand holding a glass rather precariously.

 

“Where have you been?” Louis held back a giggle when Nick gave his butt a quick squeeze, but his cheeks still turned a soft pink.

 

“Just having a lovely chat with Pixie and Alexa. None of your business, mister.” Louis leaned forward and nudged his nose against Nick’s cheek. The simple gesture made Nick smile wider, turning his head so he could whisper in Louis’ ear.

 

“Can we go for a walk?” And who was Louis to deny him? So he nodded, grinning at Nick as he threw back the last contents in his glass, placing it on the bar behind him.

 

Nick was the one to lead the way, Louis following closely behind until there was a hand on his shoulder and a mouth whispering into his ear.

 

“Everyone likes you here. You’re a good one for him.” With a glance over his shoulder, he could tell that it was Henry fucking Holland. (Okay, yeah, they had been on this trip for a while, but they hadn’t spoke yet!) And Louis had to inhale deeply and pretend like he didn’t have his fucking scarf in his wardrobe at home. Instead, he flashed a shaky, warm smile.

 

“He’s beautiful all around,” Louis murmured in response.

 

“Not everyone gets to see that, but you do. And that is what is important.” And, fuck. Louis really was shaking at this point, but Henry just laughed, waving him off to go on. With that, the two parted ways.

 

Louis found Nick standing at the exit waiting for him. He had a rather silly grin on his face. “I’m pretty sure you all my friends like and care about you more than me.”

 

A classic eye roll at that.  _ If only Nick really knew.  _ “C’mon, you promised me a walk.”

 

That they did. They walked hand in hand towards the walkway where is overlooked the small harbor. The chilling temperature of the night had them huddled side by side for extra warmth. It was rather satisfying, staring out into the darkness of the water before them, the soft glow of lights from the town behind them. Nick’s hand on his lower back is what kept Louis’s mind there, not floating into some sort of moonlit fairytale reverie.

 

“Lou,” Nick began, his voice coated in something unfamiliar to Louis. “I don’t know if what I’m about to ask is going to be dumb or not.”

 

Louis angled his body, so he was facing Nick better. “No question is a dumb question.”

 

Nick let out a breathy chuckle at that, but then the seriousness returned to his face. “It’s just- I know how things have been. I quite like you Louis Tomlinson. I knew from the beginning that I would, but I never suspected this much. It’s just that this time feels so different to me. I feel like I want to do everything proper, you know? I want things to work. I don’t want to assume just along the way, and I want to, like, do it the right way, I think?”

 

Louis’s heart was hammering in his chest.  _ What the fuck was Nick on about?  _ His mind was going a mile a minute. What if Nick liked him, but didn’t think the long distance shit would work, and this was it? What if he needed to get out of this before it got messy and complicated because Louis had never had someone before? What if-

 

“Will you, like, properly be my boyfriend?”  _ Shit.  _ Louis was shaking at that, shock appearing on his face, but the fear stripping itself from his skin and blood. Louis was just frozen there in his place in Nick’s arms. Fuck!  _ Nick.  _ He needed to say something.

 

“You fuck head actually had me terrified for a moment,” Louis chastised, resting his head against Nicks’s chest. Security and peace washed over his body. His voice went softer after that. 

 

“Yes, I would like to be your boyfriend.”

 

-

 

“Will you, like, properly be my boyfriend?” There was so no going back now. Nick kind of felt nauseous. Truly. He might have to detach himself from Louis and vomit into the harbor. And  _ that  _ would not be fucking romantic by any means whatsoever. But here Louis was not saying a single word, and the idea just became more and more promising.

 

“You fuck head actually had me terrified for a moment.” Of course that was the first thing to leave Louis’ mouth. But next thing Nick knew, Louis’ head was on his chest, comforting and  _ so nice.  _ “Yes, I would like to be your boyfriend.”

 

Nick really didn’t know if he should throw up, scream, or cry. This was quite possibly unreal. Louis Tomlinson, the epitome of pretty, was here in his arms saying yes to being his  _ boyfriend.  _ Proper boyfriend! Not a  _ boy friend that he shags for fun.  _ His heart was beating like crazy, and he was sure that Louis could tell.

 

Instead of being the  _ fuck head  _ as Louis so generously put it, he lifted Louis’ head up, so he could press his lips right onto his, almost like a seal to it all. And as if everything wasn’t already cliche enough, cheers came from the restaurants and streets in the town behind them, signaling the start of the new year. Really, Nick couldn’t help but smile against Louis’ mouth, but everything was okay because Louis was smiling just the same.

 

“Like i said, I knew I would be right when I said I quite liked you the first time I met you,” Nick murmured which earned a laugh from Louis, moving to put his head back against Nick’s chest. The two of them went back to looking out over the harbor into the darkness of undulating water

 

Maybe if Nick had done it right the first time, things could have happened sooner. Maybe if he explained everything right, and been decent things would have been smoother. But then he looks back on it, and decides differently. What happened, flaws and all, he wouldn’t have done it any other way. If it hadn’t happened this way, he wouldn’t have Louis in France with him right now. He wouldn’t have him right here in his arms in the cold of the new year as his  _ fucking boyfriend.  _ It was perfect enough for him, and hopefully for Louis as well.

 

“Well, it was more like the third time that you met me when you said that.” And Nick really couldn’t hold back the laughter, and it was okay because neither could Louis. 

 

So they kissed again. They moved together slowly, taking in every moment and breath and sound. They kissed until their fingers were numb and their mouths swollen. After they parted, they took one last look out towards the deep darkness before them. It almost was like a blank slate for the start of something new. The start of a new year. The start of a relationship. The start of things being alright. 

 

Their hands found each other once again. Nick itched to brush his numb fingers over the rope on Louis’ wrist, the memory of Big Four of Louisville flashing in his mind. Louis smiled up at him as he did so, twining their fingers together afterwards.

 

Together, hand in hand, they turned back towards the town.

 

Together, they started something new.

 

-

 

Louis couldn’t breathe. The entire world felt like it was closing in on him. His palms were sweaty. His whole body was shaking as he sat in a stall of a fucking McDonald’s restroom. He was angry with himself for being foolish enough to think that he would never see  _ him  _ again. Now was not the time and place for him to have this happen, but of course, it did.

 

It was a shot in the dark to call Nick right now. Either he was just getting ready for bed or already asleep. Louis really hoped that it was the former. He  _ needed  _ to hear Nick’s voice. Then, he paused, his breath hitching. Nick didn’t know though. He didn’t know the situation. Louis would have to explain himself, he would. There was no loophole or lying about it now. He  _ needed  _ to tell Nick.

 

So when Nick actually picked up after the third ring, Louis burst out crying, half from fear and half from relief.

 

“Fuck, Louis? What’s going on?” Nick sounded alarmed, rightfully so. Louis could barely breathe. The air around him was hot and sticky. The walls felt like they were tightening.

 

“I-I just,” Louis stammered. Because  _ fuck.  _ This was going to be harder than he thought it was. He took a deep breath, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. “I just needed to hear y-your voice.”

 

“Lou, you’ve got to tell me what’s going on. You’ve got me a minute away from booking a flight to see you.” Louis whimpered at that. He didn’t need Nick to be concerned. Maybe now wasn’t a good time to say it… But he didn’t have a choice, and he would much rather not see Nick’s face when he told him anyway.

 

“Let me just s-speak? No interruptions, promise?” Louis was practically begging.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I promise, darling. Talk to me.” Shit. Louis really did not need Nick throwing in pet names right now. It just made him want to cry more because it was so  _ sweet  _ and made him miss Nick even more than he already did.

 

Deep breath. “When I was seventeen, I was sexually assaulted.”

 

Silence. In that instant, Louis really regretted telling Nick not to talk. He didn’t know if the silence was from the command or possible shock and disgrace. He had to brush it off though. He really did.

 

“He was… nice at first? Then he made me do things-” Louis choked back another sob because this was so fucking embarrassing. He was so mad at himself still. No matter how many times his mother told him that it wasn’t his fault, he still silently screamed at himself for everything.

 

“He became so fucking homophobic after that. It hurt. Everything fucking hurt, Nick. And I- Shit. I’m sorry I’m just throwing this on you. It didn’t matter when we first met, and I didn’t need to overshare my fucking life story. I’m so sor-”

 

“No, fuck,” Nick cut in quickly. “I know I promised I wouldn’t budge in, but you have nothing to be sorry for, Lou. Absolutely nothing. You don’t need to owe me an explanation for not telling me. You don’t-”

 

“Yes, I d-” Louis tried taking the conversation back. He was  _ so sorry.  _ He didn’t care that Nick believed he didn’t have to say it, but Louis needed to say. He needed to feel some sort of comfort or release from this.

 

“No, listen to me.” Nick was adamant. “If saying it gives you something to hold onto, I get it, but I need you to know, from me, that you don’t owe me any form of apology or explanation, darling. Okay?”

 

Louis paused and nodded. “I- Yes.”

 

“Now I need you to tell me why you are thinking about this right now. What happened, Louis?” That alone made Louis feel like he shrunk to the size of a pea. His heart rate picked back up and his knee was bouncing up and down.

 

“I saw him,” Louis whispered, fear evident in his voice. “I haven’t seen him in six years, and now he’s just here.”

 

There was a brief pause before Nick said something. “Is that all? I feel like there is more.”

 

That was all it took to make Louis start crying again. In a very serious sense, it felt like there was a weight pushing down on his chest. He could still feel the burn all over his skin which made him itch all over, a wave of nausea rolling through. “Nick- He touched me. He grabbed my wrist when I didn’t listen to his calls, and he touched my butt, okay? I can’t get the feeling off of me. It’s just fucking lingering, and it hurts. I want it to stop. I can’t get it to stop. He started throwing slurs- Shit, fuck- I just lost it, okay? This is why I was so scared for the longest time. This is why I couldn’t be my goddamn self in this place.”

 

Everything was so quiet after that. Tears were still rolling down Louis’ cheeks. He just wanted to go back to his apartment, have Nick somehow be right there, and just hold him. 

 

“Louis, I want you to take a deep breath right now. In for four, out for seven, yeah?” Louis obeyed, giving everything he had to keep his focus solely on Nick’s voice.

 

“Good. Now think about the sunset. Like the one from the night at the drive-in. Think of how beautiful it was. Think of how soothing it was. It was so peaceful then. Bring that peace to you, yeah?” Louis listened. He listened so carefully that everything else around him buzzed when Nick no longer was speaking.

 

And just like that, the burning on his skin was gone. He was so absorbed in  _ Nick! Nick! Nick!  _ that everything else just seemed to fade into the background. Everything became so unimportant which made Louis want to scream with joy. He just wanted to kiss Nick and thank him for existing. With an ease in his chest, he was able to speak again.

 

“I miss you.” Louis’ voice cracked.

 

“I miss you, too.” His tone was so reassuring. It alone made everything seem alright just for the time being.

 

“Soon?” He had to be hopeful.

 

“Soon.”

 

And that was all Louis really needed.

 

-

 

That night was quite shit for Nick. He tossed and turned, unable to get just comfortable enough. No amount of tea or blankets or  _ anything  _ seemed to soothe the neverending gnawing in the pit of his stomach from conversation he had with Louis earlier. It was too much. If it hurt Nick this bad, he couldn’t possibly imagine the sheer terror and pain that Louis was living with right now.

 

Three in the morning found himself curled on the couch with Pig and Stinky sleeping at his feet. Their presence brought some comfort to his restlessness, but it unfortunately did not bring sleep. Everything felt cold, drab, and pointless without Louis’ chatter or inviting smile. If only things could be-

 

And as if a lightbulb clicked on, Nick quite literally jumped from the couch causing the dogs to go into a frenzy. He  _ really  _ should have thought of this one sooner. It would just take a phone call here, a click of the mouse here, and another click of the mouse there. Nick shook his head, smiling at the mere thought. Now this would be a good one. A really, really good one. Quite possibly the best idea that he has had since the night on the harbor in Saint-Malo. Like it was just that brilliant. Okay, it wasn’t particularly genius, but it was definitely stellar.

 

Oh,  _ yes. _

 

-

 

One thing Louis was going to miss about Indiana was his favorite coffee shop. Specifically the one that he worked at through high school and the first three years of college. The atmosphere was calming, he knew every one, customer and barista alike, and everyone working there knew how to make a mean Old Fashioned, and not the alcoholic beverage most people think of. Not to mention the iced black mango tea… Really, he should stop thinking about leaving the place behind.

 

The shop had two table aside both the sets of windows surrounding the place. Two more tables sat adjacent to a set of window tables with a long row table behind that. On the opposing side, one of the places where Louis was sitting now, was a built in bench that had four table lined up along it, chairs on the opposite side of the table. The back corner consisted of a mustard yellow couch, two soft denim blue chairs, and four black leather cushions. The best part of all, of course, was the large coffee bar in the opposite corner to the couch.

 

It had been a few years since Louis had the chance to properly work behind the bar, but everyone there always welcomed him back with a smile. Even the owner never missed the chance to give him one of his classic high fives. Just thinking back to those times made a small sigh pass Louis’ lips.

 

Today was a quiet, slow day which was rather rare for this said establishment. However, Louis relished in the peace, taking this time to start re-reading a classic dystopian favorite, and quite possibly his favorite of all time,  _ A Clockwork Orange.  _ Ever since senior year, the novel had always had a special place in his heart. Maybe it was the meaning. Maybe it was the genuine, authentic script. He wasn’t sure, but it stayed.

 

An unfortunate thing about today was the fact that time was moving rather slow. Really, it wasn’t, but Louis couldn’t help but be invested in watching the clock every now and again. But he couldn’t help the wandering eye. Liam was meeting up with him today after just getting in yesterday. Louis had been ecstatic when he found out Liam would be home the week before and during his graduation. He  _ might  _ have cried just a tiny bit, but no one truly needed to know that part.

 

Louis was so deeply invested in the novel once more that he didn’t realize someone had entered until they placed themself in the chair in front of Louis. He jumped just a bit, looking up to see Liam, smiling bright at him.

 

“Hey, Lou. Sorry I’m late. Hope it’s okay that I brought my friend Nick with me.” That’s quite funny. Liam had never mentioned that he had a friend named Nick. Louis didn’t necessarily remember a Nick from school, but maybe he was- Louis had to place a hand over his mouth when he saw who Liam was motioning to over by the door.

 

What the actual hell. Nick,  _ Louis’ Nick _ , was standing right there in the front of Louis’ favorite shop on earth. He wasn’t supposed to come for another week. He was only going to make it in time for the ceremony. Louis’ mind was running a mile a minute.

 

“Surprise?” Oh. Nick was right there on the bench beside him. When had he gotten so close? When had he even moved away from his spot by the door. He looked back and forth between Liam and Nick. Both of them had shit-eating grins on their faces, and Louis still had a look of complete shock.

 

“I- Liam? Wait, Nick- What the hell?” This surely couldn’t be happening right now. It was just supposed to be Liam, right? He must be seeing things. This must be a dream. Nick couldn’t really be back in the states yet.

 

“Got a call from Nick asking if I could help him out. Had to pick him up from the airport. So, surprise!” Liam let out a bit of a chuckle, leaning forward onto the table. Louis turned his gaze to Nick.

 

“Missed you a little too much after the, uh, phone call, and I just wanted to come see you. I promised soon, and I think I delivered.” Louis’s initial shock dissipated. He lunged forward, wrapping Nick in a quick, tight hug before standing to quite literally tackle Liam with hug.

 

“Payno, you are the greatest. Have I told you lately?” Louis was fucking beaming. Surely this had to be one of the greatest days ever. “Also, I seriously missed you. It’s been way too long since we’ve had a chance to properly hang out.”

 

“Don’t believe you have, but it’s good to hear.” Liam laughed, hugging Louis tightly. “We should have plenty of time while I’m back here.”

 

“Promise I won’t intrude. Tell me when you guys want to do something, and I will busy myself,” Nick jumped in. Of course, it was awarded a Louis eye roll.

 

“I’m going to be living with him for three months, I think it’s all going to work out no matter what.” Louis grinned moving back to the bench next to Nick. As if on instinct (which, let’s be real, it was instinct at this point) he curled up to Nick’s side. That got a hesitant kiss pressed to Louis’ temple from Nick.

 

The three of them spent the next couple hours going on and on about what had been going on in the others life. Liam snorted ridiculously when Louis properly told him about how he ran into Nick. That was followed by Liam telling Nick about the stupidly massive infatuation Louis had with him during his second year of college. It really was quite bad, and it had Louis red in the face, a pout on his lips while the other two laughed.

 

Louis did have to admit that it was so nice to see his best friend and  _ boyfriend  _ (he still couldn’t get over that) getting along so well. Truthfully, he had never really came out to Liam, but neither had Liam. Louis had just presumed how things were since he had dated a couple girls, but that was all wrong when Louis caught Liam with his tongue shoved down some guys throat in his car. They never spoke about it. There was no need to. They were still the same people as before. Louis always figured that was why they were destined to be best friends as long as they have been. That meant he didn’t even bat an eye when Liam mentioned that he was seeing some guy called Zayn back in London. The smile on his face was enough to tell Louis that this was it.

 

It was also nice to see Nick meshing so well with his favorite place. It had taken many years for Louis to take a liking to a certain place in his home town, but after many days spent studying for tests here and fucking about with Liam, the coffee shop became his place. Now, Nick was here and he just fit. It was rather uncanny, but it brought a smile to Louis’ face which in turn brought a smile to Nick’s. Louis just kept himself pressed close to his side, appreciating the feel of his skin and Nick’s smell surrounding him.

 

When Liam announced that he needed to head out to go and have dinner with his family, that signalled as the time for all of them to head out. After taking Nick’s bags from Liam’s (his mom’s) car and moving them to Louis’, they said their goodbyes, promising to plan something in the upcoming couple of days. Louis was still unable to wipe the smile from his face.

 

“I still can’t believe that you are actually here.” Louis admitted when him and Nick were settled in his car. Really, this was the last thing Louis expected to happen today.

 

“I was too worried after I talked to you that day. I had to get here as soon as I could.” That shouldn’t make Louis’ heart flutter like it did, but there it went. Louis reached across the console and took Nick’s hand in his giving it a small squeeze.

 

“Everything is good. I cannot thank you enough, really.” It was true, though. Nick had talked him through it and sent him little things everyday after that to keep his mind distracted and focused on anything besides what had happened.

 

“Only for you, darling.” Nick grinned, lifting Louis’ hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles. That caused a shiver to run down Louis’ spine. Just the simple contact had him feeling like goo in his seat which was not a good thing considering he needed to be able to actually drive. He didn’t need to feel like his skin was on fire the entire drive back to his apartment.

 

“Fucking sap,” Louis muttered, but didn’t let the amusement go unnoticed. For once it was Nick that rolled his eyes which earned a giggle from Louis. Really, he couldn’t be bothered to care if that’s what left his mouth from now on.

 

Truly, Louis had noticed a serious difference in his character ever since Nick became a rather significant part of his life. His confidence had blossomed into something totally new. He felt lighter, almost as if he was dealt a hand of freedom. In a sense, he was dealt freedom when he opened up to Nick about who he was and proceeded to finally let his world in on that as well. This definitely was one of the biggest things he had accomplished. 

 

He glanced over at Nick and smiled. It was a proper, genuine smile that seemed only one person could get out of him. Maybe it was because he was gorgeous. Maybe it was how he made Louis feel everyday. Or maybe it was just a combination of every little thing that Louis experienced with Nick. Whatever it was, he wanted to hold onto exactly that as long as he was allowed. 

 

Things had changed for the better, and this was just the beginning of it.

 

For Nick, he would be forever grateful.

 

-

 

Nick was giving it his all not to be disgusted with whatever concoction that was currently in front of Louis. When he had agreed to go out to some local shops that day, he had not expected to get this in return. But here he was, eyeing Louis rather skeptically. Under no circumstance whatsoever should  _ that  _ taste good.

 

Okay, it had been Louis to suggest getting frozen yogurt. So maybe he did know what he was talking about, but still. There was no way a bowl of blackberry yogurt topped with blueberry boba, tiny sugar cookies, jelly frogs, Reese’s, and marshmallow sauce tasted good. He just stared down at his plain raspberry (dairy free, thank you very much) bowl then back up at Louis who was now digging into… whatever it was.

 

“Lou, are you sure that’s actually any good?” Louis looked as if Nick had lit his own hair on fire. 

 

“Excuse me,  _ Grimmy.  _ It’s amazing.” No matter how much he wanted to believe that, he just couldn’t. Instead, he dug into his own small bowl trying his damnedest to ignore the bowl opposite of him.

 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, darling.” Which, by the laws of nature  _ really,  _ Louis rolled his eyes, poking Nick’s shin with the toe of his shoe underneath the table.

 

It was all banter and stolen smiles from then on. Every bite Louis took resulted in a look of disgust from Nick. Louis would just roll his eyes in return and comment over how bland Nick’s choice was anytime he took a bite. However, it wasn’t until they both stood to dispose of their trash when quite possibly one of the craziest questions had been asked.

 

Nick choked back a laugh. Judging by the expression on Louis’ face he had just done the same. He focused on the couple in his periphery as he threw their cups away, and it was a terrible task at trying to not make a noise, the employee stumbling to try and explain (no luck there).

 

“Please tell me you heard that as well.” Louis was quiet, but amusement was bursting right at the seams. Nick had to slap a hand over his own hand, the other pushing open the door.

 

The door closed, and they erupted in laughter. Surely they had heard wrong. 

 

“Nick, oh my god.” Louis tugged at his hand until they were around the corner of the shop, small giggles still falling from his lips.

“Were they serious that they didn’t know the difference between hot fudge and hot caramel?” Nick had managed to control his fit of laughter, finally toughing it out so he could seriously ask.

 

“Honestly?” Louis raised a brow, leading him down the sidewalk. “I wouldn’t be shocked if they were being serious. I have met some of the most insane people in my life just in this area alone, let me tell you.”

 

Nick reached out to thumb over the rope tattoo on Louis’ wrist. It had become something almost instinctive of him to do whenever they walked next to each other. He made an entire ordeal about walking on the  _ correct  _ side just so he could reach out for it. “Just wait until you are in London for as long as you are. You will find some interesting people there as well.”

 

Louis smiled up at Nick. And fuck. Even now his simple smile sent Nick into a tizzy. Hopefully one day he would be able to control himself a bit better in Louis’ presence, but it seemed so unlikely that that would fall true. Then when Louis reached out for Nick’s hand, the familiar warmth brought him back from his reverie. Next thing he knew, he was being pulled down a wide alleyway.

 

“I want you to take some cute photos of me. After all the years of living here, I still have never gotten my picture in front of the astronaut cat mural.” Louis giggled, handing his phone over to Nick.

 

“Pardon, a wh-.” He stopped when he looked up at the brick in front of his, Louis ushering to the sight before them.

 

“The astronaut cat mural. I want a cute picture. Will you?” Louis looked up at him with those godforsaken eyes. The bluest of blue. The ocean eyes. The same ones that Nick first saw just around this time last year. The ones that wholeheartedly did him in from the get go. And who was to say no to such prettiness? Especially when he bat his lashes softly, silently begging a pretty please.

 

“Of course I will. Anything for you.” Because, really, Nick would do anything for the man in front of him. He couldn’t help but smile when Louis made himself look all cute and silly posing in front of the mural.

 

It wasn’t until the last few shots when Louis morphed into something so soft, so lovely, it had Nick resisting the urge to pocket the phone, grab him, and kiss him sweetly. He was unnaturally beautiful and delicate. Somehow this had become the man that Nick got to call his and hold and get to remind him just how gorgeous he is. The thought alone made his heart swell with joy and even more so when he made eye contact with Louis.

 

Louis fucking giggled and stepped toward Nick. “Any good ones?”

 

As if Louis had any right to ask if they looked good. Of course every single photo of him would be beautiful. Honestly, he could be captured on the toilet mid poo and he would still look stunning. Okay, maybe that was too much to start thinking about, but Nick had to admit to himself that it would be very true.

 

“Of course there are good ones. Every single one of them turned out perfect, darling.” Louis took his phone back, shoving it into his back pocket with a roll of his eyes. His arms came up to circle around Nick’s neck.

 

“Nice way to hype of your photography skills, Grimmy.” Louis grinned, thumb brushing over the tendon on Nick’s neck. Nick placed his hands firmly on Louis’ hips, giving him an eye roll in return.

 

“Terrible photography skills, Lou. You are so ridiculously pretty that you photograph easily.” That got a blush out of Louis and a chuckle from Nick right back.

 

With Louis’ head on his chest, they stood there for some time just holding each other. The breeze was gentle around them, the sky darkening above them. Serenity was something that Nick relished in now of days. He was starting to find moments like this more enjoyable than a night out for drinks with his friends. Although that frightened him, he still accepted it because it was all because of Louis. He didn’t think he would be able to find that person who could change him for the better, but here he was, holding that man against him.

 

He looked up at the mural in front of him. It had been Louis that helped him look further into the meaning of a piece of art. Granted, this one was probably just for a nice laugh, it still meant something more to Nick. It was like something so delicate and pure escaping this world and finding a new one. A time to be free almost. The idea of having two representing that they wouldn’t be on the journey alone made Nick think. Maybe a bit more (actually, a hell of a lot more than a silly cat mural should make you want to think) than someone else might.

 

But the thought of escaping the world he once lived in to one with Louis by his side made his own cheeks flush and hands tremor. Again, he didn’t want the fear to perpetrate. Somehow, he knew that wouldn’t be happening though.

 

Somehow he would escape with luck. All the luck he needed.

  
  
  
  


Today was beautiful. Probably one of the nicest days Nick had experienced in his minimal amount of time in the area. Without any pretense or explanation, Louis dragged Nick out of the apartment, bright eyed and bushy tailed, claiming that he had a plan for the day. Nick might not have had much time to recover from the earth shaking blow job he had been given a mere ten minutes beforehand, but of course he gave in. Who wouldn’t give in to Louis?

 

Unsure of where they were going, Nick asked questions continuously throughout the ride especially when they got to open fields and a vast area of nothingness. Because where the fuck could Louis possibly be taking them? With multiple shakes of the head and many laughs and much reassurance that they would be there soon, pulled up into a parking lot which didn’t give much away other than the fact that they were somewhere.

 

So when Louis hauled Nick towards a tractor with a wooden trailer with hay, Louis had to promise him that he wasn’t doing anything crazy. He just wanted to take advantage of the beautiful day since he apparently hadn’t done whatever  _ this  _ was in a while. And Nick just went along with it.

 

Then there they were, parked outside row upon row of peach trees, a giddy Louis by his side, two baskets already in his hands. Louis chuckled at Nick’s dumbstruck expression, dragging him along to the trees. 

 

“Just remember to pick the nicest ones because I will be using them. I didn’t bring you here to waste any time dilly-dallying around.” Nick quirked a brow before stepping up behind Louis, placing a hand on the curve of his bum.

 

“Found the best one of them all.” His voice was a whisper, meant for only Louis to hear. But Louis jumped at that, turning to face Nick, an incredulous look on his face.

 

“Nicholas, there are  _ kids  _ here. Children!” Even after the rather loud exclamation, Nick could see the amusement lingering in Louis’ eyes. He flashed him a knowing smirk, picking up his own basket before busying himself in the trees.

 

“We are here for nice, edible peaches you imbecile.” Louis grinned, plucking one of the fruits he found the best in quality.

 

“Some people would beg to differ that these are the only edible peaches, Louis Tomlinson. You didn’t seem to think that this morning now, did you?” That got Louis to flush something beautiful. And Nick fucking  _ cackled.  _

 

“I don’t think it’s in the children’s best interest that you make me want to suck your dick right here,” Louis mused, thumbing over a few more of the peaches on the tree before moving over to the next one.

 

“Already took care of that this morning, yeah?” Really, Nick didn’t think Louis could turn any more red, but he did. And Nick was positively living for this.

 

“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t get on my knees for you again now does it?” Nick received a sly grin on top of that. Okay, Nick really shouldn’t have the need to adjust himself, but with what Louis was getting at, it was a little hard to keep it appropriate for all the small children traipsing around clumsily.

 

“What if I made as  _ Call Me By Your Name  _ reference right now?” Nick offered, at least attempting to find a peach. Like a proper one. Maybe one that curved just like Louis’ did.

 

“And what would you say if I said that I have never seen it before?” Now, that felt like a serious personal attack. Was Nick really dating a man that hadn’t seen it before? This was sorcery. Truly, this had to be a lie. “But I do have a very nice story about a cantaloupe.”

 

And that most definitely peaked Nick’s interest. “Louis, hun, please do tell. But please assure me you aren’t part of this because I don’t know how I would be able to handle you telling me something like that in a place where I can’t bend you over.”

 

“Pardon me, Grimmy. I did no such thing.” So of course he was rewarded with a playful slap to the arm. “So I used to work at a grocery store in high school before the coffee shop. There was this guy a year above me that came in and bought a cantaloupe. Okay, cool, right? It was summer and he was probably having some kind of cookout or something.”

 

“Lou, I’m not sure if I like where this is going.” No, Nick was more than fine with it. And it was obvious. He placed a peach, finally, into his basket, thumbing over the smooth curve of the fruit. Just after, his hand found its way to Louis’ bum, standing next to him casually as if nothing was going wrong. Louis’ voice lowered as he continued on with the story.

 

“Let me just say that I was very wrong. Next thing you know, I see a video of him later that night fucking the poor cantaloupe in front a group of other boys for shits and giggles all because they couldn’t get the real deal themselves.” Louis snorted and so did Nick. 

 

“Terrible for the guy though. He is missing out on the real thing.” Of course this was the perfect opportunity for Nick to pinch Louis’ bum. Come on, it was so touchable and the tightness of his pants did not help Nick’s desires whatsoever. The simple action had Louis frozen in place, his cheeks a gorgeous pink color.

 

“Nick, babe, I think we should head out now.” Louis shifted from foot to foot. Really, Nick couldn’t help but smirk at that. Not even ten minutes ago, Louis was the one telling him to fill his basket and now he was practically gagging to get out of the place.

 

“But I’ve only got one in my basket so far. You seem to have a lot. I want to equally contribute here.” Nick just turned over his shoulder, focusing his attention on the peaches scattered in the trees. It was a little game that he wanted to play very much so. And he didn’t miss when a small whine came from behind him.

 

“Fuck equal contribution. I want to suck your dick,” Louis leaned in and whispered into Nick’s ear which sent a shiver down his spin, his knees already feeling a bit like jello. Maybe it was his aging joints, but really, it was just Louis being the little minx he was.

 

It didn’t take much decision, if any that is, after for the two of them to head up to the front to pay for the fruit. Nick gave it his all, he really did, to not snicker each time Louis fumbled over his words in front of the cashier or dropped the change, just shaking his head and thanking the cashier profusely. Despite Louis being utterly flustered with Nick’s hands being on his bum, it was still fine.

 

Nick was lucky to make it back to the car in one piece, truthfully. Louis could have torn him a new one, but he remained polite, albeit very flushed. So it wasn’t much to Nick’s surprise when Louis teased him all the way back to Louis’ apartment, his own pants very noticeably tented.

 

Okay, but it did become very much a surprise when Louis pulled away from kissing Nick (which he had to whine about because all he wanted to do was touch Louis) to grab something from the bedside table. And when Louis put the said object, which just so happened to be a cock ring (he  _ had  _ to get him back for that later), on Nick he chuckled before settling back against the headboard.

 

From then on it was a complete show for Nick: Louis playing with himself, opening himself up, occasionally brushing his finger over Nick’s dick until it was just too much, and Nick had to beg for some sort of attention. Louis happily obliged, sinking to his knees for Nick.

 

One rather quick and messy blow job later, they curled up on the sofa to share one of the peaches from the farm earlier on.

 

So domestic, completely blissed out, and very much at home.

 

-

 

Ever since Louis could start driving, sitting in the twenty-four hour store parking lot at midnight became a thing. Not alone of course, Liam was always there by his side no matter what. A snack shopping spree and a perfect playlist later, they would be stowed away in the back corner just chatting away about anything that came to them.

 

Unfortunately, when Liam left for London and Louis started training more, their antics stopped. Now that Liam was back in town one last time before Louis picked everything up and moved as well, tonight would be one last hoorah and goodbye to their favorite spot.

 

It wasn’t until the clock hit midnight precisely when Liam brought up a topic that desperately needed to be talked about. Every best friend needed to get the details on the person their best friend was seeing.

 

“So, Grimmy? Who would have thought you would be dating Nick Grimshaw.” Liam laughed, kicking his feet up onto the dashboard. Louis rolled his eyes. A classic, honestly.

 

“Definitely not me, Li. I don’t think anyone on the face of the earth would have ever even thought he would date someone that’s not a fucking model or some shit like that.” Louis shifted in his seat, suddenly overwhelmed with the thought of that. He was  _ not  _ a model. Louis knew not to let his head spin with ulterior motives or pretty boys, but it still was such a hard concept to grasp. As if Liam knew, he jumped in.

 

“Lou, you are attractive and if you think differently, you are very much wrong. You are super fit from all the training over the years. Hell, if I didn’t know you like I do, I would be trying my damndest to sweep you off your feet. But you know that we would never work like that. You also know that Grimmy very much likes you. I can see it. He finds you so fucking pretty. So get your head out of your ass and realize that you are good enough for him.” Liam inhaled, giving Louis’ bicep a playful punch. “And I wouldn’t work with you because I really like the guy back in London.”

 

Louis fucking smirked at that, relishing in the moment to tease Liam. “Zayn, was it? My teddy bear Liam getting the chance to properly tie someone down?”

 

“Hey, this is about you and Nick.” Liam pouted as Louis threw his head back in laughter. Even after all these years it was still so thrilling to get under Liam’s skin about being a proper gentleman that would get married before anyone else that he knew. 

 

“Oh come on. You started it. And you know that I like teasing you. Haven’t been able to do it properly in ages. So be prepared come summer, my dear Liam.” Louis giggled, angling the air vent to blow less directly on him. The constant beating of sixty-eight degrees on skin was never the most pleasant of feelings even on the hottest days.

 

“Okay, fine.” Liam huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “His name is Zayn. Met him at the museum. He was an art student. Working in archives now, same building as me, yeah? But like…” Liam trailed off and Louis could  _ feel  _ the skepticism radiating off his body. It was his turn to punch Liam in the arm.

 

“Ah, come on. Tell me more. You listened to me yap about Nick all the time before everything happened. Just know that he treats me well, and I’m happy. Go ahead, I’m curious. Workplace romance seems disgustingly cute.”

 

Liam rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay. It just looks like he belongs on the cover of fucking  _ Vogue  _ and I somehow had the pleasure of him sucking my dick, so I don’t know what I did in life to deserve something so amazing.”

 

Louis straight up cackled, head slamming back against the headrest. “Liam Payne, you are fucking hot, and I cannot believe you have the audacity to think that you of all people don’t deserve something so amazing in your life. Truly, you deserve millions of blow jobs from beautiful people. You deserve even more than that. You are genuinely one of the most brilliant, kind people I have ever met, so shut the fuck up and accept the fact that the stunning Zayn wanted to get his mouth on your fucking huge dick.” Louis paused to a flustered Liam who was getting ready to speak. “Before you say anything, we have known each other long enough for me to know that you are a very well endowed man, thank you very much.”

 

Of course Liam was the color of a tomato after that, but it got him to shut up which felt like a win to Louis. But the color of Liam’s face also made him think that’s how he himself looked anytime Nick said something lovely. And that was a lot. Probably most of the time, Louis was pink in the face from Nick’s words alone.

 

After a moment of Liam regaining his composure, they agreed that it was best to head back to their places. Especially since Nick was alone in Louis’ bed and Louis was desperate for a cuddle, but he would never tell Liam that. He didn’t need Liam knowing he was  _ that  _ soft just yet.

 

It took a solid forty-five minutes before Louis was able to crawl into bed next to Nick who immediately pulled Louis flush against him. Much to Louis’ delight, Nick was very much naked underneath the covers. He wiggled his butt over Nick’s crotch, absorbing all the warmth radiating off the body next to him.

 

“Stop being a little tease,” Nick murmured into his ear, a chill running down Louis’ spin from the sleepiness in his voice. Louis glanced over his shoulder. Even in the darkness, he could tell that Nick’s eyes were closed, but there was a grin hidden on his lips.

 

“I’ll give you something nice in the morning if you let me sleep now and I promise not to tease you anymore.” Truly, Louis was exhausted at this point and just wanted a cuddle from Nick at this point.

 

“Yes, darling. Rest up.” Nick brushed the pad of his thumb over the small swell of Louis’ tummy that he despised so very much no matter how many times Nick said he loved it or would kiss it and nip at it.

 

That’s all he had to say before his eyes fluttered shut, sleep washing the day away, preparing him for the most glorious day before him.

 

-

 

While Louis had an easy time falling asleep after going out with Liam, Nick struggled to fall back asleep. Which, let’s be real, was quite a pain in the arse. But what was most frustrating was the reason why he couldn’t sleep. One simple thought kept nagging at his brain. No matter what distraction he gave himself, those words kept appearing in his mind.

 

Nick didn’t want to panic over the thought, but it was possible that he was already panicking because this was normal. It was a customary thing for him to start getting these thoughts. Honestly, he doesn’t believe that he has ever had to try and process these thoughts before. Hell, he doesn’t think these thoughts have once crossed his mind in all his years on this earth. Maybe that is why it was so frightening. The feeling was so foreign, but it wasn’t unsatisfying. It was actually rather pleasant which meant this  _ had to be it.  _ No other person evoked these emotions or thoughts before, yet here was was giving himself an aneurysm over it.

 

This wasn’t the first time he had felt this way, but right in this moment, the pressure was so strong, so deep. He carefully maneuvered himself into sitting position. Louis looked so  _ fucking tiny  _ curled up under the heavy duvet. He looked exquisite, face pressed against the pillow, hair a mess, and all the rest.  _ Pulchritudinous.  _ That’s the word that described Louis. More commonly used in fictional literature. But it worked because Louis was unreal. Positively unreal. Every bit of him was pretty that Nick’s chest ached with want.

 

Truthfully, it had been a month since Nick had even thought about reaching for a cigarette, but now his fingers twitched for one, his mouth almost salivating at the thought. His lips trembled, a demanding, throbbing ache in his collarbones. But he crammed the thought of sweet nicotine to the back of his head and focused solely on Louis.

 

Just mere hours from now, Louis would be up on a stage. He would be graduated. He would be on his way to  _ London  _ before Nick could even think. Surely this was all too good to be true and something out of the ordinary would happen which would crush every tiny good thing that had been thrown Nick’s way over the past year. Despite the pleas from his friends back home saying that he deserved everything he was given and it would all work out, he still had trouble believing it. He spent years barely having a grasp on what to do with his life aside from Radio 1, cuddling his dogs, and getting wine drunk with his friends most nights. He just needed more time to adjust, that’s what he kept telling himself.

 

A sudden fear burst right in the center of Nick’s chest. Because  _ no.  _ That just wouldn’t do. What if when Louis came to London things… changed? What if he found someone from work? What it… What if… What if… It was never ending. Louis could have anyone because he was objectively pretty no matter how many times he whined that it was subjective. 

 

He shook his head, urging the thoughts of the future away because that was way too much for him too look into just yet. This… This was like a first time for him, and he felt oddly childish and bothered that he didn’t know how to wrap his head around the fact that he had a boyfriend. A  _ pretty boyfriend.  _

 

Instead, he opted to think about the first thought that tormented his head that night. Now, it wasn’t a completely foreign  _ concept,  _ but it was most definitely a foreign  _ feeling.  _ Every time it flashed before his eyes, a fizz or pop of something oh-so warm appeared in the pit of his stomach. Sometimes his neck would flush if he thought too hard about it.  _ Not  _ a good idea have that happen in front of friends. Especially his friends. The fuckers didn’t know how to keep their mouths shut. Despite him never openly saying anything, he was sure they were more than aware what was going on in his head.

 

Heat pooled in the pit of his stomach. Of course it did. He was thinking too much. Eyes closed, he leaned back against the headboard, letting out a restless sigh.  _ One year.  _ It had been one year since he put a name to Ocean Eyes, found a new meaning to existence, felt whole, found the-

 

As if it were sin, he opened his eyes an alarming rate, swallowing down each word that would follow. Each minute that passed, he longed to let every thought escape his head and weasel its way right into the center of Louis’ chest and stay. He silently hoped that the place was up for sale, so he could make the room his own, fill it with his thoughts. Maybe he would finally feel like he could breathe. Maybe he would feel a sudden sense of freedom.

 

For all he knew, this could be a rush or an attack of thoughts completely unnecessary and unwanted which fucking stung to think about. The desire to just spill ate and ate away at him internally, but now was not it. Deep down he knew he needed to wait for the reassurance from Louis that it was okay. He needed proof that his thoughts were valid, and it would be alright for him to feel such way.

 

One glance down at Louis and Nick smiled. So fucking wide it hurt. He looked so peaceful and calm. And Nick would do anything in the world to make sure he didn’t ruin that.

 

Suddenly, immense fatigue shot through Nick’s veins, proof that he had thought  _ too much.  _ He sunk back down next to Louis, careful not to wake him when he wrapped his arm securely around Louis’ waist. And with a newfound confidence, he whispered his thoughts to himself. Each syllable felt natural, felt right. With an inward smile, he relaxed against the man beside him, finally allowing sleep to wash over him.

 

-

 

Louis felt like crying. This honestly had been one of the best days of his life. Today, school properly ended. No more classes. No more teachers. He  _ graduated.  _ (Okay, yes, he  _ knew  _ he had his Bachelors, but this was his fucking  _ Masters. _ ) And just the icing on the cake is that Nick was here to experience the entire thing with him, and he really couldn’t possibly be more grateful.

 

After the ceremony and a rather spectacular dinner with his family, Liam, and Nick ( _ Nick! _ ). He wasn’t going to lie and say he didn’t cry when his mom gave Nick a massive hug without any pretense. Just that was enough reassurance to know he was liked, he was accepted, he was allowed to be part of the family. He most did cry when his mom started crying when she took a picture of him and Liam together. They had grown up together, and now they were moving on together. Moving on to insanely big things, having each other’s backs every step of the way.

 

There was an ache and need that continued to grow in his chest, though. The words tickled at his tongue, but he swallowed them down reluctantly. Not because he would regret saying them, but he was terrified of  _ how  _ to say them.

 

It was late in the night, the sun long gone, when Louis pulled up to his childhood park, Nick in the passenger seat. Everything was still the same. It was beautiful. It was full of Saturday  morning soccer practices and Sunday evening play dates on the swings and tennis courts and occasionally the basketball courts (but Louis hated basketball with a burning passion for various reasons. Okay, maybe it’s just because he was shorter than most.)

 

Now, him and Nick were lounging on the top level of the jungle gym, legs hanging over the edge of the platform. Nick’s hand was on his thigh while Louis fumbled to find the song he was looking for on his phone. He had an idea, he really did. He just wanted it to be able to work. He  _ needed  _ it to work.

 

It was rather possible that he had planned this out ever since the first night Nick was back in Louisville, but it would be mildly embarrassing to admit that  _ ever.  _ But what would be even more embarrassing would be for Nick to find out that he had planned on using this song for… Well, for as long as he had ever felt it. Ever since he knew, this is what he wanted to do. It just so happened, that this would be the perfect way  _ how  _ he would show him.

 

“Okay, this song is, like, amazing. You should totally play it one day. I don’t care if it isn’t on the charts or even in his top five songs, but it’s so fucking good, Nick.” Wow, Louis. Great one. You are real smooth.

 

Nick chuckled, giving Louis’ thigh a little squeeze. “Let me hear it then.”

 

And Louis did play it, biting back from singing along at any given point. He could hold a tune, but he really didn’t need Nick knowing that. Never. As the song played, Louis kept giving small glances to Nick hoping to be able to read the expression on his face. From what he could tell, he seemed to be pleased with what was going on. Before the song ended, Nick pressed the pause button after the bridge, letting out a laugh.

 

“More like ‘I’m known as a right-hand _ Louisville  _ slugger’.” Nick giggled. The look on his face was full of pain and embarrassment after that, so Louis tried (he truly did) to hold back the snort that threatened to leave his body. But all he could think about was the insanely large replica baseball bat standing outside of the factory and museum, not one of normal size, not even one of the mini ones.

 

“I think you have spent far too much time in Louisville. There is so much more to the song than that.” Louis mused, his heart beating rapidly.  _ Really, now or never.  _ “But I wouldn’t let anyone else touch me.”

 

“What do you…Oh.” Okay, that could have gone better. But it also could have gone immensely worse. The only sound was soft labored breaths and the bothersome breeze whistling through the bars of the jungle gym. Uneasiness and fear started bubbling in Louis’ stomach. He briefly thought about jumping down from the platform and just fucking running up the hill, away from Nick. 

 

“Never- I didn’t-.” Louis couldn’t hold back the quiver in his voice. But he just brushed it off as him being chilled from the wind.  “Nick, say something.”

 

It was still so unbearably quiet. The air was thick, Louis’ stomach still clenching in fear and mortification. Nick’s face was still unreadable which made Louis want to throw up in humiliation. The option of running up the hill kept becoming more and more of a brilliant idea each unsteady moment passed. But then,  _ oh.  _ A pair of warm lips were against his and a gentle hand was cupping his jaw firmly. It was reassuring. It was sweet. It was full of-

 

“I love you, too.” And Louis just wanted to cry in that moment. Everything seemed beyond surreal. Almost as surreal as the first time Nick fucking Grimshaw showed up in Louisville. Yet here they were, just over a year later, and the Nick Grimshaw was telling Louis that he loved him. It was almost  _ too much.  _ He buried his face in his hands, forcing the tears to stay put.

 

-

 

“Louis,” Nick murmured, his hand placed on the back of Louis’ neck as a form of comfortable. He tried to pry Louis’ hands away.  _ He couldn’t fucking believe it.  _ Here he was, finally able to empty his mind of his thoughts, pouring them sweet and slow like honey right into Louis’ open chest.  “I need you to know that I really mean this.”

 

Even though Nick was shaking very bad (this was big!), he had to make sure that Louis was alright. Even in this moment of him doing something so different from anything else in his life, he was most concerned about Louis. This moment now proved that it was sure he would put Louis before himself at any time in his life.

 

Louis sniffled, rubbing the back of his hand over his cheek before Nick could cup his hands around his jaw. “Louis, you know I never thought this would happen for me. But I mean that. If I say something as serious as that, I really do mean it. I don’t think you get how easy and natural it is for me when it comes to being with you. It’s something that I have never experienced with anyone else. I just need you to know that.”

 

Nick knew Louis could feel him trembling. Oddly enough, this moment reminded Nick too much of the first time they collided with each other. Louis’ eyes were so fucking blue. Nick wanted to physically swim through them. He wanted to feel that shade of blue course through his veins. All he wanted to do was soak it up and bask in the glory that was Louis Tomlinson’s eyes.

 

But this moment wasn’t about Louis’ eyes, even if Nick loved (loved!) them so very much. His heart stuttered when Louis’ lips curved up into a hesitant smile. Really, the sight before him right this moment was the most beautiful of all. This exact frame would be ingrained in his mind forever.

 

“I know, Nick.” Louis’ voice was so gentle, but his eyes were fierce, burning his words into Nick’s brain. “I need you to know it wasn’t easy for me either. I’ve told you countless times how hard it was growing up here, how hard it was to be myself. Now, I’m not scared. I feel… I feel so alive. I have finally done what is right for me, and I’m not worried what everyone around me might think. Because right here, right now, I have someone in front of me that will  _ always  _ remind me that I am bigger and stronger and  _ happier  _ than the rest of them. And that is what matters most to me.”

 

Okay, Nick  _ had  _ to let a tear fall at that one.  _ He was crying happy tears over a boy.  _ This was serious. Crazy serious. It almost seemed ludicrous that they were on the exact same page, same paragraph, same line, same fucking  _ word.  _ Louis really was able to take his breath away in the most utterly cliche way as possible.

 

“I love you, Louis Tomlinson.” It’s the only thing that seemed reasonable to say in that moment. And it’s viable to say that it’s all he could get out without choking up quite pathetically.

 

“I love you, Nicholas Grimshaw.” And that was the first time Louis actually, properly said it to him, not some inside out sort of way. Nick had to kiss him, so he did. Long and slow, right there on the playground in the dark of the night. It really was quite romantic in a cliche sort of way, but Nick didn’t give two fucks.

 

When the time had passed and Louis was now sitting with his head on Nick’s shoulder, Nick’s hand curled onto Louis’ thigh, the silence faded with a small whisper. A whisper that Nick will keep on loop in his head for the rest of his life. A whisper that brought a smile to his face. A whisper that granted Louis another long kiss, this time while straddling Nick’s lap.

 

“I won’t ever let you forget it either.” But within a moment, the seriousness faded and was replaced with a giggle and grin. Nick wouldn’t have expected anything less. He wouldn’t want anything else. “C’mon. I want to lay on the courts and look at the stars. I’ve always wanted to do that with someone.”

 

So the two of them did just that. Louis taking off like a rocket across the mulch and down the hill to the basketball court. By the time Nick sat down, huffing at Louis’ ungodly speed, Louis was spread out, hands behind his head, smiling up at Nick. Really, Nick couldn’t be upset with him. Who could be let down by such a beautiful face?

 

Both of them managed to get settled comfortably despite the roughness of the concrete beneath them. Tonight, the stars were twinkling wonderfully and the moon was a bright white disc high above. It was moments like these that Nick wished he could experience every single day back home. It made him want to stay right there in the moment. If he could freeze time, he would. A breathtaking view, above him and beside him.

 

As if the night of the drive in was coming back, he turned his attention to Louis briefly every other moment or so. It was enough to see the slow curl of Louis’ mouth into a smile, something so warm and inviting. Even then, Louis kept his eyes on the stars above, the moonlight defining his cheekbones and jaw more-so than they already were chiseled.

 

“I can feel you staring.” Of course, Nick wasn’t exactly discrete this time. Then again, he supposes he never really was discrete in observing Louis.

 

“As I’ve said before, I like looking at beautiful things.” Louis fucking beamed at that, and Nick’s heart tugged at that. It was positively mental how one man, and one man alone could make Nick want to give up everything else in his life just to live every moment alone with him. He took the moment to press a quick kiss to Louis’ lips which only had Louis reaching up to pull him back down for another one.

 

“You fucking cliche,” Louis murmured against Nick’s mouth before settling back onto the concrete, hands behind his head. Nick grinned, leaning back onto his hands, face up to the sky.

 

There in the moonlight with millions of stars shining, everything was alright. Every bad thing the existed or caused harm at any point, evaporated. None of it mattered. All that mattered was right there next to him. He took one last glance down at Louis. His eyes were closed, but he was smiling. He was beautiful. He was at peace. Nick was so in love, and he didn’t want it any other way.

 

It was just them and the universe.

 

-

 

“Be safe, yeah? Please make sure to message me when you land. I don’t care what time it is. I just want to make sure that you are okay.” Louis stood up on his toes to press a kiss to Nick’s cheek, a laugh passing Nick’s lips. “Sorry, I just don’t want you to disappear after this. I’m kind of attached.”

 

“Louis, darling, you are going to be in London in three weeks. I’ll be there.” Louis looked down, cheeks flushed. He couldn’t help it. They only had two days of being together  _ knowingly in love  _ and Louis was not ready to let Nick go just yet. “But I do promise to let you know when I land. You will be the first person to know.”

 

He toyed with Nick’s shirt, an attempt to distract himself from the fact that they would have to depart ways in just minutes. Even though the thought was heart-wrenching, he forced himself to think of the time he would get with Nick for the next three months.  _ Three months.  _ Louis would be in London that long, working an internship for exactly what he wanted to do in life, rooming with his best friend,  _ and  _ getting to see Nick more often than not. That might have ignited a warm fire in his belly that he relished in unabashedly.

 

As if everyone knew how much Louis dreaded the thought of Nick taking off, the boarding schedule flashed that his plane had landed meant, no more time. A sinking feeling rose in his chest, but he smiled up at Nick nonetheless. “Time for you to get going. As much as I want you to stay, I don’t want you to miss your flight because I can’t stop being sickening for two seconds. You surprising me early should have been enough, but I don’t think I could really get tired of you right now.”

 

Nick leaned down and kiss him. And Louis was a blushing,  _ fucking mess.  _ “You’ll see me soon. I’ll message you when I’ve landed, and I’ll message you everyday until you land as well.”

 

Louis laughed, swatting at Nick’s chest. “Just promise to become my tour guide. You have some standards to uphold considering the terrific job I did.” Louis paused. “And no, what time we had in London back in December does not count because we rarely left your place. I want the whole lot, yeah?”

 

It was Nick’s turn to laugh, picking up his duffel of the ground, swinging it over his arm. “I promise. Everything. I’ll see you soon.”

 

“Soon.” With that, Nick pressed a final kiss to Louis’ temple before turning over his shoulder with a wave and somber eyes, but still a warm smile. Each step away was like a sting, but it was good. He had found someone that could make him feel this way, and that’s something he had wanted for so long.

 

He trembled, utterly gobsmacked. It had really had been one year since he said goodbye to Nick at the airport, unsure of where they fully stood with each other. No matter how much he wanted more in those months apart, he could barely bring himself to even tell Nick how he felt. Maybe the distance had done it in for Nick as the months passed, and he wouldn’t want to give it a shot.

 

But there was always that spark of hope each and every day that Nick messaged him, never once mentioning a new man in his life. Nor did Louis see any pictures or tabloids of model men draped on Nick’s arm, a tipsy smile on their lips. It was the only reassurance that he got that it was fine.

 

On top of that, it was a fearful endeavor planning a trip to London not even knowing whether or not things would surely be okay. Louis  _ had  _ been harsh on Nick up until two hours before Nick’s departure from Louisville. But it was okay. More than okay, and Louis smirked, remembering when he saw Nick in London that day.

 

Now, Louis could smile, the heavy weight gone from his chest. Nick  _ loved  _ him. Just thinking about it made him want to cry. Only a tiny bit. He didn’t want to be that obnoxious. Okay, no. He was going to be very much obnoxious and go back to his apartment, open and vulnerable, knowing that he is loved. By Nick. Nick fucking Grimshaw. The one who ran into him more times than not, nearly causing Louis at have a heart attack each time. But in the end it was worth it because it was cliche, and no matter how many times Louis complained about cliches, he was a sucker for them. 

 

And even though the first two weeks weren’t really dates, Louis secretly liked to think they were, and they would always hold that special spot in his heart. Nick listened to what Louis liked and enjoyed it with him. He practically basked himself in it. So much that Louis would never not see him as poetry in human form.

 

Sometimes Louis laughs thinking about how  _ ridiculous  _ every was then. It was a little embarrassing about how forward and willing Louis was to show Nick around. Even when showing him around became more of hanging out and being disgustingly close. But then again, Nick had been rather adamant about Louis giving him the full Louisville experience. And he most definitely did not miss each time Nick’s eyes became a little  _ too fond  _ when Louis started rambling about a rather non-crucial part of history.

 

He smiled, thankful for losing a precious cup of coffee that very day. He silently praised himself for opening up and allowing himself to be seen as who he was. He even blessed Nick’s outrageous friends for making this the place they sent Nick. 

 

No matter how many years he spent calling Indiana or Louisville his home, he could now confidently admit that wherever Nick was, he would always be at home.

 

-

 

Security was easy, which was nice. However, it made in close proximity to Louis very limited. Even with his knowledge of how soon Louis would be back by his side, there was still an ache present right in his sternum, a longing for Louis to just leave with him now. The ache still baffled Nick. No one else had ever evoked this kind of feeling from him, and here was a beautiful boy from far out in the Midwest of the United States able to render him speechless.

 

The first time he landed here, nothing seemed right. He was traipsing through the airport in his  _ fucking Gucci slippers  _ (which he just so happened to be wearing now, thank you very much). The only familiar thing about the place was the fact that there had been a Starbucks. Everything else was horses. Horses! Absolutely absurd.

 

Back then, he longed to be with his dogs in his cosy flat, but now, both those things meant slightly less if Louis wasn’t there with him. Back then, he felt sheepish about ruining into Louis and the rather, uh, not so appropriate at the time thoughts. Back then, it was impossible to even imagine things the way they were now. He silently blessed that one tweet and the repugnant fireworks that kept him awake that very night.

 

Here, now, as he sits buckled up on the plane, everything finally feeling real. As a kid, he always had this hope, this vision in his head. While this vision ended in him being married by this point, that didn’t matter to him anymore. What matters is that he hoped enough, and he found someone for him. An actual someone so beautiful, so kind, so  _ Louis.  _ After trial and tribulation, pain and agony, acceptance and growth he made it. 

 

The radio life droned on and on albeit excitingly. Not once did he hold back. He never once hesitated. That was until it came to Louis. He hesitated because for the first time, he was the guy that gave him a whole new point of view on life. After years of the same old shit, Louis was that breath of sweet air that Nick unconsciously clawed at for years during each wedding, party, and family gathering he attended.

 

As the plane started down the runway, Nick cracked open the plastic panel to reveal one last glimpse of Louisville. Not permanently, just for now. The sky was a golden orange with hints of warm honey and magenta. He could practically feel the warmth through the window. Louis opened many doors for him, but this… This sky was his favorite one. While it Indiana sunset held one of Nick’s favorite memories, it also held one of his least favorite. Maybe that’s why it was so important to him.

 

And then they were in the sky, off and away. The sky become more vast while everything below turned into pinpoints glowing in the sun. Nick smiled. It was beautiful, something he never thought he would say. He surely did end up with more than he was given. Now, he wasn’t one to believe in fate, but right in this moment, he believed. He believed that every tiny thing added up to the whole, him and Louis, meant to be.

 

He pressed his hand against the pane, taking a deep breath. What would be predicted as a goodbye, was only a blossoming hello Nick realized. There was no need to be careful. No need to look back, only forward.

 

He would find his way.  _ They _ would find their way. It never seemed so clear. He closed the shade and then his eyes. Another smile. Another breath. Another minute passed by.

 

It all starts here.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update for anyone interested. Decided to add a third chapter due to sudden inspiration. Hope you enjoyed it so far. Quick blessing to the song "It All Starts Here" by Magic Man to help me with the end. Thank you to anyone that reads.


	3. you and me got a whole lot of history

[ Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood ](https://open.spotify.com/track/0ZUo4YjG4saFnEJhdWp9Bt?si=1COtx42WQaOVVHQj5HrC0w)

 

_ Right now, he’s probably slow dancing _

 

“Zayn, am I wrong to think this?”

 

“Not at all.”

 

It had been two years since Louis started his internship, and left with an offer on the table for a full time position. It didn’t take much mulling over at all for him to agree, a smile on his face, some mind-blowing sex from Nick in celebration, and a little time with Zayn and Mary Jane (which may not have been the best idea of course, but fuck it.)

 

A lot had happened in those two years. Louis moved in with Nick after six months on the job. They attended a lot of events totally out of the norm for Louis, but they soon became part of everything that Louis’ life revolved around. During this time, he befriended a few people, but kept his circle small. Despite his years of growth, fear and worry were ever-present deep in the pit of his stomach. He even witnessed Nick leave the Breakfast Show for their relationship. Nick’s dream job! For Louis!

 

Things had been fucking amazing between him and Nick, so the moment  _ he  _ came into the picture, Louis knew there was a reason worry and fear stayed right with him. Louis had to admit that he was beautiful. Almost too beautiful. Wild brown hair, bright green eyes, and a dimple he kind of wanted to make home in. Not to mention, he had what seemed like trillions of crazy tattoos and abstract rings on his fingers. This was surely not subjective when Louis said he was beautiful because, come on, the man knew he looked good.

 

And that’s why it scared Louis. The guy could get just about anyone, and said anyone would fall head over heels for him. It’s not that Louis didn’t trust Nick… He just knew Nick had a history and this boy was beautiful. So of course Louis pursed his lips and buried his head deep in a book anytime his name was mentioned, shrugging it off as he was tired and had work to complete.

 

But Nick  _ always  _ brought him up. It was eating away at Louis so badly. So instead of confronting Nick about it like a rational human being, he opted for stubborness and allowed the guilt to control him.

 

It had been going on for nearly five months now. Five months since Harry Styles, goddamn him, started his own internship at BBC. Each day became just a little more agonizing. Still, Louis refused to say anything because what if Nick was bored of him this time? What if Nick was ready to move on? Louis wasn’t ready to be thrown in the dirt just yet.

 

_ Right now he’s probably buying her some fruity little drink _

 

“I know I’m just overreacting, right? But what if I’m not? We have sex, but like, he doesn’t tell me that he loves me as much as he used to. I’m being dumb right?”  _ Fuck.  _ It was just a lot. But Louis perked up when Zayn reappeared in the room, a plate in his hands.

 

“Mate, you have every right to react the way you are,” Zayn started, picking a brownie up off the plate. “But you haven’t stopped letting it claw at you, so shut up, eat a brownie, and  _ relax.” _

 

Louis rolled his eyes, something that still hadn’t died over the years. “Exactly what I need. Really, thank you.”

 

“Don’t know why you are thanking me. You know you are better at making these than I am. Don’t usually do ‘em like this. Hits a little differently.” Louis snorted, splitting the brownie in half, handing the other one back to Zayn. He didn’t have time to deal with bullshit. The past few weeks had been enough hell, full of  _ Harry Styles this  _ and  _ Harry Styles that,  _ so Louis just wanted to let the fuck go. Please.

 

“Shut the fuck up and relax with me. Li should be home soon.” And that they did. One brownie gone and peaceful silence.

 

Forty-five minutes later, Liam walked in, take away bags in hand, completely unphased by the tangle of limbs on the couch. Within thirty seconds of Liam being through the door, he had been tugged onto the sofa, Zayn already sprawled on his lap like a needy kitten.

 

“Z, I really like dick.” Louis blushed like a fucking school girl. Zayn and Liam both laughed at that one.

 

“Lou, we know. One dick in particular that is.” Well fuck Liam. Louis had no intention of thinking about Nick’s dick because that surely led to all the possible places it could be in that very moment. The thought alone sobered him up just a tiny bit, but he couldn’t let it show. There was no way he needed Liam to be concerned about the whereabouts of Nick’s dick.

 

“If you would kindly shut the fuck up, I would be ever-so pleased, Payno.” Liam relaxed back into the cushions, his thumb brushing over the silver band on Zayn’s ring finger. Guess that was enough to keep him quiet.

 

_ Right now, he’s probably up behind her with a pool-stick _

 

“Liam, remember when I told you workplace relationships were cute? Fuck that. You guys are, uh, were, the only cute workplace relationship. Fuck Nick. If he is gonna do this, I can do whatever I want, yeah? Let loose, have some fun!” Louis giggled, resting his head against Liam’s shoulder, Zayn in laughter.

 

“Tommo, we are going out tomorrow, and you are going to get drunk.” Zayn nudged his toe against Louis’ calf, a lazy grin on his mouth. “But for now, just crash here tonight. ‘M having a good time with my favorite boys right now.”

 

“Z, you good?” Liam reached out, taking his hand. “How much did you have?”

 

“Silly Li,” Zayn put his hand over Liam’s crotch and Louis  _ cackled.  _ “Half.”

 

“Be careful next time, yeah?” Liam grinned, pressing a kiss to Zayn’s temple while Louis fake gagged, flopping his head back onto the pillow.

 

“Never do listen to you do I?” Zayn squeezed Liam’s dick through his pants which really made Louis want to throw up.  _ Not right now! Pay attention to me!  _

 

“Still married you, didn’t I?” Oh  _ fuck.  _

 

“Okay, listen. I could, like-,” Louis shifted, letting out a slow giggle. “I could go Carrie Underwood on Nick. Got me a Slugger an’ everything.”

 

“Loubear, you know you will regret it no matter what. You need to  _ talk  _ to him. Tell him how  _ you  _ feel.” Oh, Liam. That would just be too easy. And Louis and Nick’s relationship was anything but easy and simple. 

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis murmured, poking at a now very knackered Zayn who barely flinched in response. If anything, he just cuddles up closer to Liam. 

 

_ I dug my key into the side _

 

Of course, no matter what Louis decided, heating the truth from the source’s mouth would really be like a knife to the heart. It was the last thing he wanted after these years of finally feeling like a whole being. At the same time, Louis did not need to feel useless in his own relationship or like a complete toy to someone so clearly above him…

 

That had been something Nick had done a marvelous job at preventing Louis from thinking. He never once treated Louis any differently than his friends, from a social standpoint that is. Money didn’t play into the equation. Whether it was an event or a simple dinner, he was an equal.

 

However, due to the unfortunate circumstance of the BBC hiring  _ pretty _ interns, Louis being taken places, let alone being an equal went straight out the window. Even in his hazed, faded state, the fear and worry still nagged disgustingly at the pit of his stomach. 

 

Maybe he should listen to Liam and talk. Maybe it would make things easier and less painful in the long run. Maybe this, maybe that. 

 

But getting drunk, letting go, and forgetting for the time being sounded a lot easier in the now. 

 

[ Dancing With A Stranger - Sam Smith and Normani ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6Qs4SXO9dwPj5GKvVOv8Ki?si=oAssHbNfRDi6auZbO22HeA)

 

_ Look what you made me do _

 

So, Zayn had not been lying when he said he would make sure that Louis was blissfully drunk the following evening. There was seemingly permanent smile etched onto his mouth almost like it was sown on with soft pink thread and shining pearl detail. Although the night did start slow with only one shot and a rum and Coke, mind still clinging to the image of Nick standing flush against Harry with a pool stick… And the one disgustingly  _ beautiful  _ one of Harry and his  _ fucking obscene fingers.  _ Three more shots, one blueberry cider, a vodka cranberry, two vodka sodas, and some fucking peach drink Zayn shoved at him with a grin later, Louis was  _ five  _ sheets in the wind, Nick the absolute last thing on his mind.

 

Instead he made himself very much involved himself in the glorious, stunning oh-so scrumptious purple pants that such a charming man was wearing. Well, for all Louis knew, he could be horrific, but if he could pull off pants like that, he was charming enough in Louis’ mind and the one that he wanted to spend the rest of the night dancing alongside (or up against, that sounded promising).

 

An exuberant amount of confidence, a munificent smile, and some sweet talking later, Louis had his perfectly delectable (way better than  _ Harry’s,  _ thank you very much) ass pressed Purple Pants Man’s crotch. The neon strobes gallivanted across the sharp cut of Louis’ cheekbone, making Louis feel like actual fucking art that deserved all the attention in the world, something that was lacking in his life. Something that Harry had. Something so deep sated and painful to think of because Louis foolishly believed that Nick was the one for him, his home, his forever.

 

So when Louis turned around, eyes glassy with unshed, scalding tears, Purple Pants took hold of his hand, bringing his lips down to Louis’ ear. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

_ I’m with somebody new  _

 

Now Louis was stood on the side, pressed firmly against the dingy brick wall, bottom lip quivering. It was pleasantly warm outside, but with a decent enough breeze to keep him focused. Niall, as Louis learned once they stepped outside was leaning against the wall beside him, truly no hurry or bother in his eyes which quite possibly scared Louis because he was a fucking stranger who almost cried in the middle of the dancefloor. 

 

“I have a boyfriend, and he is very much attracted to another man. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do.” Louis sounded small. Even more small than the first time his world collided (again, quite literally) with Nick’s. It was a fruitless attempt to hold back the tremble that came with each syllable.

 

Niall let out a sigh. “Shit, mate. Fucking bastard. You sure about Grimmy doing something like that after all this time?”

 

Louis froze and Niall backtracked. “Hey, no, not saying you aren’t sure of it, but what has given it away? And Grimmy is pretty fucking animated about you on the radio. It’s not like you are completely unknown by everyone, yeah?”

 

“Never shuts up about the guy, hasn’t really seem invested in our relationship. I fucking took the job here half because he lived here and it would be easier. They are  _ everywhere.  _ Everything is about  _ him  _ and no more about  _ us  _ let alone  _ me. _ ” Louis inhaled. “It’s fine. I knew I wouldn’t be invisible from the public, but I don’t know how I feel now once the world sees me as the oblivious fuck to Nick getting it on with someone else.”

 

His name alone made Louis recoil just a slight bit. Nothing felt the same anymore. No more soft touches, little kisses, or sleeping in with the dogs. Matter of fact, this was possibly the first time since Louis properly came out that he fully regretted ever doing so. Too much shame and sorrow coursed through his veins and arteries and permeated his heart like a disease.

 

_ I’m dancing with a stranger _

 

“Louis, if it makes you feel any sort of comfort, I haven’t seen pap pics or Nick with anyone. Trust me, they would be out if he was fucking about with some other guy because I’ve seen it before in articles.” Niall put his right hand on Louis’ shoulder, an attempt at comfort. And honestly, it was the most comforting touch he had had from anyone as of late.

 

“Did you not see the picture of them playing pool yesterday?” Louis was on the precipice of screaming, his skin on fire, eyes burning. “It practically blew up!”

 

“Louis, I-” Niall stopped, crossing his arms over his chest, something there in his eyes.  _ Something.  _ But Louis didn’t know what. “I haven’t seen any of them. Was out of the social media loop last night, my bad.”

 

“Fuck, sorry. They just looked  _ cozy. _ ” Louis was past the point of exhaustion and the alcohol coursing through his veins most definitely did not help that. Nor did the alcohol aid the fact that he was immensely horny since his hand could only get him some relief. “Hope you weren’t looking for anything tonight. ‘M tired, and I should go find my friends.”

 

Niall barked out a laugh, lifting his left hand into Louis’ view. “Not looking for anything at all. It’s actually my stag night. I’m very much not available.”

 

Louis’ eyes widened at that, and at the same time he kind of felt like crying because  _ fuck.  _ He had totally crashed Purple Pants’ night by being a sorry fuck. “Shit, I didn’t even notice. Too much to drink, I guess? Whoever picked that ring out knows their shit, that’s a beauty right there.” Pause. “Did I really just ruin your entire night?”

 

“Nah, mate. It’s good. Probably for the best that I don’t go too wild anyway.” Niall chuckled, slinging an arm around Louis shoulder with a toothy grin. 

 

“Pardon me, but how pissed do you have to be to be willing to deal with my annoying ass?” Louis raised a brow. Let’s be real, he  _ had  _ been annoying everyone for the past couple weeks over his piss poor attitude because Nick couldn’t get his damn head out of his ass for two seconds to realize how fucking- Okay, point proven. Louis needed another drink. He needed to blackout.

 

“Already had a lot to drink, but,” Niall laughed again, smacking a kiss to Louis’ cheek, “I’m Irish, yeah?”

 

“Too much is never enough, I see?” Louis let out a little chuckle at that one, letting go of the tension that had built up in his chest for so much time.

 

“‘Course. Now go find your mates and I’ll find mine!” Niall stepped back, smile bright and almost fucking overbearing. How could he be so cheerful? The fuck if Louis knew. “And talk to Grimmy. Just keep trying. I’m sure everything is a misunderstanding. I wish you the best.”

 

“Same to you. Wishing you the best that is. Your partner got themselves a downright charmer.” Outside, he was relaxed, even smiling a bit. However, the instead was a deadly turmoil and battle of Louis thinking he wasn’t,  _ isn’t,  _ enough for Nick to want to marry him. Truthfully, he didn’t even need the godforsaken ceremony or a piece of paper. He just wanted Nick to want him forever, and Louis would be perfectly content. But every attempt at utopia was a merciful failure. “I’ll talk to Nick.”

 

“Cheers to that. Night, Louis!”

 

And then Niall was gone, and Louis was all alone with his thoughts once more. Every moment that passed grew worse and more like his guilty, hidden childhood. How he was then, was how he felt now. The little boy that got hit on the soccer field because he was  _ too feminine  _ and  _ not like the other boys  _ was back inside the older, wiser, distraught man of today.

 

Nick had been the one to help him let go, to feel whole, to be comfortable in his own skin. Now, he just felt like putty, the soft tenderness coming back like a ghoulish creature that he desperately pleaded to forget. But no, it wasn’t that easy, and Louis knew it wasn’t that easy back then yet he believed Nick. He was such a believable person, so no wonder Louis felt so strung along at this point. He had believed only to be dropped like a hot coal into a raging fire.

 

Soon enough, he would reach his breaking point and snap. But now he was unsure of the time frame. He just needed another drink. Or two.

 

Because too much is never enough.

 

Thank you, Niall.

 

[ Mother - Smallpools ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4E58fGVDk1d0DHUHLIrOoh?si=k5g9hw7zQsW8t4Ce-ijmHA)

 

_ So tell me why _

 

Brutality arose the following morning, going after Louis emotionally and physically. After emptying the acidic bite from his body, some painkillers, and a hot mug of coffee, everything was joyously numb. Nick never even texted him that night. No “I love you”, no “have a good time?”, not even a simple “goodnight”. With the guidance of Liam, Zayn, and the searing words of Niall, Louis was able to push himself from the couch in Liam and Zayn’s shared flat. It was just the first step to what needed to be done.

 

The energy to head to the station came next. Truthfully, that might have been the hardest part of it all because it felt like everyone had their eyes glued on Louis. It felt like they knew every single thought in his head and that they knew what Nick was doing to him. Some of them looked almost sorrowful which nagged angrily at Louis’ heart. In another time and place, Louis would disregard all of this, but his whole body and brain were on high alert and  _ everything  _ seemed out of place.

 

A beautiful cascade of sunshine fell down onto the ground when Louis arrived at Nick’s, no  _ their,  _ place. It contrasted in such a tragic manner with the mood radiating off Louis himself, but perhaps this was the little piece of extra goodness and willpower for Louis to unlock the door and go inside.

 

“Nick?” Louis paused. “I’m back.”

 

Although Louis may not have been greeted with a kiss or plain “hello”, he was attacked with love from Stinky and Pig both which was enough to put a kind grin on his face. In the background, Louis could hear Nick talking to someone on presumably the phone. With minor hesitation, he made his way towards the voice, bottom lip tucked in between his teeth.

 

_ You’re still here  _

 

“Who was that?” Nick jumped when he set his phone down next to him, Louis leaning on a shoulder against the wall. 

 

“Lou, didn’t know you would be back this early.” Nick paused, a smile on his lips as he ushered Louis to come sit beside him. “That was Harry.”

 

Even though Louis barely managed to place himself comfortably next to next, he did, rather successfully, not let his eyes roll. He placed his hand sturdily on Nick’s knee, testing the waters. “Just wanted to be back here with you, yeah? What did Harry have to say?”

 

“Just a bit of banter and shit. Nice to talk to him about certain things.” Louis bit the inside of his cheek, his hand traveling to the inseam of Nick’s pants.  _ Did Nick really not see how his natural flirtation with the male species affected Louis?  _

 

“That so? Good to know you can always have a chat with him.” Louis then placed his hand over Nick’s clothed, not even semi hard cock. That made Nick tense.

 

“Not now, Lou.”  _ Okay, what the fuck? _ It was so extremely rare that Nick of all people would turn down even a simple handjob _.  _ It stung a little more than it should, but Louis should have expected it.

 

“What do you mean? It’s been nearly a week. I just- I thought it might be nice. Sorry.” Louis retracted his hand at lightning speed. He felt  _ embarrassed  _ in front of Nick. He had never felt that way until this very moment.

 

“Darling, I’m just not up for it today. I’m-,”

 

_ And I’m still here _

 

Like a light switch, Louis snapped.

 

“Oh, but you were a couple nights again? Did you get your fix then? Is he better? Did Harry suck you dry?” Louis wanted to cry, scream, disappear. Nick looked like a deer in headlights, almost like he had been caught red-handed.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“C’mon Nick. You were all over him in those pictures. I’m not fucking stupid.” Louis was outraged, scared of himself. Even the dogs looked terrified as they hunkered down together by the chair. 

 

“Harry-

 

“See! Harry  _ this,  _ Harry  _ that.  _ It’s like I don’t even exist!” Nick reached out to try and grab Louis’ hand, but Louis jumped up from his position on the couch to stand before Nick. But his face did drop. He had been called out, and it was evident.

 

“Listen to-,”

 

“No, I’m not going to listen.  _ You  _ are going to listen. I’ve listened to you talk about Harry everyday since he started working with you, and now I’m going to say what I want to say.” Louis bit his tongue to distract him from the impending overflow of tears. Nick was supposed to be his. They were supposed to work together. Now, all forces seemed to be sending them apart. 

 

“Louis, please. Harry isn’t-,” Nick attempted to be fast, but Louis was faster. Always had been. In a lot of ways.

 

“You do realize that natural charm and flirting does not insinuate hooking up?” Nick just sat there staring directly at Louis. “You are more fit than you fucking realize and you ooze fucking charm and you  _ always  _ flirt, but I just know because that is who you are. I  _ never  _ questioned your loyalty until now. I feel fucking embarrassed because everyone, including me, sees it. I’m not fucking blind. It makes me look like a fool. It makes me regret  _ ever  _ coming out.”

 

Nick’s face did completely crumble at that. Louis could practically see his entire being shatter before him. Maybe he was a little harsh, but if Nick was going to play childish games with him, he was going to try to get the upper hand here.

 

There was a breath and Nick spoke. “Do you genuinely believe that I would hook up with someone else?”

 

It was a fail to stop the tremor in Louis’ voice. “You’ve said I have no need to worry about other people when it came to me, but with your track record in the past, I’m starting to feel like I should be worried. Fuck it, I  _ am  _ worried. I’m defeated. I feel like the never ending joke of a hook up.”

 

_ And we’re still taking time out of our busy lives  _

 

The look on Nick’s face  _ hurt. _ “I said this nearly three years ago, but if I have done something to ever make you think you were just a “fuck toy” as you so lightly put it, then I have done something terrifyingly wrong.” Nick took a deep inhale. “You were the first man I ever properly said “I love you” to, and now I feel like you won’t even believe that.” 

 

“Nick, I,”

 

“No, I’ve seriously done something wrong here, and it’s thinking that you would always believe me when I tell you that I love you, and only you.” The cracking in Louis’ heart had to have been heard by everyone. Forget the shot heard ‘round the world, this was worse. So much worse.

 

“But, I,” Louis tried, but the air was too thick.

 

“We seem to be on very different pages in this relationship. And as much as I want to have you stay here with me and we work out these issues, I don’t think that will work for the both of us.” Nick seemed… unusually calm in his tone, but his face was one of terror, Louis  _ knew.  _ “I think a couple days apart to clear our heads would be better before we even think about trying to talk about this. We have to try and get back on the same page, Louis. We have to interpret the text the same way, and we aren’t.”

 

And there was the drop. Deep down, even though in the moment Louis couldn’t admit it, he was wrong. He was so very wrong. The words were caught in his throat out of fear, his chest constricted with immeasurable force. 

 

“Okay.” It was all Louis could scrounge out of himself. 

 

_ Just to fuck around  _

 

Out of a new kind of embarrassment, Louis turned over his shoulder to go to  _ their  _ room. In almost a rage, Louis slung clothes into a bag, making sure at least some of them would be work acceptable. There was an abnormal heaviness in his chest that hadn’t been there before he talked to Nick.

 

For a brief moment, Louis sat on the edge of the bed, tears brimming in his eyes. Had this… Had this been it? What if this ended up being it, and there would be no more  _ them.  _ No more NickandLouis, just Nick and Louis. There was a pregnant pause before he stood, heading out of the room towards the front door.

 

It came as a surprise, but Nick stood at the door, arms over his chest. The energy zooming haphazardly around him was peculiar. He seemed off, and not just because of everything that happened. So, Louis made a quick attempt to just flee without a word, too demeaned by  _ everything.  _

 

And then there was a warm hand on his shoulder. “Louis, will you-.”

 

Hope sparked in Louis’ heart. With a whip of his head he was looking straight at Nick who appeared utterly lost. That small bit of hope dissipated as quick as it arose. It was a pathetic attempt to hide the disappoint in his eyes, and he deserves  _ knew  _ Nick saw it. He knew because the slight hunch was visible in Nick’s shoulders, and his lips pressed together tight in an attempt to hold everything back. 

 

“Never mind.” Nick was quiet after that, barely able to keep his eyes locked with Louis’. It only got a shrug from Louis and a view of his back, hand on the doorknob. 

 

“‘S what I thought.” He didn’t even wait for a response from Nick, but he still fucking knew that Nick looked broken behind him. 

 

All along, Louis had been avowedly sure that Nick was doing fuck knows what with Harry. But now Louis was at fault. He accused Nick. And based off his reaction, Louis was very much  _ wrong.  _ His doubt against Nick’s loyalty was fucking  _ devastating.  _ But here he was, standing outside Nick’s, no  _ their _ , home. Alone, wondering where the fuck he went wrong.

 

_ Spewing words we both could live without _

 

-

 

Laughter filled the bitter air. Almost hysterical laughter which made everything even more unsettling than it had been. It was just Nick, the dogs, and endless manic laughter. No amusement. No confusion. No sadness. 

 

It had taken Nick all this time to grow and become responsible and take control of a situation. Forty years of age was a lot closer than thirty. Just the thought alone sent a twinge of  _ something  _ in his chest. Putting that aside, Louis’ accusation did hurt. It hurt a lot more than Nick let on. He had been  _ so  _ adamant that Nick was no longer so arse over tits for Louis that a little piece of Nick’s surety crumbled. 

 

Ever since Louis, things were easier for Nick. He had grown tremendously and learned to love all proper and whatnot. Things had been going so well in terms of their relationship that it intimidated Nick in just the slightest. But here was the breaking point, and honestly, he would have rather it be anything else than what Louis thought and at any other point in time. He really thought… He really almost even let it all go out the fucking window and ruined it. Now was not the time though. They needed space. They needed to fucking  _ think.  _

 

_ And we’re still spending nights  _

 

At the same time, Nick saw where he went wrong right away. In the exact moment the words left Louis’ mouth, the past few months flashed before him. Every conversation was about Harry, it was true. He appeared so invested in Harry that Louis felt like he was on the shelf. Don’t get him wrong, Harry was dead nice and good for a laugh or chat, but he was absolutely, positively not Louis. No one would  _ ever  _ be Louis. 

 

Nick snorted at the that which was, frankly, immature of him, but fucking  _ Harry?  _ Of all people? Surely somewhere deep down Louis had to have at least had a hint that Harry was definitely not the type of person with which Nick wanted to be. 

 

He sighed, taking one last look at the door. Who knew how long it would take for things to be sorted. It was contemptible, but inevitable. 

 

One deep breathe, and he turned to head to the bedroom, desperate for a rest before going to work. Louis really did his head in. Or maybe Nick did it to himself. Either way, it was shit. 

 

With yearning for a resolution, he sank to the bed. The less conscious time he had, the better. The less active thinking might ease the tension.

 

But when it came to Louis, not thinking about him was implausible.

 

_ Wasting half our lives like fucking clowns _

 

_ - _

 

[ Over & Over - Smallpools ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4bcMxSXijaZ9cGXynsRD3I?si=3KfUsXpVQRC0uMwV2GTEYg)

 

_ It was a company event  _

 

Exactly one week after the fiasco, Louis was at an art exhibition. With Nick. And Liam. And Zayn. (Which, honestly, the only reason he got Liam and Zayn to come be allowed to attend was because  _ Harry  _ was going to be there.) Even after serious self-reflection, Louis felt small and powerless next to Harry despite Nick’s avail. 

 

It was summer. It was pleasantly warm, but not disgusting like it would be back in Indiana. Aside from the balmy wind outside balmy weather, Louis was pleased that the event was inside. Drink in hand, Louis moseyed about, taking his time with each piece before him. Before too long, there was a tap on his shoulder. All he could think when he turned around was  _ fuck.  _

 

“You’re Louis, right?” A smile. “Hi, I’m-.”

 

“Harry, yes. I’ve heard,” Louis swallowed, really giving it his all  _ not  _ to come off as an asshole, all things considered. “A lot about you.”

 

He was fucking  _ beaming.  _ “Yeah? It’s brilliant to finally meet you. Grimmy talks about you quite a lot if I do say so myself.”

 

Louis turned pink, hopefully hidden by the lower lighting in the room. “That-.”

 

_ With a margarita tent  _

 

“There ya fucking are.” 

 

Louis perked up at that. Now, he didn’t want to just assume, but that voice was so familiar, almost like he had heard it before. So when a certain brunet Irishman who had an affinity for purple pants lips connected with Harry fucking Styles’ lips, Louis’ jaw hit the floor. 

 

“Louis, how are ya?” This had to be a fucking glitch. There was no way that this was real life. 

 

“Niall, what the- Excuse me?” Both Harry and Niall fucking cackled right in Louis’ face. Louis had to have looked like a godforsaken tomato.

 

“I assume that you didn’t talk to Nick about this then.” That sly bastard. Louis rolled his eyes.

 

“That obvious, yeah?” He sounded downright terrified. At the rate his heart was going, he might combust right then and there. 

 

“He’s been a mopey fucker all week at work. Thought I might have to suggest pr-,” Harry tried to say something, but was interrupted with a clap on the back from Niall. 

 

“He was gonna have to talk some sense into him, ye?” Harry giggled against the top of Niall’s head. Louis was so fucking confused. 

 

“So, this is the guy that picked out the fancy as shit ring?” Louis shifted from one foot to the other and then took a sip of his drink. This had to be some sort of prank.

 

“Mhm, I’m the guy.” Harry grinned, wrapping an arm around Niall’s waist. “Came home the next day and told me about what you thought. Called Nick right away. He ended up turning into the mopey fuck. I had no intention of getting with him, and he never made any kind of move on me.”

 

_ I said “how’s your week?” _

 

Louis bit his lip, averting his gaze to the floor. “I’m feeling more like a fool than maybe ever before.”

 

“Kiss and make up, Louis. I don’t think he’s going to let you go anytime soon.” Harry smiled, offering his hand out to Louis. A glance to the side and- “But you might want to make sure he doesn’t get too close to your mate.”

 

Louis flipped his head over his shoulder, a smirk falling on his lips when he saw the scene before him. “If Nick is shacking up with Liam, then we would have a serious problem. Liam is very much in love and very much married. ‘M sure his partner wouldn’t be too happy about that.”

 

Both Harry and Niall snickered at that which got an eye roll from Louis. Oh, the classics were back. With a quick handshake to both men before him, he was traipsing across the room to grab (and apologize to) Nick from a tipsy looking Liam. By the time he was in front of them, Nick had his mouth up to Liam’s ear whispering god knows what. The moment Liam saw the look on Louis’ face he squirmed away, knowing to give the two some peace.

 

A quick nod to the head, and Louis was eye to eye with Nick, decked in his stunning green ensemble and  _ fucking Dior high-tops _ . The look on Nick’s face was one of unsurety and something hopeful right below that. A tsunami of nerves barreled down on him, rendering his voice soft. “So, Harry and Niall?”

 

_ She said, “man, I’m spent” _

 

“Harry and Niall.” Nick nodded, reaching out for Louis’ free hand which Louis gladly gave to him. He gave a quick squeeze to Nick’s hand, almost like his first step towards apology. “Same page?”

 

Louis offered him an apologetic smile, nodding in response. “Same page.”

 

And then the most beautiful, most breathtaking look appeared on Nick’s face. Louis could see the relief course through his veins just from his simple confirmation. He leaned down, his lips brushing over the shell of Louis’ ear, sending a shiver down his spine. “We will talk more about this later. Let’s just have a good night.”

 

Louis agreed, tipping his head up when Nick put a finger underneath his chin. One kiss turned into three and kisses soon turned into drinks. Not that either of the two minded. 

 

No, they didn’t mind at all.

 

_ And I could use a crazy night  _

 

Before Louis really had a genuine idea of what was going on, they were in front of a mirror, him, Nick, Aimee, a couple others. But he was far too distracted when Nick propped his leg up on the chair. In all honesty, it wasn’t obscene. Louis, however, made it to be that way. 

 

For the past hour Louis and Nick had been side by side. No matter where one went, the other followed. The separation had been too much, and it was rather evident in their actions. A touch here, a kiss there. Almost like they were marking their territory despite everyone already knowing they had full possession over each other. 

 

But now, here they were, stood in front of a mirror. Truly, Louis couldn’t hold back the desire to just place his hand right over Nick’s crotch. Right in front of people. Right as the camera snapped. 

 

“Oi, we should probably take another one.”

 

Nick glances down at the phone while he placed his hand over Louis’, the one right on top of his dick. “It’s good. Makes a statement that it belongs to Louis, no one else.”

 

Louis giggled at that, but deep down, past the tipsiness, he knew what Nick meant by that. No one else would be able to touch Nick that way he does. Nick was Louis’ and Louis was Nick’s. There was no other way. Nothing else in this world seemed more right then them as one. 

 

Louis gave Nick’s cock a quick squeeze once the other three trailed off, laughing, not giving a care in the world about Louis’ blatant sexual act. He rose up on his toes, breath ghosting Nick’s ear. “Can we please go home?”

 

Nick tensed at that, his dick twitching under Louis’ palm. He nodded before speaking. “I think you mean just a place a little more comfortable and practical for us to fuck.”

 

At that, Louis furrowed his brow, a stinging feeling in his chest. He thought everything had been going fine. Was that wrong? “What do you mean?”

 

Nick leaned forward, lips only a centimeter from Louis’. “I mean, anywhere with you in it is home for me.” 

 

Louis’ heart jumped, a glorious smile forming on both his and Nick’s mouths. “Ditto.”

 

Lips on lips. Probably too intimate for the current setting, but who really gave a fuck? It was mainly Nick’s friends and coworkers. It was  _ fine.  _ Louis giggled, and Nick smiled wickedly. 

 

“Welcome home.”

 

_ I wanna call you mine, and never let you down _

 

[ Apple - Julia Michaels ](https://open.spotify.com/track/56bbqIxsAzzNX28hYl8wRL?si=ht6WWpenQiaJVw-53AQZsQ)

 

_ I’d rather be kissing in summer, so innocent _

 

Long after the event was over, Louis was back in  _ their  _ bed. Nick was clad in only a pair of undies, Louis still in his dress shirt and briefs, a plate of apple slices sitting in between them. Nothing about Louis’ accusations had been brought up all night, but now that they were alone, and a bit more sober, Louis felt the air clinging to him uncomfortably.

 

“Nick?” Louis was quiet, scared. “I’m really sorry that I ever thought you would do something like that to me. I shouldn’t still be worried after all this time. But I guess that is what scared me. It  _ has  _ been some time, and I was worried that you could possibly be tired of the same, boring me. So, really, I feel like a downright fool for ever doubting how you felt towards me.”

 

“We talked about sex,” Nick threw out quickly. Louis’ heart dropped at that, hands folding in his lap. He was unsure of what to say, so he probably looked like a babbling idiot. “But not like that, Louis. I can see the gears turning in your head trying to process. We talked about sex. Me. Having sex with you.”

 

“I’m lost. I don’t understand- Huh?” Louis felt like a cherry, bright and red.  _ They had discussed his and Nick’s sex life?  _ The thought made him shiver. Was he supposed to be angry? Sad? Excited? There was no way to truly tell.

 

_ In your apartment on the weekends _

 

“I do owe an explanation to that.” Nick look frustrated, maybe even a little upset. Honestly, even a little worried. Louis moved the plate to the side so he could shift closer to Nick, taking one of his hands. That, at least, got a small smile. “I always thought I was good at talking about sex, yeah? It’s- It has always been a constant in my life. I’ve grown to be less ashamed to admit that, but something I realized once you came into my life, I felt  _ terrified  _ to ask for sexual favors. I just le-,”

 

“Nick, hey, no-,” Louis shook his head, giving Nick’s hand a squeeze when he got  _ that  _ look. It was Nick’s turn to talk. He needed to.

 

“As wrong as it was of me to presume after the first time, I always thought you just wanted to, uh, bottom. And I know that is really silly of me because I could have just asked, but I felt so embarrassed about sex for the first time in fucking ages. It’s been over three years, and I still feel it’s like the first time with you every time. I’m almost forty for fuck’s sake!” Nick took a deep breath. “Now I’ve made you think I’m shagging Harry when he was just the only person I felt I could open up to about bringing in the topic of rimming, so I am-.”

 

Louis jumped in, pushing himself to his knees, feeling his dick swell at the thought of it. “You want me to rim you?”

 

Nick froze. “Listen, you don’t have to. It was only something that I had been thinking about, it’s not-.”

 

“I’m fucking vers. Not like that changes me wanting to. Rim you that is.” Louis dragged his tongue over his lower lip, taking Nick’s hand and placing it over Louis’ crotch. “I really want to. I just- I guess I always presumed as well. But I  _ want  _ to do this.”

 

Nick flashed a small smile up at him which made Louis grin and push him back onto the bed with ease. “That went over a lot better than I anticipated.”

 

_ Lift up my dress to see where you’ve been _

 

Louis tugged down material covering Nick’s cock in one fell swoop. To no surprise, he was already half hard. The sight alone made Louis’ mouth water as he moved to straddle Nick’s thighs. “Pretty sure anything having to do with you and sex will always go over well with me. As long as the sex is with me, of course. We both know how I get at the thought of it being someone else.”

 

Nick chuckled at the, trailing his fingers down the expanse of Louis’ thighs. Even many seasons of not training, Louis still managed to keep himself insanely toned, much to Nick’s delight. “Are you going to just waste the rest of the apple?”

 

“Hm, I’m too impatient to wait to get my mouth on you. ‘M sure we can get more apples later on.” Louis giggled, leaning down to kiss Nick. It was hot and sweet from the residual taste of apple. It screamed summer time and happiness. Louis didn’t want anything else. He bit down playfully on Nick’s lower lip before licking over it to soothe the sting. Once he was satisfied, he sat up, looking down at Nick’s swollen, spit-slick mouth.

 

“Did you know if you pinch an apple hard enough, a decent amount of juice will come out,” Louis teased, trailing his fingertips down the center of Nick’s abdomen eyes trained on the pattern his fingers made. He glanced up at the man beneath him from under his lashes. 

 

“You look positively sinful,” Nick murmured, hands gripping Louis’ thighs. When a hand come in contact with his cock, the muscles in his thighs spasmed in the slightest. “No wonder the apple is the forbidden fruit.”

 

_ That’s what I want, and that’s where I am  _

 

Louis slinked lower, pushing Nick’s legs apart with one hand, using the other one to grab a pillow to prop one of Nick’s legs. “Are you really picking now as the time to talk about the Bible?”

 

“I find it comical, love.” Nick put one hand in Louis’ hair, guiding his head down until his lips were brushing over the sensitive vein in Nick’s dick. Louis teased it with the tip of his tongue, then pressed it flat against the underneath, dragging upwards until he could wrap his lips around the tip. A low groan fell from Nick’s mouth. Louis had to suppress a smirk from forming on his mouth. “Quite unfair that I’m naked and you aren’t.”

 

Louis lowered his head, taking Nick halfway into his mouth before pulling off with a pop. He had  _ plenty  _ of time to tease. “I think it’s very fair. Also, I thought you wanted something a little more than a blowie, babe.”

 

“Then get on with it,” Nick taunted, giving Louis’ fringe a gentle tug to direct Louis to sit up. Louis leered at that, bringing his index and middle fingers to his mouth. Without breaking eye contact with Nick, he sucked on his fingers, coating them in spit. Once satisfied, he brought his fingers down to Nick’s rim, circling it just with his fingertips. The look on his face was fucking voluptuary. 

 

“How long has it been, Nick?” Louis paused, but added more pressure, not enough to penetrate yet. Nick inhaled shakily, bending his knee to provide Louis more space to work. That wasn’t a good enough response. Louis removed his fingers, opting to wrap his hand around the base of Nick’s cock and  _ squeezing.  _ “How long?”

 

Nick whined, bucking his hips up, seeking something.  _ Anything. _ “Fuck, Lou. Years. Before you. I don’t know.”

 

_ Bite off an apple right from your fridge  _

 

That for Louis to smirk and release his hold. His fingers now walked off towards the forgotten plate, plucking one of the apple slices off it. He held it in between his index finger and thumb, biting down onto his lower lip. “Wanna try something?”

 

“Jesus, yes. Just do something!” Nick begged, hands gripping the sheets in his fists. He really did have amazing restraint, but Louis was unsure of how much longer that would last. And honestly, he very much wanted to put his mouth to work. 

 

“Thought we weren’t going to talk about the Bible,” Louis baited, squeezing the wedge with a little more force.

 

“Louis, I fucking sa- Shit!” Nick trembled as the juice leaked down onto his perineum, slowly trailing down over his hole. 

 

“Oops?” Louis looked up innocently, running to piece of apple along the path of juice and then circling the rim just once. The simple action made the muscles in Nick’s legs flex and his lips part. “Should probably clean up my mess.”

 

After discarding the drained apple to the side, Louis swooped down, tongue immediately connecting with Nick’s taint, lapping away like it was his last meal. One of Nick’s hands let go of the sheets, placing it on the back of Louis’ head, guiding him lower. Small, impatient noises fled past his lips.

 

A low moan left his mouth when Louis licked away at the sticky, sweet juice, spit dripping down his chin in the most vulgar way possible. And when Louis said to himself that this was the best thing he had ever tasted, he fucking meant it. The sweetness of the apple, the hint of sweat, the taste of  _ man.  _ The taste of  _ Nick.  _

 

The muskiness made Louis’ cock twitch underneath the confinements of his pants, a satisfied groan passing his lips. The softness of his tongue circled the rim lazily, easing Nick up, helping him relax until-

 

“Fucking hell, L-Lou,” Nick groaned, giving a tug at the hair beneath his hand when Louis was finally able to prod his tongue past the tight ring of muscle. Spit completely coated Louis’ chin, but no matter how far Louis buried his tongue, it still wasn’t enough. He flicked his tongue in an unnaturally speedy manner (a glorious talent he found he had  _ years  _ prior) before attaching his lips around the rim, sucking gently at the convulsing ring.

 

_ Come here and taste it right off my lips  _

 

When Louis presses his thumb against the skin of Nick’s perineum, indirectly stimulating the prostate gland. That sent Nick into a fit. His head lolled to the side, his breathing becoming even more erratic. Truthfully, it spurred Louis on even more. He massaged above the rim more admamently, still lapping hungrily at Nick’s hole. 

 

In a tizzy, Nick wrapped his hand around his cock, jacking himself off slowly. He swiped his thumb over the head, gathering the bubbling precome to use as  _ something.  _ Louis pulled away briefly to coat two of his fingers in saliva, quick and efficiently. “Louis, fuck,  _ please _ .”

 

A giggle from Louis and pressed his middle finger against the tight ring until he was down to the second knuckle. “Gotta have patience, babe.”

 

Short, needy breaths passed Nick’s lips as Louis stroked the inside of the hot, hot heat and smoothness. He pressed his hips downward, seeking  _ more, more, more.  _ Louis grinned, crooking the finger upward as Nick’s hand sped up on his cock.

 

Louis’ other hand went to press to Nick’s abdomen, feeling the muscles constrict with each stroke of his finger. Even more so when Louis fucked his second finger up into Nick and bringing his mouth down to add more spit for an easier slide. His fingers moved in a relentless, slow scissoring motion, giving just enough room for Louis to trace the rim with his tongue. A hungry whine passed his lips.

 

Nick thumbed the underside vein on his dick causing more precome to spurt out at the top. “I-I can’t- Lou, shit!”

 

Louis curved his fingers up once more, applying pressure that made Nick see stars. He tongued his way up Nick’s shaft until he was able to suckle on the head, kitten-licking away the precome. It was  _ good.  _ So good that it had Louis grinding his erection down on the sheets, desperate for  _ something.  _

 

_ Spill your emotions right into my hands _

 

It didn’t take much more of Louis bobbing his head on Nick’s cock to make his legs quiver with anticipation. Two fingers deep and Louis’ mouth halfway covering Nick’s dick, Nick shot off in his mouth. There was a decent enough warning with the tightening of the hand in his hair to reduce the amount of spluttering. He did, however, graciously swallow down everything Nick gave him, determined to take it all like it genuinely was the last meal he would ever have. 

 

When Nick became too sensitive, he tapped at Louis’ shoulder who removed his fingers and lifted his head. Like a predator after it’s prey, he crawled up until he could straddle Nick’s hips. He leaned down, pressing a string of kisses to his shoulder.

 

“Tasted like warm apple pie,” Louis whispered against Nick’s skin.

 

Large hands held onto Louis’ waist, almost an attempt at Nick grounding himself. His breathing was shaky, giving the curve of Louis’ hips a squeeze. Nick sounded breathless, but also very determined. “Let me help you out. Come here, love.”

 

And that he did. The material of his boxer briefs straining obscenely. He was seconds away from getting off just from rimming Nick, and now he was about to  _ finally  _ have a hand on him. 

 

He struggled to tug the material down, eventually getting it down below Louis’ balls, his dick coming up to smack against his abdomen. Nick licked over his hand and then wrapped it around Louis’ cock, a shudder running through both their bodies.

 

“Did I ever tell you how pretty your cock is, Louis?” That made Louis flush, scooting up until he was straddling Nick’s chest, just hovering. The simple swipe of Nick’s thumb over the head to gather precome had Louis mewling helplessly. 

 

It was just slick enough to keep it on the verge of pleasure and pain which Louis positively  _ thrived _ off. He bucked his hips into Nick’s hand, embarrassingly needy for some sort of release.

 

_ That’s what I want  _

 

“Nick, please. I need-,” Louis couldn’t stop his thighs from shaking. He threw his head back, eyes screwed shut as Nick pressed his thumb underneath the tip, totally sending Louis into a fit.

 

“You going to come, Louis?” Nick’s eyes were still glazed over with lust. He appeared to not be able to get enough either. When Louis presses his hips forward, moaning, Nick flicked his wrist  _ just right _ , tipping Louis over the edge. Next thing Louis could properly remember was his come prettily splattered across Nick’s collarbones. Thankfully, it wasn’t in his chest hair because that would be a  _ bitch  _ to wipe up.

 

With shakiness in his whole body, Louis still managed to crawl off of Nick, grabbing a handful of tissues of the dresser. It would have to suffice for the time being. By the looks of it, neither of the two wanted to move any further than where they lay now. A quick swipe and a majority of the jizz on Nick was gone, along with a quick wipe at both their spent cocks before he completely removed his own briefs. He glanced up at Nick who was smiling lazily at him.  _ Thank you Harry Styles. _

 

“Wonder what Jesus would think of us right about now.” Nick hummed, earning a lighthearted slap to the arm from Louis and a roll of his eyes. 

 

“Thought we were done with all the religious talk.” He hitched his leg up, throwing it over Nick’s hips, lips grazing his shoulder. “He’d probably punish us, don’t you think? Maybe something serpent-like?”

 

Louis’ fingertips grazing over the pubic hair at the base of Nick’s cock causing goosebumps to appear on both their arms. Nick did get a laugh at that, wrapping his arm around Louis’ waist. “Surely, he would at least wait until morning, yeah?”

 

“‘Course he would.” Louis nudged his nose against Nick’s chest, sighing with contentment.

 

Their heartbeats slowed down back to a lulling tune. Both were satisfied with the turnout of tonight. Although it may have taken some serious space and accusations to make something so  _ good  _ arise, it was okay. They hurt and they broke, but hey forgave and they mended.

 

Had it not been for the tale of Adam and Eve, they wouldn’t have the taste of bad to get a whole lot of good. 

 

And that was the knowledge of good and evil, taken by one apple at a time.

 

[ heart - flor ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6l9AVZVrvHw5u4nL3HL9N0?si=uVk0VadLQhGzQIFNX5f4WA)

 

_ We’ve got the heart it’s true _

 

One month later, Nick surprised, or more like finally told Louis where they were traveling to. By telling, he means waiting until they were in the fucking city. It was a miracle Nick was able to keep Louis distracted enough until they touched base at the airport.

 

To Nick’s surprise, Louis reared up. Every time, Nick never failed to impress Louis on the places that they went. No matter what it was, it was always insanely special. However, this time felt even more so.  _ They were in fucking Québec.  _

 

What was even more alarming was the fact that Nick took him to the exact place Louis had wanted to visit for  _ years.  _ Liam had to have let him in on that little secret. He had never had the guts to pick when Nick always chose the best anyway. 

 

Here they were, sprawled on a blanket out by the wooded area in the park behind the giant waterfall. So much giddiness flooded Louis’ body. He sat cross-legged, staring up at the clear sky, puffy clouds littering the sky, and the sun shining wonderfully. It was surreal, positively surreal. 

 

“Beautiful, innit?” Louis grinned up at the sky, nodding in response to Nick. “I see why you wanted to come.”

 

“It’s a lot more than just beautiful right now. It just… Nothing feels real. How did I even end up getting to live this life? There is no way I ever did anything to deserve it.” Louis shrugged, leaning back onto his hands for support, throwing a quick glance at Nick.

 

“Believe it or not, you are like, proper smart and ridiculously attractive.” Nick chuckled making Louis roll his eyes.

 

“Give it a rest.” Louis hummed, looking back up at the sky. For just a moment, he closed his eyes, basking in the warmth of the sun and the gentle breeze sweeping across his cheeks. 

 

_ Don’t wanna waste love _

 

“Louis!” He whipped his head around to see Nick holding an apple, but within seconds it was out of his hands, hurtling towards Louis. “Catch.”

 

On instinct, he did reach out for it. A quick hand and there it was, resting between his palm and his chest, his heart hammering.  _ Where the fuck did the apple come from?  _ “What the fuck, Nick?”

 

He was met with a wide eyed stare in response. Of course that got an eye roll from Louis. Nick shrugged, a small smile curling up onto his lips.

 

“What? Want me to cut it up, and recreate when I fu-,”

 

“Jeez, darling. Not now, but maybe later.” Nick winked, a lascivious grin on his mouth. “Guess it was a coincidence that I read about this not too long after the whole apple of my eye experience, yeah?”

 

“The fuck are you on about?” Louis felt the unnerving desire to hurl the apple straight back at Nick, yet he still clutched it like his life depended on it. 

 

“Guess, Louis. Come on.” He drawled out, leaning back onto his elbows, ankles crossing. “‘M sure it’s deep in there somewhere.”

 

“Just because you are old, doesn’t mean I am, dickhead. I still have peak reflexes, thank you very much.” Now that one really did get an eye roll from Nick and maybe a chuckle. 

 

“Love, just because I’m closer to forty than you, that doesn’t make me  _ ancient _ .” Nick pressed, letting out a huff of amusement. He tilted his head, his sunglasses balanced precariously on top of his head. “But you are still not guessing.”

 

“Well,  _ Grimmy,  _ I’m confused. People don’t just get apples thrown at them for no reason.” Louis pushes himself up onto his knees, resting back on his heels. The sound of the waterfall still a peaceful reassurance as to where they were. Louis smiled, glancing down at the apple then back up at Nick. 

 

“Precisely. There was a reason.” Nick actually let out a fucking  _ whine  _ which made Louis snicker. “I’m here trying to be the clever one for once, thinking you’ll get it, and you aren’t. It’s freaking me out, Lou.” 

 

“Nick, babe, c’mon. I’m sorry.” Louis was pouting now, moving to walk on his knees so he was closer to Nick. “Tell me, yeah?”

 

_ Don’t wanna hurt you  _

 

Nick sighed, biting down onto his lower lip before speaking once more. “You mean to tell me that Mr. History Buff doesn’t get what it means by me throwing an apple at him?”

 

Okay, so history and apples? Surely he missed something along the way. There was something that he was missing. Another look at the apple, and then another look up to Nick, his gaze directly on Louis. He looked… hopeless almost. The continuous drag of his tongue along his lower lip was the telltale sign. Louis inhaled, brow furrowing. That made Nick’s gaze turn and his cheeks redden.

 

“‘To the most beautiful one,’” Nick murmured, pulling his legs up so his feet were resting flat against the blanket. And like a switch, like a godforsaken trigger, the past three years flashed before his eyes. The apple was long forgotten, rolling off to the side while his hands started to shake, almost feeling like putty. Bless  _ everything  _ that he had already been on the ground. 

 

“Nicholas Grimshaw, I swear to fucking g-.” Louis stopped. He couldn’t speak, there was no way. Sometime along Louis’ realization, Nick had moved so he was kneeling in front of Louis. He reached out to take Louis’ hands in his. 

 

“Louis Tomlinson, you won me over with your endless monologue and knowledge of history. Today, I’m trying make a full circle and win you over, for life, so we can have our own little piece of history made.” Nick inhaled deeply. Louis could see the wetness in the corner of his eyes, threatening to spill over any second. “It would be dead nice if you could give me an answer.”

 

_ Lifting off deeper blues  _

 

Louis laughed, leaning forward until his head was on Nick’s shoulder, both their bodies trembling. Louis whispered (in the most terrible attempt at a northern accent, of course), “It would be dead nice if you had something to show me that you are dead serious about this.”

 

Nick chuckled wetly, digging into the rucksack beside them. “Prick, of course I do.”

 

So when Louis finally saw the little black box emerge from the bag, his heart skipped a beat. What the actual fuck. He hasn’t been  _ serious  _ about needing more reassurance, but here it was. Hot tears trickled down his cheeks as Nick opened the case for him. Then, out of nowhere, Louis laughed. For a moment Nick panicked.

 

“Shit, do you not like it?” Louis perked up quickly, reaching out to put one of his hands on Nick’s cheek, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips.

 

“I love it, Nick.” Louis presses himself closer, a cheeky grin on his mouth. “But this is the other thing Harry helped with, right?”

 

The tension fortunately left Nick’s shoulders and he started to laugh. “Lou, I’m trying to propose right now. Can we not talk about Harry? We both know good and well what happens when we talk about another man, especially Harry.”

 

“Oh, I do know.” Another kiss. Another smile. “Never again.”

 

The hand that wasn’t holding the box, made its way to Louis’ hip while Louis trailed his fingertips over Nick’s jaw. Another deep breath. “So, Louis William Tomlinson, will you marry me?”

 

Sunshine, warmth, and sparks went off inside Louis’ body as the words finally left Nick’s mouth, in the most proper old-fashioned way as possible. Louis rolled his eyes. “I thought me catching the apple was my answer?” 

 

“Says the one who didn’t know  _ why  _ they had an apple thrown at them in the first place,” Nick joked, leaning to press a kiss to the corner of Louis’ mouth. 

 

Louis smiled, so fucking beautiful. The kind where his eyes crinkle and nose scrunches just a little. “Yes, I will marry you.”

 

_ We’re gonna pull through _

 

Roughly thirty minutes passed, and Louis and Nick had made it down to the middle landing section looking out towards Montmorency. Over the last three years, Louis had seen wonders. Although, this very view had to be the most spectacular one of them all. It became even more brilliant was when Nick stepped up to the railing, looking directly out. Louis couldn’t help but take a sneaky picture of the sight before him. 

 

Nick glances over his shoulder, giving Louis a quick smile before darting out back to the stairs. “Race you to the bottom!”

 

“Be careful!” Louis laughed, chasing after Nick down the stairs, dodging a variety of people to catch up in time. When he reached the bottom, he stopped right next to Nick who was staring up at the top of the falls. Breathless, Louis smiled, reaching out for Nick’s hand. 

 

The spray of cool water attacked both of them. Hand in hand, they walked to the lowest, farthest out platform. Once at the edge, Nick brought Louis’ hand up to kiss his knuckles, gentle, yet meaningful. 

 

“Merci beaucoup, mon amour.” His voice was mellow, yet unwavering. 

 

“Oui, avec plaisir,” Nick murmured, having picked up just enough from Louis over the past couple years. It still made Louis smile anytime Nick said even the most stupid things at the most inappropriate of times. 

 

Sunlight struck the water just right, making a soft rainbow stretch from the farthest corner to the center of the pool beneath the falls. It was almost like a sign for Louis. Despite facing inner turmoil, self depreciation, and endless fights when growing up, he still did what was right. 

 

He still received the upper hand in the end. He did what made him happy. He lived the life that made him happy. He found the person that made him the happiest. 

 

_ We’re gonna let heart hold true  _

 

Right here, right now, the seven colors shining before him indicated he had done it. He had made it. And it was all worthwhile. 

 

He glanced towards Nick who was already looking at him. They smiled, together, just like they had been doing everything for what had been a few years now. Together, like they planned on doing for the rest of their lives.

 

What Louis learned is that it was okay. His life may be anything but typically and way too fairytale-like to be natural. He may continue each day completely unsure of how this came to be and how he was still allowed to hold onto it each second that passed.

 

One thing Louis knew for sure though was that he rooted himself, buried himself, made his own nest directly in the arms of Nick fucking Grimshaw. The man with  _ fucking Gucci slippers  _ and an affinity for the radio. Or the endless rewatching of  _ The Great British Bake Off  _ and silly, yet attractive clothing styles.

 

Louis kissed Nick’s shoulder, scooting himself closer, practically becoming another appendage. Obscurity and all, Louis submerged himself, for they were  _ his obscurities.  _

 

And to Louis, that’s what made a home. All the good, the bad, the ugly, and the obscure. That’s what made it the most real. 

 

It was his home, it rang true, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot be more thankful for finally bringing this piece to a close. Endless thanks to one very important person that helped me and believed in me through this whole process. I finally feel accomplished about something that I did for the first time in ages. Hopefully someone out there finds some joy in this. Let me know what you think. Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you. Let me know what you think. Next chapter coming soon, hopefully.


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